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Thread: Ex-boyfriend currently dating the girl he cheated on me with (please help me out

  1. #1
    litttlemisssun
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    Unhappy Ex-boyfriend currently dating the girl he cheated on me with (please help me out

    Sooo where do I begin...
    Back in May of 2011 I met this man. We instantly had a connection. We had both been in long relationships and knew what we wanted. Within 5 days of knowing eachother we began to date.
    For the next 10 months we became the best of friends. We spent every single day we could together and even after 2 weeks I was convinced that he was "the one", I kept it to myself though. I did everything for him, everything. I took care of him when he was sick, did his laundry, made him food when he was hungry, gave him backrubs whenever he wanted, made him sandwiches all the time and told him how handsome he was to me and how much I loved him, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Stayed 100% faithful and 100% commited to him.
    On the 9th month of our relationship I started a nursing course that took up a lot of my day...that's when he began to start talking to this other girl, the girl he would end up cheating on me with. She knew we were dating, she knew for how long too, she didn't mind it though.
    I noticed something was up, I was hearing rumors and a few friends told me about things they had seen and heard.
    I asked both of them to just tell me the truth and I even said to the girl "Please, i've given him everything that I have, just tell me the truth so I can decide what to do" she responded "Don't worry we're just friends".... but nope they were seeing eachother and it wasnt as "just friends".
    I broke it off with him because I still had this bad gut feeling. For the next 2 weeks he was trying to win me back and do whatever he could to prove to me that she meant nothing.
    Funny enough I believed him. And then one of my closest friends sent me a picture of the 2 kissing, I was devastated. He was still trying sweet talk to me too, promising, SWEARING ON HIS OWN MOTHERS LIFE that I was the only one.
    Then I finally threw int he towel and told him I wasnt stupid and i wasnt a naive little girl and I knew what was going on, that i was completely done forever.
    THEN BAM!
    2 hours later he began dating her.
    She's known for being a W* * * * * , her name's morgan and she has the nickname of "Whorgan".

    Whenever people ask me about him, I hold my head high and I talk all the * * * * that I can about him. I refer to him as * * * * * * , douchebag, * * * * * * * , piece of * * * * .
    As far as everyone around me knows, I'm over it, him and everything that happened.

    I'm not though, I'm crying as I type this. It's been a little over a month and it still hurts. I trusted him with everything in the world and he screwed me over so badly. He had me promise him that if I ever wanted to cheat that I'd break up with him first and that he'd do the same for me...but that was a lie.

    He's apologized to me since then. Almost in an ass kissing sort of way. Like "oh any guy would be lucky to have someone like you, you're perfect." "I kick myself in the ass everyday for losing you"...and we're actually talking like friends again. I'm almost disgusted in myself for talking to him still so civilized.

    How do i get over this? How do I stop hurting? Why if they wanted to be together SO BADLY, why couldnt they just tell me the truth?
    Why the hell am I talking to this loser? I know I don't like him, i hate who he is. I'm just not over that I gave him my all and that he did this to me. Please please please help me
    I made an account just so I could get help on this. I don't want to tell anyone around me that he still makes me sad.

  2. #2
    DRW14
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    I just joined here too for some advice on my relationship.

    I would say it's probably going to hurt for a little while but it will pass. Sounds like he wasn't worth your time and you may be better off without him or her in your life.

    Just go out and do things, keep yourself occupied. That's what I began doing after my ex left me.

  3. #3
    Meloshski
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    Its terriable what he did. You were right to drop him, he really wasnt worth it if he wouldnt be honest with you.

    The pain will pass, time unfortunaly is the cure. Try and find things to keep yourself busy or practice mindful meditation to stop thoughts of him when they are overwelming you.

    One of the things you can do is stop bad mouthing him with your friends. Your carrying that anger with you and when you talk like that it dosnt fool your friends. They can see it still bothers you and are trying to be supportive in letting you vent that a bit. Try letting it go, you dont have to forget what hes done but hes just a guy in your past now, dont let that seed of hate spoil the fruit.

    And when you need to cry then cry. sooner you cry the sooner you can smile after. Its not weakness to express truth.

  4. #4
    OneSadPuppy
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    Quote Originally Posted by litttlemisssun [Register to see the link]
    Whenever people ask me about him, I hold my head high and I talk all the * * * * that I can about him. I refer to him as * * * * * * , douchebag, * * * * * * * , piece of * * * * .
    As far as everyone around me knows, I'm over it, him and everything that happened.
    Agree with Meloshski, have to stop cursing him. The opposite of love is indifference. Hate has lots of emotions in there (kinda like love with anger).

    Quote Originally Posted by litttlemisssun [Register to see the link]
    I'm not though, I'm crying as I type this. It's been a little over a month and it still hurts. I trusted him with everything in the world and he screwed me over so badly. He had me promise him that if I ever wanted to cheat that I'd break up with him first and that he'd do the same for me...but that was a lie.
    Some people are just low quality cowards with no integrity. I've been told "I'll never betray you", got a text "we're through" when an opportunity arose for her. The fact is, people only cheat if they want to. There is no "it just happened", "I was drunk" ... It's all crap. It's hard to see the signs that this may happen, but sadly it often does. Not only was this man a cheat, he was a liar and a coward. Thank god this side of him didn't reveal itself after marriage, mortgage and family. There is something to think about!

