Moving on; what worked for you?

Hey guys, long time since I last posted here. Anyways I decided that I want to move on and I have been reading articles about it online, but I wanted to know; what things or activities worked for you personally?

Thanks

Hi! It really depends on your own mechanisms of coping with loss / drama / bad days. It's been six months since my BU with my ex of 5 years, and even though I'm not completely healed, I can assure you it DOES get better. For me? I cried my eyes out until I couldn't cry anymore. I did what I wanted to do. I didn't let anyone tell me how I should feel, or what I should do about one thing or another. I've been living under my own terms during the past five months. If I wanted to cry, I did. If I wanted to scream or be alone, I did. I tried be gentle with people (because you do need people), but my mechanism of dealing with things is putting my walls up even higher. I'm not saying I was behaving bad towards those I love, but I did set boundaries. If they tried to tell me to "stop crying", I just didn't. I kept crying, it was MY time to be in a bad place. I learned this on therapy, I began my therapy two months after my BU because I was going to end my life, but instead I changed my mind and I went to therapy. It changed my life completely. Now I'm getting to know who I am and what I want in life. For the first time, it's MY time. For the very first time, the only voice I hear is mine. The only path I follow is the one I'm making.

So when the crying stopped, I read a book "It's called a break up because it's broken". Cheesy, I know. But it helped. But this place also helped me a LOT. Knowing I wasn't the only one going through this, knowing I'M NOT ALONE made a HUGE difference.

I also write, and the past six months I've been writing more than ever. It's not a diary, I just write stories.

So there's that. That, and having a douchebag for an ex makes healing a lot faster

1. Crying until I couldn't cry anymore.

2. Going to therapy (I couldn't be HAPPIER with my decision... It was hard, but it was RIGHT).

3. Reaching out to my friends

4. Reading

5. Writing

6. Listening to music

7. Watching TV shows or movies (NOT SAD ONES PLS!)

8. This website

9. Making a list of ALL the things you disliked about your ex. I know it sounds hard if you have a decent person for an ex. Mine wasn't, he just dumped me for someone else (five years of KNOWING that my GREATEST fear was being abandoned... I was abandoned as a child, and HE KNEW IT, he knew that I didn't want to fall in love because of that but he pushed my so far...)

10. Be sure you have NOTHING of them. Out of sight, out of mind.

11. Work hard. (Whatever you do, do it with passion)

12. Travel, make plans (you can even go to the movies all by yourself and hey! that's awesome)

13. Make a change in your body. You don't have to dye your hair blue, I mean, if you want you should do it, but I'm talking about small changes: clothes, hair cut, new lotion... Do it for you. Dress up for yourself. Look good. You'll start liking yourself after being torn apart and being left feeling like a piece of sh*t who has no value at all. Hit the gym, or go for a hike. BREATHE again. I know it's hard, but YOU ARE VALUABLE, you ARE WORTHY of love, you are a hot piece of as*, you're awesome af, and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Believe it, because you DO deserve it.

14. And the last one... When you can do it, when you do feel powerful enough, go full NC. No checking social media, no reaching out for them, no nothing. No contact AT. ALL. At all. It's okay if you go NC for a month, then contact them, then you get hurt all over again, and then you start NC again. Then repeat until YOU want to know NOTHING about them. At least that's how it was for me. I was the one to block him and ask him to stop contacting me.

One day, you will realize that "heart break" doesn't define you anymore. You will wake up and after a while, you will say "oh god I didn't think about her/him when I woke up!". "Heartbroken" won't be written across your forehead anymore.

One day you will wake up and you will be free. That day will come for us. I know it. Enjoy the ride, a calm sea never turn a pirate into an expert sailor.

Hope this helps

What an awesome post, SwanGirl!! I haven't followed your story, but glad to read that you are doing better after being in such a dark place!

I'll echo some of what she said. I've allowed myself to feel exactly whatever it is that I feel, for however long it takes. I vented about it here and with friends for a long time, until I felt mostly vented out. Now I'm reading and commenting on other people's threads here and trying to be of some small help. It takes my mind off my own pain.

I don't talk to him at all. I obsessively checked his and her (the girl he is now with) social media pages for weeks without even trying not to, because it was just what I felt like doing. I saw some things that hurt, but I kept looking. A few days ago I saw a picture of her and him, so now I've finally cut way back. I've still been checking a couple of times a day, but the urge to has lessened a whole lot, and I'm trying to phase it out entirely because it just brings additional pain.

I'm trying my best to think of things in terms of him not being deserving of me, rather than the other way around. It's really difficult, but he's done enough bad things that I have plenty to use to try to convince myself.

Like SwanGirl, I cried and cried whenever I felt like it. I still cry at times, but nowhere near as much. I cried last night for about 2 minutes for the first time in days, so it's getting better.

I'm trying to accept the fact that it's completely over and let go of the false hopes.

That's about as far as I've gotten, and I'm a little less than 2 months post-breakup. I hope to now start doing things again that I used to really enjoy, simple things like reading a good book. Just planning to take baby steps and progress forward from here.

