Just found out another lie about him...

In the 6 years that I "dated" him on/off, he never once mentioned that 1) his father owns a restaurant, 2) that he occasionally works there & 3) how at least 2 women I personally know have raved about the restaurant, about him as their server & how he dated 1 of their friends that he met at the restaurant...WHILE STILL "DATING" ME. I mentioned to them that he is a cheater & a liar.

AND I broke my own rule of NC as today was only day 3 & I broke it by sending a stupid dumb email that he could give 2 rats about.

Why do people find the need to lie, constantly? Why not just fess up to it? Own up to your mistakes & move on. I hate him so much right now. I went through 2 notepads last night writing down every instance that I caught him in a lie that he denied. The list is long & distinguished.

*he constantly lied

*he was constantly on his phone

*he was constantly hiding his phone

*he had neighborhood parking permits to a residential zoned neighborhood to see a girl

*he had women's deordorant in his bathroom

*he bought VIagra a few times and claimed to be 'selling it'

*I caught him driving the LAND ROVER THAT I BOUGHT HIM with another woman in it on Halloween in 2009

*he never came out for my birthday

*I was never invited out for his birthday

*we never went out on the weekends as he 'liked to stay in & just chill'

*I never met any of his friends

*I never met any of his family members

*I always drove

*I always paid

*he would buy gifts for women & claim that they were for his 'sister, mom, or cousin Mari'

*he once kicked me out of his house w/his bag of laundry & forced me to take the bus because his 'cousin Mari' was coming over...STUPID

*I saw pictures of him w/other women on his cousin's flicker account & he claimed that he didn't sleep w/the bride's cousin yet there were several pictures of them all 'hugged up'

*his sister told me stories about him & other women

*my sister told me stories about him & other women

*I once helped him clean his house only for his sister to tell me that a girl came over shortly after I left his house

I HATE HIM W/A PASSION. Though I don't know who I hate more: him or me.

Why the f was I so damn stupid? I wish I could beat him senseless right now. I wish I could throw a brick through his window. I despise everything about him. I even looked up how much it would cost to get a billboard out in his neighborhood! That just made me chuckle a little.

It's 5:41PM & I'm still in office typing this hate note & letting the tears just come down. I'm not even sad, just mad & angry. I wish that I could hit him in his face.

I know that I can't change the past, I know that I can't wish this & want that. I truly wish that I were at the point where I just wouldn't care anymore. That the sound of his name or the thought of him not make me frown. I wish I just didn't care. There's nothing that he can do or say to change anything, nor would he. He would never, ever admit to any wrongdoing.

I wrote this note to myself late last night:

Accept the loss & move on; he's never going to come back, he's never going to contact you, he's never going to admit any wrongdoing, he's never going to say sorry. Cry all you want but it is finished. No amount of crying or begging is going to change anything. Any why should you beg him? Why should you chase him? That's what he wants. He knows that you're suffering. He knows that you'll try to come back. He knows that you'll try to beg. He's laughing at you. Get angry, get even, get mad. F him.

I'm so stupid for believing his bs. ARGH!!! You know the worse part of it all, is that I am literally blowing steam out of my ears. Yes it's true that I have no idea what he's thinking or what he's doing but I can almost guarantee that he's laughing at me right now. Why is this so damn hard? Today has only been day 3 of NC. When I found that out, my heart just sank. I don't know whether to cry or scream right now. Seriously, grow the f up! He's 31 for heaven's sake & plays with people's emotions like it's a damn game. You can't tell people that you love them one minute & the next betray them. That's not right. Where is Karma when I need her?!! If I could go back to October 10, 2005, man would I have NOT answered that phone call.

I read all of these horrific tales of heartbreak & I think to myself, why do we stay when we know it's bad? Why do we stay when we know that nothing will ever change?

I'm sorry to hear of your frustration and loss. It sound like this tool really took advantage of your kind heart. Perhaps, the question you need to ask yourself is why you let someone walk all over you for so long? No longer being part of this guy's life is the greatest revenge you have at your disposal. He will inevitably end up with someone like himself.

I guess I drank the kool-aid! Ok bad joke but I need a laugh right now. It's amazing how quickly your feelings go from being angry to sad & depressed again. I let him walk all over me because I was convinced that he was the one. I was convinced because he fit certain criteria that I mentally had on a man. I had never met anyone like him & we got along so well & he made me laugh. Little did I know that it was all an act. But I must say, I always knew he was a liar, a snake. I never wanted to admit it to myself because I was afraid of facing the music. There are no words out there to describe the pain & hatred & sadness that I am feeling all at once. I'm sick of feeling like f'ing garbage & he go on like nothing. Why is he not hurting? Because he's a selfish tool. He never cared an ounce for me. Yes I am not psychic but I know that he's not hurting like me. He has no heart, no soul, no remorse.