    Quote Originally Posted by litttlemisssun [Register to see the link]
    He's apologized to me since then. Almost in an ass kissing sort of way. Like "oh any guy would be lucky to have someone like you, you're perfect." "I kick myself in the ass everyday for losing you"...and we're actually talking like friends again. I'm almost disgusted in myself for talking to him still so civilized.
    Don't be civil with him, he's a scumbag. You're making it very easy for him to ease his guilt. You sound like a lovely woman and he took advantage of that. You need to completely go no contact. If you work/school/whatever in the same area, just ignore him. He'll leave you alone. You need to worry about your self respect more than the good manors you have been taught!!
    This turkey's not worth them.

    Quote Originally Posted by litttlemisssun [Register to see the link]
    How do i get over this? How do I stop hurting? Why if they wanted to be together SO BADLY, why couldnt they just tell me the truth?
    Why the hell am I talking to this loser? I know I don't like him, i hate who he is. I'm just not over that I gave him my all and that he did this to me. Please please please help me
    I made an account just so I could get help on this. I don't want to tell anyone around me that he still makes me sad.
    littlemisssun, I've made some of the same mistakes as you did you know! Before I get talk about how to get over him, I want you to consider how much you really wanted this relationship and why. I am at fault for wanting so badly to be in love and having a companion, I turned a blind eye to obvious red flags. By the sounds of it, you really spoiled this man. You showed him HUGE interest level. My question is, did he give you equal back? Did he put in as much effort towards you as you did him?

    People are often scum. In fact, the warmest people I've ever spoken to are usually people on boards like this that have been screwed over.
    This man was low quality. Bad choice. Next time, when you finally date again, make sure that partner puts as much skin on the table as you did!!!
    You deserve it.

    Stop talking to this loser. That's it. Next time he approaches you for a little guilt purge, stop him mid sentence and say "I don't wish to speak to you anymore. At all! We're not friends and I don't want you to bother me again. Understand?" while looking him in the eye, then walk away. Done. Practice it in the mirror if this type of confrontation is difficult for you to imagine. I sure will do a lot for your self respect!

    Of course you're sad. You were in love and it sounds like if the fellow if was not physically present, he was with you in thoughts. Feeling a bit of a void? Is the void only the lack of him, or a dream that you wanted? I ask these questions, because ... I know this can happen.

    My ex wife of 15 years just got engaged to the man she cheated on me with. It was a bit of a shock, but you learn to deal. It took along time to get that woman out of my head. I took a year off of all socializing (bad mistake on my part). You just have to push yourself to do new things, meet new people. Take a course, join meetup dot com. Change yourself to get some pride back. And the most important thing, be patient. What ever you do, do not blame yourself. Do not hash over "what if this, what if that". The man wasn't worthy of you! That's it! You're kind of lucky you found out early.

    Chin up littlemisssun, and start purging this loser from your mind.
    Fill it with more important things .... like yourself!!!

    People like you and I, likely all on this board, our time will come!

    OSP

  5. #5
    lalalollipops

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    Some people don't seem to have the conscience to be honest. And they can lie and it just doesn't phase them one bit. I'm so sorry it had to happen to you. I know how much it hurts as I've been in your situation.

    But I suggest to stop bad mouthing him. It makes you look bad. Hold your head up high and don't dignify him with a reaction and acknowledge how much damage he did to you. Be strong. It's only been a month. When I was cheated on, it affected me emotionally for over 16 months.
    Betrayal hurts.

  6. #6
    Blondiegirl
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    Why are you still talking to this man?? He cheated on you and broke your heart! You shouldn't be talking to that man to begin with you should delete his number ask him to please stop talking to you and go back to the woman he cheated on you with. The nerve of that man!

  7. #7
    litttlemisssun
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    thank you so much you guys i felt instantly better after reading all the advice. I've had no one to vent to and I don't trust anyone's advice my own age. you guys are amazing.

  8. #8
    clarkyyeah
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    As the saying goes a person will never change, he cheated on you and he will cheat on her. I think of it as dont be angry at the other woman, its him who you should be angry at, he made the promises and he broke them too shes just stupid enough to think he will change for her.

    Im going through the same thing, i never got a sorry and ive been ignored since day one, it hurts alot and everyone seems to think im over it and that i dont care but thats far from the truth, sticks with you when someone you never thought would hurt you hurts you but youve gotta meet lots of the jerks before you find the right one!

  9. #9
    prettyflower

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    litttlemisssun .... I came accross this post when searching for a way to deal with a similar situation to the one you've been through. You wrote this many months ago now, do you mind telling me how you're feeling about everything now. I don't think I've ever hurt as much as I do at the moment. I know life goes on and one day I'll feel better but I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel any time soon. Are you over him, moving on? Please reply

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