I feel like my best friend never reaches out

One of my best friend and I have been friends for 3 years, but super super close this past year. He's also a guy fyi.

I feel like I do most of the planning, calling, and texting. It just gets the point where it makes me sad I do it all. I have told him this, and he tells me he hates texting. His friends and family can agree on that.

Sometimes he can go weeks without talking to me, even if I reach out first. It makes me so upset. I know we both have our lives to live, but I would like to hear from him 1-2 times a week. He did move for a bit to the west coast and it's been hard on me not having him here. I saw him a month ago for 3 weeks. I haven't heard from him in almost 3 weeks now. Sometimes he drops off the radar, not just from me , but everyone. I know he has issues, and he has for some time, and I have always been understanding, but I feel like I do 90% of the work. He even asked me to come stay with him for a week in the next month or two, but still haven't heard back and I planned the whole trip out. Im just waiting to book the days. I just feel like he never thinks of me and it makes me sad , sometimes I cry. I don't really have that many friends, and it sucks when you feel like this. I decided not to contact him as long as I could and right not its almost been two weeks. I sent him something not to long ago, so we'll see if he even tells me he got that....

I think you are naive about how man work. 99.99% of the men out there will never be your friend unless they want you. Which means, they are NOT a real friend as REAL/GOOD friends don't hide feelings nor have deeper intentions. He is simply pretending to get between your legs.

Since he has been unable to get between your legs, he backed off.

And there you are wondering why you are doing all of the initiating of contact etc.

Don't try to figure out why he is that way. Accept for who he is. He is NOT your best friend because he doesn't reach out to you on regular basis or spends any time with you. 0 Companionship nor care.

You need to re evaluate this relationship and accept it for what it is IMO. I would also suggest you stick to female friends.

I doubt you will be able to find a good/smart man that you really want while you engage into "friendships" with men......seriously. Most men know what's up as they see other men do this sort of thing over and over with women.

I have to disagree with you on him wanting me for sex. I know he has no feelings for me, and he knows (from day 1) I won't have sex till marriage, and he knew that a year and a half ago. If that's all he wanted he would have left by then, but he didm'. I can agree with you on the rest, but I disagree.

I have to disagree with you on him wanting me for sex. I know he has no feelings for me, and he knows (from day 1) I won't have sex till marriage, and he knew that a year and a half ago. If that's all he wanted he would have left by then, but he didm'. I can agree with you on the rest, but I disagree.

If you give a man just a TINY hint of "yes"......they will linger and stick around until they get their cookie.

Fact that you even got into that discussion with him, tells me that he has asked....inquired about it....which means that he probably wants you.

We will agree to disagree. But at the end of the day, you don't have a best friend (based on his lack of involvement/action with you).

Then you need to stop making such an effort and get other friends. I'm sorry, but the person who passively lets someone else do all the work is pretty much saying they just don't care as much and have other things in their life besides you. The only way to handle that really is stop being upset, accept it is what it is, and find more people to spend time with so you aren't so dependent on only having one person in all of your life you can hang out with.

You cannot make another person like you and start doing some of the work if a) you always do the work for them and b) they just don't want to do so. This is where having plenty of other people and activities comes into play, because the busier you are the less these type of things will bother you.

Some people would happily let others even chew their food for them plus everything else, if someone would do that. But it doesn't mean they should. If you want friends who make more of an effort you have to go out and find them, and not do all the work all the time yourself in the first place, to get that. It's actually up to you to decide who you want to hang out with and what behaviors you find acceptable or not.

It's your boundaries, your idea of what a friendship is or isn't that should guide you, not the idea you can or should put up with something and just let it upset it but keep doing the same thing over and over.

Growing into maturity means cultivating different friendships to meet different needs. Gone are the days when one person can become our 'everything' friend the way people could be a 'bestie' when we were kids. As kids we were blank slates who could homogenize well with others, but as we solidify into our own personalities, we are not everyone's cup of tea.

We also had limits imposed by parents and school that we didn't internalize and take personally, whereas adults learn their own limits and impose those. We go through cycles of closeness and then our paths diverge as we take on different interests in exploring life on our own.

So you won't find the same dedicated focus from others that you could enjoy when you were younger--and that's okay. Healthy adults learn to respect the limits of others and adapt by incorporating different friends, who also have their limits.

Your tennis friend might be a bad conversationalist, your movie friend might not interest you beyond sharing a pair of theater seats, your shopping friend might not share your religious or political views, and someone you confide in may not want to attend any parties with you. Some people stay in 'acquaintance' territory, while others might 'evolve' into greater degrees of closeness, but it's a mistake to form a dependency on any one person to stay the same in your life.

Focus on making new friends. Figure out where your interest overlap and respect the limits of each friendship to avoid driving people away. Simply enjoy what each offers within a certain context, and find others to meet the needs unmet by any given friend.

Head high.