Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 15 of 15

Thread: Relationship dilema, not sure which girl to date

  1. #11
    pippy longstocking
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    10,202
    Thanked
    2407
    may I tell you my view on sex and what is important ...

    the most amazing experiences sex wise I have ever had where born out of pure love , not status ., and it was with the man I came here about . Because I loved him , every inch of him , when he took my face and kissed me it didnt matter if he
    had slept with 200 women prior to me ..I wouldnt know , I dont ask these questions ...because it didnt matter anyway .

    I loved what he was about , how he made me feel , his voice , his mind , his conversation , his laugh , the things we did together ..that all came first the beautiful love you feel for another ...thats like foreplay in all honesty .

    so it stood to reason than when we united in sex/making love , whatever you want to call it ...then the joy and fulfilment where so electric and so charged with passion that nothing else mattered .

    I hope you can sort your head out with all this stuff because you sound like a good guy x

  2. #12
    someguy9182
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    32
    I think you need to get over it man, I mean whats the big deal? I guess I don't get it because it's not like baby cherub unicorn kittens will randomly fly into the room shooting fireworks out of their a**'s when two virgins have sex.

    Seriously, you should be focused more on the person, and not the superficial details. You are judging people for doing something that is totally normal, setting double standards, using this as a motivation to use people, and in the end what for? Being with a virgin really isn't the best lay anyways, the first time isn't the best for most people in general, and it's not a fairtale. It doesn't make a person any more or less to have been with people before you, and thats an idea you better get ok with because face it man it's not like the women of the world are going to stay chaste just so they can have a chance to be with you.

  3. #13
    tvnerdgirl
    Platinum Member tvnerdgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,188
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    601
    I lost my virginity to my husband, who had lost his a long, long time ago. I was rare in the sense that although I had fooled around with guys, I hadn't had full intercourse with anybody until I met my husband. When we first had sex, I was 25 years old.

    Did it bother me that he had already had this experience without me? A little bit, but only in the sense that it felt like I 'missed out' on that part of him, and that made me a bit sad. I wasn't jealous of the girl he lost his virginity to (though I did find out we shared the same name which was a bit amusing) but I did wish that it could have been me. He told me later on that he shared other 'firsts' with me (Like telling me he loved me and introducing me to his parents, etc.) so I took those instead and it felt better.

    You need to figure out why you are so bothered by this? Is it because you are thinking of giving her this part of yourself and you don't feel like it is going to be given back? Or is it because you are jealous that someone else 'got there first' so to speak.

    You cannot change her past. That is something you NEED to realize right now. And the older you get, the less likely it is that you will find women out there who are still virgins. For the most part statistically people lose their virginity in their mid to late teens.

    I don't say that to make anybody feel bad if they are still virgins (again I was 25) but that is what the numbers say.

    She has already confessed that she is deeply upset and bothered by her initial experiences with sex. Her being shy with you is very likely a response to that, and a desire to do things differently from now on. People focus too much I think on the fact that you can only lose your virginity once that they can sometimes miss the point. Is it better to lose it to someone you love and care about? I think so but that is just an opinion and I think that so many people are told this that any other circumstance that they may have, automatically causes them to feel judged and shameful.

    Don't make her feel any worse about this - she obviously feels she made a mistake she cannot take back. You say you connect with her and that you have wonderful chemistry, right? Then why are you even CONSIDERING girl #2 when you have admitted yourself that you would likely leave her after it's over with. Wouldn't that result in the same thing happening as with girl #1? You would take her virginity and treat her the same way. Do you want to be that guy?

    Do not let selfish male pride rob you of the possibility of a great relationship.

    You will not be able to be her first sexual experience. That ship has sailed, but it still IS possible to be her first POSITIVE sexual experience and that in my opinion is FAR more important.

