Reflective Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 ok I'm not a * * * * or anything but I have needs. I've repressed for so long. i decided in order to have a healthy view of sex I might as well do it. so i had sexual contact with my male friend. he was cool with it and I was. I told him we could be friends with benefits because I've been sexually attracted to him as he was with me for awhile now... we didnt have sex entirely but we did things... more than once. anyways... I thought things were cool. great a guy I trust and like as a friend who I can have sex with at the same time and have everything be chill. TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG. now he's getting all possessive and jealous! and clingy. what the f! I have never once seen him like this never ever. he doesn't want me talking to any guys. always telling me to home and not to talk to guys. always asking if I'm out and if I say "yes" asks "with who?" and if I tell him he says "let me speak to her" what the f?!?! lol! I dont get it. i freaked out so I talked to him "hey what's going on with us" he said "you're my girlfriend. I like you." umm what? I said "oh... we are friends though just friends. you and I agreed it would be mutual. we can have sex but it's friends though." he said "oh.." he sounded hurt and I MADE SURE HE UNDERSTOOD! he said he did. the next day he didn't get it at all.. calling me his baby his girlfriend.. again telling guys not to talk to me. alway getting mad when he seen me txting "who is that? a guy?!" what is his problem? I dont get it i thought it was mutual the friends with benefits. he said it was okay and it like right after he shows this aide of him? we were in bed together and he said "don't leave me. I like you. I don't want any guy touching you or asking you out. okay? please." he sounded small and child like i would have thought it was cute but it freaked me out? what the heck is going on with this guy? btw he's 23 and I'm 18. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I don't think this guy has had a FWB before. Some people separate the emotional from the physical. He just found out he can not. Link to comment
Princess123 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 You know what you want, he knows what he wants, you two just don't agree. He is too stubborn minded to let it go. You have detailed out the concept of friends with benefits to him right? I'm thinking a friend with benefit is: no pet names, no titles, no hanging out, just booty calls in the middle of the night? Maybe he wants exclusive friends with benefits. Just you and him not you have other friends with benefits? So he feels claiming you might help with that? Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 sorry to sound blunt.. just cold hard facts.. because as soon as he he shoots his seeds.. its almost primitive.. your his, nobody can else touch or have u.. fast forward to 2011 this is not how soceity is anymore.. and most guys have evolved too not thinking like this.. or have learned to control there emotion.. but some havent.. even though guys arent usally needy or clingy with their friends.. its just something comes out in us, when it pretains to a female.. Link to comment
Reflective Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 You know what you want, he knows what he wants, you two just don't agree. He is too stubborn minded to let it go. You have detailed out the concept of friends with benefits to him right? I'm thinking a friend with benefit is: no pet names, no titles, no hanging out, just booty calls in the middle of the night? Maybe he wants exclusive friends with benefits. Just you and him not you have other friends with benefits? So he feels claiming you might help with that? No Im scared he thinks we are in a relationship now.......... Link to comment
Princess123 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Oh my gosh! Then just break it off entirely. He clearly doesn't get it. Link to comment
Reflective Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 sorry to sound blunt.. just cold hard facts.. because as soon as he he shoots his seeds.. its almost primitive.. your his, nobody can else touch or have u.. fast forward to 2011 this is not how soceity is anymore.. and most guys have evolved too not thinking like this.. or have learned to control there emotion.. but some havent.. even though guys arent usally needy or clingy with their friends.. its just something comes out in us, when it pretains to a female.. I'm beginning to think he trapped me. he agreed on fwb to get close to me.. like I don't get it. he's very posessive... all of a sudden!!! and constantly calls and texts me it's weird... all we did was something related to sex won't go into detail now he's all "you're mine"??! * * * ! Link to comment
Reflective Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Oh my gosh! Then just break it off entirely. He clearly doesn't get it. but he's the only one I want to have sex with. we ha an agreement so why is he not abiding by the agreement? Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I'm beginning to think he trapped me. he agreed on fwb to get close to me.. like I don't get it. he's very posessive... all of a sudden!!! and constantly calls and texts me it's weird... all we did was something related to sex won't go into detail now he's all "you're mine"??! * * * ! very possible...if he agreed on fwb then all of sudden he is acting like ur bf... Link to comment
Princess123 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Your an orange. He is an apple. He probably liked you all along and figured this way you may "fall" for him. He seems pretty determined though so if you don't want a relationship the best thing would be to break it off. If you say it over and over and he just doesn't get it, then he isn't going to back off the whole relationship thing. You can't change people. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 No Im scared he thinks we are in a relationship now.......... I think he believes you two are at least exclusive. This is the typical risk run with FWB. Someone gets attached. He got attached and this is his reaction. You have to say this isn't going to work. No jealous behavior is involved with FWB. No emotional attachment. This is what's happening with him and he obviously can not control it. Link to comment