I want to say that less than an ounce of me is hoping that he is hurting, that he his remorseful, but I know that is a lie. That small part of me keeps checking my junk folder in my email, keeps looking at my phone for a missed call from a blocked number but that will never happen. I wish that I wasn't such an optimist when it came to matters of the heart. My heart is torn into several pieces, so small that it looks like confetti. I'll never know why he did what he did to me & that's what hurts the most.

I'm dealing with the same angry/sad/depressed cycle right now. I'm such a mess and I know deep down that she could care less about what I'm going through. I'm sitting here with my cell phone right now, trying not to dial her F****** number. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't figure that out for myself. I guess it helps slightly to know that others are going through the same heart wrenching BS. If you had a gut feeling about him being a "snake" all along, you may want to consider this an important learning experience. Take this knowledge into your future relationships, so that it never happens again.

Don't call her. I know, I shouldn't be giving you advice on that matter! Ugh, living in this world of technology is no bueno. My learning experience: stay away from snakes. This is what happens when I allow someone in. I never thought that he was going to treat me like this, never. I can still hear him telling "you're my best friend. They say you should marry your best friend." What a crock! Best friends don't consistently lie to each other nor do they intentionally hurt the people that they claim to care about. I blame a big part of this ordeal on myself "I got burned". I'm smarter than this. I guess you & I should just guide each other throughout this mess. It's like the blind leading the blind here. Do you know the worse part of this all? I wanted to marry this man. I spent my late 20's w/him. Now at 31, I feel so lost. I thought that this, relationships/heart break & ache get better as you get older because you're wiser. I'm starting to believe that my aunt lied to me when I was 16!

Stay strong..it happen to me too...I believed all the "Don't leave me!" cries, "You are the love of my love," whispers, "I'm sorry," tears, "I'll never cheat on you," conversations...I had the same issue...sometimes I thought of just leaving but when she begs not to leave her I stayed strong...but in the end I was the one that was hurt, over a phone call...don't worry, be the better person..revenge is sweet with a bitter after taste but karma is blissful, you'll hear about it when you least expect it...i'm not wishing anything bad would happen to her but i believe the universe is balanced and justice will come one day...

No. None of this gets easier with age. I'm 31 as well. I only had two real relationships over the past two years, and I got burned on both of them. I spent almost four years with a girls who cheated on me with one of my best friends. That was fun. After a full year of healing, I got involved with a girl who suddenly dropped me like a bag of sh**. Completely out of the blue, with no real explanation. "I need to be alone" is not a legitimate reason for leaving someone. Not when they were smothering you with affection up until the day before. Yeah, she told me I was her best friend too. That's awesome. I hate this crap. NOt sure how many more times I can handle going through this. She used my self esteem to prop up her own ego, I guess.

I think that when people say "I just want to be alone" that it's just a cop-out. Just tell me the real reason. The thing that pisses me off the most are all of the f'ing lies. You're 31, grow up! I just wanted him to admit to it all. He literally had me on a damn puppet string. Is his name really A******? Who knows knowing him! Argh my blood was literally boiling last night. I cried like a 5 year old, just bawling out the tears while watching Law & Order: SVU! God I love that show...who cries while watching that? The very thought of him sleeping with me & then a few days later sleeping with someone else & then lying to me about being "sick" or just wanting to "chill out at home" pisses me off. In fact, I feel like vomiting right now. I wish that he were right here in front of me; I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't ask why, I would beat the dimples out of his face! I've been through break-ups before but not like this. This is different in the sense that even though it was 6 years, & even though we traveled, went out to dinners/movies/etc. we were never committed; we never established being boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess in my mind I assumed, which is bad on my part, very bad actually, to even think that. In his mind I was just an ATM...an ATM that he occasionally slept with, had dinner with, traveled with, etc.

I have to say, I don't blame anyone else but myself at this point. I'm smarter than that. I should've listened to my intuition. I should've run when I saw the red flags.

I can see why you would be frustrated loxy but in time that will fade. Stop be angry with yourself. You have now seen him for the total waste of space that he is, and that is the main thing. Whatever you do don't send him anymore emails. If he is expecting you to call him, to chase him, to plead to beg then your silence will have far more of an affect on him than any email will that, firstly, he is expecting and, secondly, that you know, and said yourself, that he couldn't give two rats about. Eventually your continued silence will tell him that you have finally moved on and that is all the revenge you need.

You are absolutely right about the silence. It's just so difficult to not look at your phone & hope for a voice mail or for a missed call; to look at your email every few minutes in your deleted or junk folder to see if he's written. I know that he's wrong for me now; I know that he's an awful person b/c he cares for no one but himself; I know that I was used from day 1; I know that he will never, ever, ever admit any wrong doing; I know that he will never, ever contact me again. If I know all of that, why can't I just let go? Why do I keep hurting myself this way? Why do I continue to give him satisfaction?