Like SwanGirl, I cried and cried whenever I felt like it. I still cry at times, but nowhere near as much. I cried last night for about 2 minutes for the first time in days, so it's getting better.

I'll actually set time aside to cry.

I could use a good cry right about now. It's like a dam you feel that starts to spill over and then when you release it, it feels better.

Wow, thanks for such a good and complete answer SwanGirl. She broke up with me 3 months ago and still hurts like hell and cry often. She was my first love. I will try to apply all of your advices as I see fit for me Thank you very very much guys

I agree with everyone. You do need time to process your feelings your own way. But after a while, I feel like enough is enough. So, I train my brain to stop thinking about her. Everyone time she pops in my head, I tell myself "stop it" or "eff her" and it really works. Because of this, I'm starting to think about her less.

Swangirl really nailed it. Especially the NC and breaking NC and back to NC lol..finally you learn NC is the key, it's necessary to completely cut them off so you can live your life without them. Once this is implemented then you're on your way to healing. Hang in there it does get better!

For me what really worked is no contact. BU was 3 months ago and I had classes with her and would still text her every weekend for 3 weeks even though I would tell myself to not text her. Didn't work obviously. Until one day I texted her and didn't get a response. Then that same night she blocked me on all social media and I'm like "Wow this is it, it's over." and accepted the fact that I lost.

Also, I don't think it's necessarily bad to wallow in your sadness on those lonely nights, sometimes you just gotta embrace the negative emotions to make you stronger.

I still think about her but I'm over the whole situation. It's summer break right now, and I'm doing good because I don't have to see her or worry about if I should text her (deleted her number). But if you read my latest thread you will see that clearly she had to find some way to reach out to me and probably see if I'm over her or not, I don't really know what her deal is. But anyways yeah, just no contact and make sure you don't have to see their stuff on social media. It gets better day by day trust me on that.

Well, my partner left our apartment without even telling me approx 2 month ago. The first weeks were the worst, almost though I was going to die, that much it hurts! But it gets better! I moved out of the apartment after that first month. That first month I did lot of silly things, posting pictures with another woman, partying at our apartment with that same woman, all this nonsense thing you post online when you are upset. Than, after that month, I realized all of the stupid things I was doing and start focusing on improving myself. My friends are there supporting me, I'm doing gym, reading alot to learn to control myself and also going to restart therapy. So right now everything is about me. No contact is essential, at the beginning I though that I needed to get her attention to get her back but nop, NC its the best therapy!

NC and keeping busy while having moments of "meditation" where I took the time to let the emotion fill me in and assess where I was in the process

Its been 10 months and I'm starting to get out of the depression

Your mileage may vary!

One of the best posts I've ever read, SwanGirl that was an amazing answer. I feel truly inspired reading that, and relating that to my personal situation has really helped. Unfortunately I have to see her weekly when I pick up my son, but I just put a fake smile on my face, and don't look at her. Doesn't really help, but in time the smile won't be fake, I believe that

I am currently 4 months into my break up. We were together for 2 years, and engage for 5 months, it's coming up around the dates we got engage and things are getting harder to bear. I try to keep busy, but when I do have one day off it hits me like a brick. At times I tell myself that if he wanted us to work he would chase after me, and that makes me feel better sometimes. I moved 1500 miles away to clear my head, but it's harder because I dont know anyone where I moved to. At times I blame myself, that if I hadnt move maybe we could fix things but then I go back to how often wr would fight. Me and his siter were extremely close, and I miss our friendship, just found out that she's expecting, and I want to contact her and congratulate her. Is that something I should do? Or is it just a horrible idea?

Woah guys, I felt really great reading your answers!!! It warms my heart so much, knowing that I least could help someone else! Keep holding on, I will be around here because I'm in the path to healing but I'm not there yet, and I feel the only good thing that truly came out of this was being able to understand others and help them with their heartache.

You ROCK GUYS!

All of TheSwanGirl's list and:

15. Massage Therapy (I needed touch more than talk therapy)

16. Rearrange furniture or change the look of your surroundings, especially if you had shared it before the break

17. Develop new interests, skills and friendships

18. Focus on old habits and interests

19. Volunteer

20. Fake journal with your happier healthier future self. (Remarkably, this helped shift me into a better frame of mind as I did it, and provided encouragement.)

21. After NC, at the point I felt stronger, more in control of my emotions, I resumed limited contact. I have found that contact gives me a better grounding in the here and now. It served as a check up on my healing, and helped keep me from ruminating and questioning myself.

Going off what TheSwanGirl's says, and then some:

What helped me was doing a clear breakup ritual. Basically, putting aside or tossing away things that may have reminded me of what I once had. Deleting her number. Deleting our text history. Unfollowing or unfriending on all social media platforms. Even going as far to delete old photographs.

It may seem extreme to some people, but I found it to be the best way for me to heal and move forward. I think you just have to rediscover that relationship with yourself. You are the most important person in your life, and it's important that you love who you are before you love someone else again.