Reflective Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 I think he believes you two are at least exclusive. This is the typical risk run with FWB. Someone gets attached. He got attached and this is his reaction. You have to say this isn't going to work. No jealous behavior is involved with FWB. No emotional attachment. This is what's happening with him and he obviously can not control it. what? I'm sorry what does exclusive mean..? I thought no jealousy or emotional attachment happened in these things...? Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 What did you define in this FWB situation? What rules did you set up? There are so many different types of FWB's and how people deal with it... What do you guys do? Talk about things or just do the deed and he goes home? This is why it is more important to do FWB with someone you either aren't that attracted to...just for sex, or someone you are attracted to but there is no friendship or risk of relationship. Link to comment
Reflective Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 What did you define in this FWB situation? What rules did you set up? There are so many different types of FWB's and how people deal with it... What do you guys do? Talk about things or just do the deed and he goes home? This is why it is more important to do FWB with someone you either aren't that attracted to...just for sex, or someone you are attracted to but there is no friendship or risk of relationship. well.. we agreed to just please each other sexually with no seriousness. if he needed me I was there and If I needed him he was there. well.. we were always friends. but it's like after being intimate sexually i seen a whole new side he would call me late at night and just talk. we would talk about a lot of things.. he would talk about his life, his past etc. but it wasn't so serious you know? or I thought it wasn't because we were already friends. im just really weirded out. even asked me if I was sure about this? that he wouldn't pressure me and he wouldn't force himself on me etc. which i thought was weird because i thought when sex was involved it would be just straight to the point no conversation etc. even after we would lay there and he would talk to me and stuff.. but i thought it was normal because we were friends Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 That is why...you guys already shared something emotionally and he was already emotionally attached to you as he has opened up to you and you have listened. I am not saying this is your fault, or hist fault, but that is the cause of his behavior, because there is an emotional connected for him...and now a physical one. You need to be firm...if all you want is sex...that is all that needs to be exchanged...no talking on the phone, no who are you with, no texting, just meeting up for sexual pleasure and that is it...that is the only way an FWB can work...period. You can't be friends on your level with an FWB. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 As fast as his reaction, I'm going to agree with the folks who say he liked you as more than a friend BEFORE sex came into it. That just introduced the element that gave free rein to his hopes of a relationship. He viewed it as intimate in a way that you didn't. And for him, the extra intimacy came with an emotional attachment increase. I'd have to advise to cut off the benefits with him. It doesn't sound like logic or explanations are working, and the extra sexual contact will probably just increase his inner hopes and determination to have an exclusive relationship Link to comment
bulletproof Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Men don't do anything. This particular guy does. He didn't trap you. You agreed to a situation and his feelings changed, or perhaps they were there from the beginning. I say if you aren't interested in a relationship then extract yourself from the situation. Pretty simple to do. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 what? I'm sorry what does exclusive mean..? I thought no jealousy or emotional attachment happened in these things...? Exclusive as in the only person you are FWB with. Regardless emotional attachment has happened on his side to react the way he has. Some people are wired in a way to be able to detach sex from emotions. This guy is not wired in this way. Link to comment
Generation Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 It really depends on the guy. I would say most men don't get possessive or jealous, and instead more women do. Guess it depends on the situation. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Some day you will look back on this and realize it was all stupid from the start... As you have treated him, someone will treat you... Link to comment
BritterSweet Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 The fact that you two have different feelings toward this situation shows that it isn't working out, and the best choice is probably to break it off. I don't think either of you are "right" or "wrong," but continuing this FWB relationship may result in more conflict. P.S. If it's not too much trouble, I'd really appreciate it if you ease up on titling your threads "Why do men so-and-so?" and reserve it for when you really are asking a question about men in general. Link to comment
jaysmaury Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 The world needs more women like you and less guys like him. Link to comment
CMS Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Macho girl and emo guy, sounds like a match made in heaven. Link to comment
Shudder Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 sex always changes everything Link to comment
Reflective Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 The fact that you two have different feelings toward this situation shows that it isn't working out, and the best choice is probably to break it off. I don't think either of you are "right" or "wrong," but continuing this FWB relationship may result in more conflict. P.S. If it's not too much trouble, I'd really appreciate it if you ease up on titling your threads "Why do men so-and-so?" and reserve it for when you really are asking a question about men in general. No. I won't do what you've asked because I don't take orders from people. And um my question is about men in general.. did you not get the memo? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.