Anyone else feel like they can't accept the way they look?

ive had this problem for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was maybe 7 years old. I couldn't look in the mirror. I would see myself in the mirror and pictures and be repulsed. I don't understand why. I know I am not as terrible looking as I think - it's all in my head and it drives me crazy! I feel like I pick on myself way too much and I just want it to stop! I have good days or even weeks where I tell myself that my looks are not the be all and end all of life, and it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks except myself....but all these negative thoughts come flooding back in. I ask myself what do I really want to look like? And why? I just feel like I don't measure up to anyone else though I know I do, I just can't stop entertaining terrible thoughts of myself I have ruined a 4 year relationship by making unfair and cruel comparisons and terrorizing my partner with these comparisons. It wasn't fair. I have tried so hard to accept myself. It's just so hard though. Does anyone else have trouble accepting their looks? And tips? Thank you!

There is no one standard. It's never good to be vain and overly concerned with perfect looks, etc. Plenty of people are attractive and sexy in their own way without cookie-cutter standards. Make the best of what you have.

I have tried so hard to accept myself.

Perhaps seek help for this unhealthy fixation you have on your "looks".

I remember reading an article about how some celebrities, some who others find very attractive, can't stand the way they look... and then I read about "Body Dysmorphic Disorder" ( ).

Not sure if you would relate to any of that (you mentioned you can't stand to look in the mirror, but don't think you are actually that bad looking), but thought I would share something about it. Don't think you should diagnose yourself, of course. I would suggest a therapist who has maybe worked with this before or specializes in positive cognitive behavior therapy to boost your self-esteem, as Hermes suggested.

Brief description from the Mayo Clinic below (to avoid clicking on link):

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable. But you may feel so ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.

 

When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image, repeatedly checking the mirror, grooming or seeking reassurance, sometimes for many hours each day. Your perceived flaw and the repetitive behaviors cause you significant distress, and impact your ability to function in your daily life.

Maybe a visit to a psychiatrist - to find out why you're having this issue - can work wonders. Until then, you're doomed to repeat this in your future relationships.

I did for a very long time. Just getting older and learning to relax in your skin helps. And you know what helped me more than anything? Taking up physical activities and getting good at them. I did martial arts, I did hiking, I took up mountain climbing. I rid horses.

I've pushed my body to do all sorts of things I thought I couldn't do. And I did them. And that's when I stopped worrying about my looks, because man I beat out three guys to the top of a mountain. Me, a little thing that didn't weight 110 pounds. Do you know kick*@@ and beautiful I felt on that day? Or when I tossed my sensai into a wall after he mock ambushed me in a parking lot to see if I'd been paying attention to his teachings.

When you're proud of the things your body can do, you no longer care if you don't look like Beyonce. You can still kick butt and take names and that's all that matters.

So find something you can do physically and see if that helps. It's a start.

That's "ride" horses. No, no, no, NOT getting rid of my horses or anyone else's either. Stupid autocorrect.

The way I accepted my body and looks is by being grateful I still have all my parts. There was a time when I would look in the mirror and think I needed plastic surgery to look decent. During that time I was confronted with all these ads for children in other countries who had major "defects" and could not get the surgery they needed. Some of them had trouble eating and drinking.

I also became more aware of those around me and trying to build them up. When I concentrated on the good qualities of other people I had less time to feel sorry for myself.

I am one of the fortunate ones. Never had a serious problem about my looks. Have had some small doubts, but in general my parents, although did a horrible job on many other aspects, did a good one on how i saw myself. They taught me that looks do not matter. And ya know what? They don't. As i get older (now 35), i see beautiful people all around me! I notice this come with age, seriously. The younger we are, the more strict we are about looks.

If you want, make an experiment. Look at people and try to find a beautiful characteristic of theirs. It's fun and you will soon realize that beauty is everywhere and in every person, including you. Also, and trust me on this, good looks has everything to do with what is inside. I have seen pictures of deadly attractive people only to get disappointed when i saw them in real life.

I have a "go-to" "song" when i am feeling down which contains the following :

"Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind

You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth

Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back

At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now

How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked

You are not as fat as you imagine."