8 days since I put my kitty down and i am still crying

Sigh, I never knew a loss of a pet could be so painfully PROFOUND. I still cry ... especially when i get home from work to an empty house, no Jordan to greet me at the door .... and not seeing him first thing when I wake up.

I just feel so bad that he got so ill and that I had to put him down ...

I went to look at cats at Petsmart adoption center today, liked this one cat, but just no connection between him and me... He's a tux but I prefer med to long hair. He was just too heavy for me to pick up ha ha ..

I just want my kitty back .... I got his pawprint yesterday that the vet made for me after he died, and that made me cry really hard last night.

WIll this ever get easier? I see cat hair all over my chair and I can't bring myself to clean them up .. it'd be like cleaning Jordan away ...

Oh, my heart goes out to you, and I understand. The grief can be unbelievably deep, and the only way 'around' it is through it. Time does help. Meanwhile, write as often as might help. I'm holding you in my thoughts.

I'm very sorry for your loss. It will get better but you'll always keep him in your thoughts. I always think of my dog, miss her a lot. Perhaps keep those memories alive, including the paw prints, the hair and everything that you treasured? There's no reason to try to push that sadness out, it's perfectly normal to miss your best friend.

I am so sorry for your loss. I had to put my cat down 7 years ago and it was one of the most emotionally painful things I ever had to do. Time does ease the pain though. I hadn't planned to do so, but 10 days after I had to put him down I got the two cats I have now and they are such bright spots in my life. They are my babies.

i'm so sorry. i hate this so much for you. i know how much it hurts.

when i put my dog down, i couldn't stand seeing her fur everywhere but couldn't clean it up. she was a white dog, and out of the corner of my eye the day after she died, i saw something white zoom by me. turns out it was a paper towel that had blown accross my floor. I burst into tears at that.

it will get better but it'll always leave a spot on your heart. i still grieve over leeluu and it's been a year and a half now. and i vacuumed my car recently (something i never ever ever do) and found a lot of her fur int he cracks of the seats. i hated vacumming it up. it made me feel like i was getting rid of her completely.

i don't recommend getting a new cat just yet. if you're not ready, don't rush yourself. it's not fair to you or the new cat. give yourself time.

Yes that's true, I just downloaded a new book on pet loss on my nook... so far so good, and I am seeing my therapist tomorrow so that will help some..

I just keep replaying that final moments over and over in my head.... me holding him in my arms as he was being put down but I'm glad he didn't go alone .....

I had seen rainbows a few times since then and even took pics.

It definitely does get better. I had a 14 year-old cat I lost under similar circumstances at the beginning of 2008. It hurt quite a bit. I cried several times in the first few weeks. The cat was just such a fixture with me growing up that it was just such a mental shock to suddenly be without him.

It took me a few months to really adjust. I still sometimes find clumps of his hair tucked away in odd places, and it still brings back a sudden pang of memories. But that's not a bad thing. It just shows that he meant something to you.

I still replay putting Leeluu down and how she looked. We kept eye contact as she went. I heard her last breath. I still remember that every day. But I know I needed to do it...she told me she was ready to go. She was so sick and she gave me this look lik e"I'm ready" and I made the appointment later that day.

Hers, what was her signs of telling you? His signs to me, was that he didn't really want to be cuddled much, but lets me hold him for a while at a time, and goes and finds weird places to sleep, and whenever he was on chair with me, he would stare out in space, kinda towards heaven ....

it was just a look in her eyes. she was always succh a happy and lively dog. i knew she couldn't do it anmore when i threw her tennis ball (her favorite) and she looked at me like she didn't want to go get it. like she was ready. she didn't ahve the energy to do her favorite thing. and i knew then it was time.

I can relate entirely, I put my 9 year old dog down late last year. It is now over four months later and I still cry about it and feel like my heart rips in two when I think of him.

He died in my arms and the pain of that moment hurt more than anything physical I've ever endured.

He spent days in intensive care, I would visit him everyday and when it came to part, his eyes looked like knew what needed to be done. He was no longer full of life and in a lot of pain despite being loaded with drugs. Remind yourself that you did the humane thing as animals cant make these decisions for themselves.

It gets a little better each day, slowly. I didn't buy another dog as we already have another one at home. But I make sure that this one is looked after that much more so that I might be able to detect any sign of illness early on.

Sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is really difficult and takes a lot of healing, just take it one day at a time. It will get better.

I went to look at cats at Petsmart adoption center today, liked this one cat, but just no connection between him and me... He's a tux but I prefer med to long hair. He was just too heavy for me to pick up ha ha ..

You will never replace Jordan, but your heart's in the right place. I think it's way too soon for you to connect with a new pet, but, when the time is right, consider going back to that adoption center. Last December I went down there to adopt a tortiseshell kitten, and they upsold me on her brother! So now I have two (Slash and Izzy), and they're pretty fine little cats overall. (Well, they were devils for a while, but they're learning to focus.)

Anyway, adopting is a good thing. Remember, the adoption center is "the big stage," and once cats make it to the stage, they always get adopted eventually. But "backstage" are foster homes, and by adopting a pet, you free up a spot onstage for the next pet who just needs public exposure, nothing more.

WIll this ever get easier?

Maybe not. I put had to put down a cat more than 10 years ago, and the experience (and the loss) it still bother me. But maybe that's not such a bad thing.

OK, Update: been 12 days now .... and I'm still crying, Friday I got his ashes, and it made me cry even more.

I should share this ... I had a dream that same night or the next night, I can't remember.... that when I was holding my kitty while he was being put down, he started YOWLING as to say why was I killing him, and he actually had tears, and then died. That dream has affected me deeply.

I know he is not suffering anymore, and not vomitting anymore. I just feel so horrible. He was my constant companion for 12.5 years.

I'm so sorry. Please come here and talk to us any time you need to.

When my lovely cat had to be put down I wasn't even there, I was away in France for two months and while I knew he was ill I didn't know he'd die. He got very sick all of a sudden and had to be put down, I only found out via a phone call from my mother after it happened. This little guy was my childhood pet I'd had since I was five years old, I love him so much. He was the best cat I could have ever found and I was in floods of tears when I found out he was put to sleep. Days after I was still crying. I had this dream a few days later where I was on a beach filled with kittens, they were all scurrying away when I walked but one stood out from the crowd and looked at me, it bore a striking resemblance to my dead cat, I picked him up and cuddled him. When I woke up I felt a little better. I'm not a very superstitious person but it helped.

Still sometimes I dream about him, and I remember seeing a film a year or so ago where a cat was put to sleep and I started crying. I had another cat at the time he died who I still have, and a year after I also got a kitten. Not a replacement for my dead cat, just a new one to accept into the family as we have room and she's lovely. When you're ready I suggest getting another cat, not to replace your deceased one, just to get to know another.