  4. #14
    abitbroken
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    17,301
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2498
    Go out with the girl that you really like. Don't look at the girl who is a virgin as a "mark" - who you see as someone you can lose your virginity with and nothing more. If you don't love someone it is going to be a weird and awkward experience and you might regret feeling so attached to a girl you have no feelings for and you used. I don't think its healthy being with a girl who you are with because you are afraid she will cry for not having a boyfirend, etc. but going after a girl JUST because she is a virgin and for no other good traits is just not optimal either.

  5. #15
    XD0055
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    34
    Quote Originally Posted by abitbroken [Register to see the link]
    Go out with the girl that you really like. Don't look at the girl who is a virgin as a "mark" - who you see as someone you can lose your virginity with and nothing more. If you don't love someone it is going to be a weird and awkward experience and you might regret feeling so attached to a girl you have no feelings for and you used. I don't think its healthy being with a girl who you are with because you are afraid she will cry for not having a boyfirend, etc. but going after a girl JUST because she is a virgin and for no other good traits is just not optimal either.
    It is a sleezeball thing to do and I even said that.
    I think this fixation on virginity might have stemmed from me being "technically raped"
    in the past. Its a memory I remember very little about and I guess I've just sorta "locked it away".
    I suppose this is sort of the way the repressed memory I suppose you would call it, manifests itself.
    Much like the situation with her, an older boy talked me into having sex with him. And I guess subconciously
    I didn't want to accept my virginity being lost to a male at age 11. But when I think back on it and just accept
    that was my virginity, I feel better about it and I feel as though that helps me cope with this as I can relate to her in that situation.
    I'm not really jealous of the guy just disappointed that I can't share my virginity with my mate. I've been told that
    the dude doesn't count as my virginity as a lot of people say at that age your easily suggestible and cant make sound decisions.
    But yeah... I think that I will continue to talk to both of them and try my best to keep an open mind as
    like I said, I have yet to meet girl #2 in person.

  6.  

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Top Threads
Being Taken Advantage of, or all in my Mind?
I have a beautiful small vase filled with about 20 pink pens sitting on my personal desk next to my computer at my home. I work from home sometimes
What would be your reaction if your partner refused to add you on fb?
How would you feel or what would your reaction be if your partner told you that they wouldn't add you on fb at any point? Would it be significant for
BF and his ex's child (not his)
Dating BF for almost 3 years. At first he told me about how he and his ex had a close relationship. Going to lunch, helping with advice etc
BF & his work schedule! Is his job is dominating our relationship?
Hi all, I've been wondering this more and more each day so I thought it's about time I post on here and put it out to you guys to tell me what
Long distance age gap relationship
I am experiencing a very unique and unconventional relationship conflict and would really appreciate any advice I can get. I am 21 years old and
My girlfriend constantly makes flirtatious jokes about other guys to me. Help?
So, my girlfriend constantly (and I mean constantly, we're probably talking maybe 5 times or so every time we hang out?) makes comments about other
Girlfriend (32) won't tell me who the father of her child is.
I have been with her for 4 years. Her child is just over 4 years old. I met her child when he was an infant. The biological father is not in the
Featured Threads
Which credit card debt should I start paying first?
Have $500 to pay one first and wanted to ask which one I should pay first The one that I owe $ 700 or $2900? Thanks a lot
Am I Being Body Shamed by my boyfriend?
Let me just start by saying I am a pretty tiny person. I would say I'm "model-skinny" so to speak, but I don't starve myself by any means. I am
My girlfriend constantly makes flirtatious jokes about other guys to me. Help?
So, my girlfriend constantly (and I mean constantly, we're probably talking maybe 5 times or so every time we hang out?) makes comments about other
He's just not ready?! - What I've learned and your views please
Dear All, I've read so much around this and feel I've made a good strong decision but I'm looking for your thoughts. 4 weeks ago I met a guy
Am I getting cold feet?
My partner and I have been engaged for about a year now and have been together for over three years. We are an older couple so we both know what we
What should I do about my controlling parents?
I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They check my phone every day
Should I reach out to him after he disappeared?
I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more (it was like 50% me before) and see what he does
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •