My anti-social behavior is going to lead me to lose my friends

I have no idea why I am being so anti-social. The anxiety meds have helped to calm my anxiety down, which is a GOOD thing, but I am anti-social more than ever.

For example, I did go to the birthday dinner for my friend last night. It was a nice dinner party that lasted a few hours, but I was so quiet most of the time that the girl who I gave the ride to, kept asking me if I was ok or not. I chatted and laughed on occasion, but didn't conversate much. I was also nervous and fidgeting a lot and wishing the dinner was over because I wanted to go home and sleep (I was tired), and because I wanted to be alone. I like the people I am friends with. It wasn't anything they did, but it was me, like I just couldn't stand being around people.

Those feelings scare me. It is like I have to push myself to go to social events and when I do, I am quiet at them and don't socialize a lot. Then I want to go home as quickly as possible. I am NOT like that around my best friend though. I openly conversate with him and hang out with them and stay overnight at his place.

Even the bday girl made a comment to me last night that I was really quiet. She also invited me to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and I declined.

I am skipping fencing practice today mainly because it is so hot out here and because I don't want to be around people. My asthma hasn't been doing well lately. Maybe because my place is so dusty. I wish I had more space so I could put the guinea pig cage in another room. Their bedding generates a lot of dust.

If I keep being like this, I am going to lose my new friends, I think. Last Sunday I did make the effort to go over to my friend's to play WoW and that was nice.

But I keep to myself a lot. This is NOT going to help me with keeping friends OR finding someone to date.

Ugh!

the whole post screams "excuses". what's really going on?

the whole post screams "excuses". what's really going on?

What u mean?

I'm not happy. I like my new friends, but I'm not happy. I dont know why. I want to be alone.

What I bolded...all excuses for not doing things. What is it that's makin gyou feel like you have to be alone or that you want to be alone? It's good to want alone time, but what is it that's making you want to isolate fully?

Ren, you have said this so many times now that I think it could be time to discuss a change in medication. Maybe you could make an appointment soon. Sometimes you have to try a few to get it right. I think you've given this one long enough.

I agree with hersmudders. You have social anxiety, I do too. It is hard. But you can't use it as an excuse. You are aware you have a problem, you are aware it is going to start causing MORE issues in your life. But you are using it as an excuse.

It is good that you went out to the birthday party last night. That is excellent. You stepped out of your comfort zone. That is awesome. So next time push it a little bit further. I am the same way when I am in new situations or with new people. I sit back, I am quiet, I observe. And yes, sometimes it has led to people thinking I am stuck up or not having a good time. And since I now know that is how people view me I have to step it up. I have to try and break out. Even simple things like asking people questions about themselves. It shows you are engaged and that you are there. When we are standoffish and aloof people don't see it as shy, they assume we are not having fun or don't want to be there etc.

And yes, your comfort level with your best friend is there, but that is because you guys have been friends for a long time. You have developed a comfort with him. It isn't easy breaking out and meeting new people. But you have found a great group of people who want to include you in their lives. The more you withdraw the more they will stop inviting you. They don't invite you out of obligation, they invite you because they like YOU and want to spend time with you.

Stop using your anxiety as a crutch it will just keep holding you back.

Hers, I'm not sure what is making me be this way. Maybe it is because I am losing interest in fencing, losing interest in the SCA, and not sure why this is happening, esp since I have friends there, have a hobby I am getting good at.

I don't want to get involved in things that require me to have to be responsible to a certain extent. I just like floating in and out of things. I already have to be responsible about work.

I also feel out of place, like I don't have a lot of friends and also that I don't have an SO. And I am mad that I can't meet someone to date from there, since that is one of the reasons why I joined the SCA, to find a SO. Others seem to find someone they click with rather quickly. I don't. The few guys I DO like, aren't attracted to me except as friends.

Miss F, the med DOES help my anxiety. I am A LOT less anxious about things and how people feel about me, than I used to be, and that has helped with my worry and nervousness.

If this keeps up (with my weird anti-social behavior), I just may wean off the meds and deal with my anxiety just so I can be social again.

Miss F, the med DOES help my anxiety. I am A LOT less anxious about things and how people feel about me, than I used to be, and that has helped with my worry and nervousness.

 

If this keeps up (with my weird anti-social behavior), I just may wean off the meds and deal with my anxiety just so I can be social again.

If it's making you hide out, then I think it can't be good, Ren. You need to get out there again.

Hiya i totally understand how you feel and it is not nice. Suffering from depression and anxiety i have really distanced myself from certain friends in my life, i find it such an effort to call them, meet with them. One friend in particular was quite harsh with her words in the early days of my depression which has not helped and i really dont want to be around people who make me feel a lot more down on myself.

I think(hope) it will get better in time. Are your friends supportive of you?

do you think you're still too dependent on your best friend?

have you considered another hobby other than sca to try to meet people? link removed maybe? what happened with pottery? do things b/c you enjoy them, not b/c you want to meet someone there. b/c if you don't, you'll just be disappointed.

I do like the SCA, it is something I have an interest in sometimes. Just don't have the same intense interest I had before. I stopped taking pottery lessons late last year because it was getting a bit too expensive.

I've tried meetup groups but never really developed interest in it. Went to a few events and decided it wasn't for me.

I know it sounds like I am making excuses, but I have gone out and tried the social route but still I don't feel happy and content and although I am not as lonely as I used to be, I wish I could find someone to be my SO.

I think I was also a bit unhappy last night because there were two couples there (I am good friends with all of them) and they seemed so happy, touchy-feely, etc and I miss that a lot.

I may still be too dependent on my best friend. We talk everyday (usually twice a day), but I don't seem them all the time, because sometimes SCA events get in the way and I don't have the energy to go to an SCA event and then drive 2 hours north to hang with my friend.

