Here I go again what is wrong with me !!! Ggggrrrrr

Here I go again nice loving man turns monster once again ! All my life had every type of abuse and abandonment . Every boyfriend has used abused and dumped . I have always stayed for as long as I could longest being 9 years shortest 2 years and that only ended as I was moved up to Newcastle to a refuge sorted myself out did all the courses and classes finally moved into my own house made true friends and the first time I felt settled until I found the sweetest loving caring man my life was perfect at long last only took 30 years .

I was diagnosed with bipolar but he didn't care he loves me until 8 weeks ago he changed hiding things lying , Google history clear a tinder account (I snopped on his phone ) Facebook messages to girls then 3 weeks ago the cuddles stopped and the kisses and the shouting and looks of hate started . Wednesday I went shopping asked before I left if he needed anything but was told no by the time I got home to find him waiting on the door step screaming he was leaving me cause he had no food and he can't use the cooker he smashed up my bedroom yet I ended up saying sorry for being in the wrong and leaving him with no food .

He left shouting he didn't love me and came home 10 minutes later gave me a kiss asked me for money for beer and left . We got on so well when he came in for the night and next day and now it's gone straight back him upstairs banging on the floor when he needs a drink me running around after him and sleeping on the sofa ! I can't believe it's turning out like this again I feel so beat down and low once again

Perhaps you're moving quickly into these relationships? How long did you date your current bf before moving in together?

Do you have somewhere to go right now? It doesn't sound safe if he's smashing up the bedroom.

Why would you run around and cater to this man? Why would you give him money for beer so that he could get drunk and probably even more abusive? Why would you get him a drink when he banged on the floor? Why haven't you called the police and had him evicted from your home?

 

Why do you not immediately leave men upon the very first red flag he shows you that indicates you need to get away from him?

 

What's going on within, Vicki? What does your therapist have to say about who you are picking as live-in mates?

I always try to see the best in everyone and I try to keep everyone happy I am the same with my friends . My theorist that I see twice a week at my home says that I need a different mindset and I am waiting for an opening stop on a confidence course .

We was together about 10 months before he moved in his mum lives afew doors away so it kind of happened without really noticing , and no I don't have anywhere else to go

I always try to see the best in everyone and I try to keep everyone happy I am the same with my friends .

How's that working out for you so far?

 

My theorist that I see twice a week at my home says that I need a different mindset and I am waiting for an opening stop on a confidence course .

What does your THERAPIST say?

 

We was together about 10 months before he moved in his mum lives afew doors away so it kind of happened without really noticing , and no I don't have anywhere else to go

You have to work with a therapist that will help you to hone your personal boundaries. You allow people to take advantage of you and your good nature because you have a extreme case of having the inability to say no to anyone. You feel guilty when you look after your own best interests and you don't feel you deserve to have anything but what you've been attracted to.

 

This is YOUR HOME. Get him out of it. Call a lawyer or the police and ask them for help in getting him the hell away from you. If you don't do at least that much, then you are destined to be dealt this hand your entire life.

 

If you want some articles on codependency so that you know what you suffer from, then let me know and I will provide you with some. Or: You can simply google "codependency" and read about it. As long as you don't have personal boundaries in place to the point that you don't feel guilty for looking out for you own best interests, I fear you will always get what you've always gotten.

 

P.S. What is a "Theorist." Whatever it is, he/she does not seem to be helping you with your codependency issues so seriously consider taking your own care up a notch by looking into psycho therapy with a counselor proficient in codependency.

 

You can overcome this by getting on the right track to your own healing.

I actually have a cpn (nurse) and 2 psychiatrist that I see weekly and have done for a long time bipolar is not my only mental health issue I have , I have been on anti depressants since early teens . I do know what that is thank you I don't need information about it . My nurse thinks my eggar to please and keep people happy probably stems from a toddler as I have never had any family guidance from family my parents were 15 when they had me and I wasn't really noticed by them so I always try to please them I could fully look after myself by 10 and was chucked out at 15 and have never been back . So if you are that in some way thinking that its easy for me just to sort myself out and leave its not

Not saying its easy, just pointing out to you what it is and what you have to do to get past allowing these kinds of men into your life.

 

Now, what have you done to get this man out of your life? Have you called the police and asked them how they can help you get rid of him or where you can go to get that kind of help? If you haven't, why haven't you? After all, its clear that you certainly need to get him out of your house and out of your life outright. Yes?

Yes I know I do he packs his stuff and goes to his mums often I know how to get him to do it just have to ask him why his so mad at me and he ups and leaves in a mood but comes back after a nigh but living so Close it's really easy for him to get back in , I know he wouldn't never hit me so for now I am safe till I can make a plan

Yes I know I do he packs his stuff and goes to his mums often I know how to get him to do it just have to ask him why his so mad at me and he ups and leaves in a mood but comes back after a nigh but living so Close it's really easy for him to get back in , I know he wouldn't never hit me so for now I am safe till I can make a plan

 

Please make sure he doesn't get back in. Please call the police if he tries to get back in.

Going forward, maybe ten months of dating isn't quite long enough. That's okay, because now you can make sure that you're with someone for at least a couple of years before you think about letting him into your home. For some people it may be quicker, but you've experienced a lot of trauma that may have affected your ability to judge situations and people.

Hello Vicki, I tried to pm you, but I was not able to...just out of curiosity, where are you meeting these guys at? Is it maybe that some very hurtful things were said during a past argument that maybe he is hanging on to?

I don't know how to send messages so can't try to send one to you , I met my last partner through a friend plus I knew his older brother it's not like I am just picking random men up at clubs and pubs