abused badly, emotionally and physically.

Let me start from the beginning.

In 2013, (were going back a long time) I had been with someone for coming up to 3 years. I started to become less and less happy as he wasn't developing with the relationship to an extent that we weren't doing anything or going anywhere out or otherwise anymore.

I was hanging out with my cousin who is 2 years younger than me one night, and some of his friends; we were all drinking and having fun at the beach, and from then on it started . One of his slightly older friends became my other half after splitting up my 3 year relationship. At first the relationship was good; only for about a month.

He started being really controlling. This was behaviour I'd never experienced before and at first it was OK. I had over time opened up to him about things that had happened to me , awful things such as when someone forced me into having sex with them (I still to this day cannot bring myself to say the word rape out loud), and other things such as my problem with drugs etc.

We were together for about all in all 1 year, and at about the 6 month mark; he had become emotionally abusive, excessively manipulating. He tore my family apart, this which I can see now, made me move away from them and away from my lovely life, I lived with my cousin all this time, and he was very controlling., so controlling that in the middle of our very hot summer in 2014; when I wanted to wear shorts or a dress he would try and make me wear a big winter coat over it so I wouldn't show "any skin". This behaviour I couldn't see was happening at the time, but slowly this tore our relationship apart and I was opening my eyes to what was actually happening. He started to hit me at the 8 month mark of our relationship and one reason why he would lash out on me was because I had been abused at 15 (that word I said I can't stand to say) and that it was all my fault and that I was dirty and disgusting. This dug up the horrible memory of it happening all over again when I had just started to try and get over it all.

I then moved back to my parents house, late 2014; as he had thankfully moved away; to go to college, I started my life again, started partying again, and this is how I met my understanding other half (who, yes at times can be a ; but at least he doesn't abuse me!) Anyway; even though he moved away, he was still trying to taunt me.

The reason I'm making this post; is because to this day I am haunted by what he did. I try so hard to get over the abuse I faced. I think my OH realises what this person did to me, I lost all my cofidence, and even now after gaining a lot of my confidence back, there are still deep chips in this. I've since developed serious anxiety, and I'm just wondering how you, the community, think I should try and deal with this aftermath? My OH has suggested that I could go to councillors, as talking may let it out and help me finally get over all of this pain once and for all?

I just don't know. I never knew the healing process of something like this would be so long! The torture of being blamed for an abuse that wasn't my fault and apparently my punishment for that was a smack.

I realise no one should be treated this way, and I'm thankful for the happy life I have now. A stable job, a loving family.

I do have my demons though, and they like to cause me flashbacks and horrible thoughts at the most inconvenient times. I'm just wondering is there anyone else out there who has had the same sort of experience or has techniques on how to deal with this?

Thanks so much.

Always remember you're stronger than you think..This is what I tell myself regularly.

You need to seek therapy to put it all behind you.

I think the reason this guy sought you out and was attracted to you was because he sensed a vulnerability in you and thought you would be easy to manipulate and control. He picked at the fact you were abused knowing it would crush you if he told you it is your fault. He was trying to drag you so low so he could have you under his thumb

But guess what? He didn't succeed! You fought back, you got out, you knew you are worth more than this so you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for that. You have more strength than you realize

However you probably do have some ptsd and anxiety from all this past trauma which needs to be dealt with. You should seek counselling and temporary medication (for anxiety)

And it worries me that you say your current bf can be an but "at least he doesn't abuse me". Just make sure you do not settle for poor treatment just because there is no physical abuse. Abuse comes in many forms and you should expect people to treat you how you treat them. Don't settle for less

good luck

Thank you so much for your reply.

Having someone else have faith in me and tell me I'm strong helps so much more than you could imagine!

I'm going to apply for counselling as soon as I can, to help myself. I am in no doubt that I am in fact suffering with ptsd and now is the time to live up to the fact that these things have happened to me and I no longer need to be taunted by them! It's my life, I shouldn't be dragged down by my past!

Thank you so much again