No drive and insecure

Hi everyone,

After 2 long years of being single, and being in my only long term sexual relationship for 9 years before that. Im finally in a relationship with someone new. We have been together for a couple of months. Big problem, loss of sex drive. Im just never in the mood, I never initiate and when we have alone time chances are Im going to fake sleep so we don't have to do it. Not that I don't want to but it seems like such a tedious task to me. He is also starting to notice and assumes Im punishing him for any falling out we may have had earlier. This is not the case, I want to...Want to. But I just don't. I am currently on birth control so I know this can be the cause, however this has always been the case even in my previous relationship. When I do finally give in, all I can think of is "How long still? Just get it over with." Is there anything I can do to help?

Also, I have a 8year old boy. I am very self conscious about my breasts, which were basically wrecked during breast feeding, I've been steering away from the bra area all this time now, I have no clue if it will be a turn off for him. Hes not very set on removing my bra but i probably cant avoid it forever. Any tips on easing it in?

Thanx

You've been with him a couple of months. Time to open up. Us blokes are not generally good at guessing people and he will be mightily relieved that it's not him. If it scares him away then it was never meant to be in the first place.

Good luck.

It seems like I may be younger than you so I'm not sure if my experiences apply, but I had a low sex drive for a rather long time so I can try to offer some advice from what I dealt with.

First of all I do think that outright telling him that you've been struggling with it and that it's definitely not him will help. Guys can get very sensitive about this if they think they're doing something wrong or you're not attracted to them. As for what your breasts look like; I again think you should just be open with him and tell him you feel a bit self conscious about it. If he's mature and worth keeping, he won't care.

Second, low libido can come from a lot of things. Sometimes stress is a factor. If not, try telling your gyno that you're having problems with it and see if you can maybe switch to a different birth control until you find one that doesn't effect you as much in that area. I've also found that what helped me was indulging in fantasy a bit more-- take time to think about what could be different about sex that would get you to enjoy it. Personally I found that I don't necessarily need an orgasm to feel satisfied by sex: I feel good being close with my partner and making him feel good. Not everyone thinks like that, but just to give you an idea of different ways you can look at it.

Were you definitely sexually attracted to this person to begin with?

Were you definitely sexually attracted to this person to begin with?

Yes, I still am.