You can't meet someone if you sit at home alone all the time though. It's a catch 22. You have to find something that works more in your favor for meeting someone.

Tulipsfav, my friends are supportive of me, although most don't know I suffer from anxiety. My friend was happy I showed up to her party and she really liked my card. Two of my friends do know I take anxiety meds and that I have been anti-social for a bit. One of them really goes out of his way to include me in things (inviting me over to his house to play WoW with him and his gf, arranging times for them to do dungeons with me so I am not left out, including me in things). And when I do fence, people are kind, nice, and work with me to help me out about things.

This is more of my own issues, than people mistreating me or ignoring me. I do have some decent friends out here.

You can't meet someone if you sit at home alone all the time though. It's a catch 22. You have to find something that works more in your favor for meeting someone.

Right now, the best way is to keep doing SCA things and fencing. There is an SCA event next Sat and I will be at it and then go see my best friend afterwards.

People are accepting of me and work with me on things. It is me who seems to run away from people who seem to accept me. Not sure why.

Tulipsfav, my friends are supportive of me, although most don't know I suffer from anxiety. My friend was happy I showed up to her party and she really liked my card. Two of my friends do know I take anxiety meds and that I have been anti-social for a bit. One of them really goes out of his way to include me in things (inviting me over to his house to play WoW with him and his gf, arranging times for them to do dungeons with me so I am not left out, including me in things). And when I do fence, people are kind, nice, and work with me to help me out about things.

 

This is more of my own issues, than people mistreating me or ignoring me. I do have some decent friends out here.

This is really good that you have nice friends, you have support from good people. Its not easy. Take care. x

You sound just like me. Lately I have had the chance to meet some new people from a class I'm taking, but b/w running back and forth b/w work and school, I just want some time to myself to recoup. When I get back to my apartment, I instantly feel better. For some reason, I'm finding loud groups annoying to be around (co-workers at work and happy-hour events).

It sounds like you have a good group of people around you. I'd say, just make little efforts to talk on the phone or have lunch with new friends. Then when you all get together in a group, you will already have common ground to talk about.

Even though I go out to friend's events, I've noticed myself that I instantly have this wave of insecurity. I am trying to make the most of things and show interest. Good luck with your situation.

I had a similar thing happen to me. I'd never had anxiety problems before I moved here. Then all of a sudden I was having horrible panic attacks every day. I was so scared that I wouldn't make any friends and when I started to hang out with people I'd get so anxious that it was easier for me not to do it at all. I really wanted to go out, but the panic wasn't worth it.

Then I went to the doctor and got on some anti-anxiety meds. They were amazing at first. I felt so mellow and it was a big improvement to the way I was before that. Shortly after that I didn't even feel the drive to go out at all. I didn't really get any enjoyment from it. I was perfectly content to just stay home. Eventually the medication started to cause problems with my memory and general cognitive function. I had to go off them because I started doing really poorly in school. Part of that could have been because I just didn't care, but I attribute most of it to the meds. Now I'm off them and my anxiety is back. Once again I feel like going out and socializing, but I'm moving soon, so there's not much point. I'm hoping that when I move back to familiar territory my anxiety will settle down.

I don't really know what to suggest. I take a 1/4 tablet sometimes if I know something really stressful is coming up and I can't sleep, but that's usually no more than once every couple of weeks. I'd prefer to feel like this than have my brain turn to mush and not care about anything.

Also, I feel the same way as you do, with being aloof with events/people. I like to arrive late, and leave early (mostly b/c I work on the weekends).

I made a few friends with the class I was in (mostly ppl from abroad), but could have socialized a lot more and made connections with in-town people. My excuse to myself was that I was juggling work and then when I got to class, I needed the time to focus and do work for school. With work gatherings, I put them off because I was busy and/or tired from school. Maybe it is just Time that I am fighting? lol. And who's really judging my social interactions except myself?

I think things eventually come around naturally, but a little bit of effort helps in getting what you want. I would say, have no regrets, always look forward to the new, next situation. I am really trying to.

The bolded is EXACTLY how I feel. I just hope it doesn't lead to memory problems. That would be bad.

There is a possibility I may try to wean myself off the meds mainly because I don't like the sluggishness I feel now. I have trouble waking up in the morning and am now becoming very people-avoidant.

In the beginning it was great, helped me calm down and such, but this after-effect is NOT good.

The bolded is EXACTLY how I feel. I just hope it doesn't lead to memory problems. That would be bad.

 

There is a possibility I may try to wean myself off the meds mainly because I don't like the sluggishness I feel now. I have trouble waking up in the morning and am now becoming very people-avoidant.

 

In the beginning it was great, helped me calm down and such, but this after-effect is NOT good.

I found it hard to get up in the morning too. Since I've started using them on an "as needed" basis, I've felt a lot better. There is still some anxiety there, as I said, but at least I have the motivation to get out of bed and out of my house. Also, since the type I take is addictive, I feel better only taking it occasionally.

I'd recommend talking to your doctor about it to see what would be best for you.

Dragon Lady, what do you take, if you don't mind me asking? If you want, you can PM me about it.

I thought anxiety meds weren't instantaneous and that it took time for it to work and be useful, hence one can't just take the med to calm the anxiety down at that time.

I take klonopin (clonazepam). It's a benzodiazepine, so it works within 30 minutes or so and doesn't need to be built up in the system. In fact, it works better if you don't have it built up.

Are you taking an SSRI? A lot of them are used for anxiety, but they can't be taken in the same way as benzodiazepines can.

Ren, I really recommend that you talk to your doctor before weaning yourself off. The meds could be having a sedative effect, leading you to feel less motivation to be social. They are helping you to be less anxious, so don't throw out the baby with the bathwater if you know what I mean.

I take klonopin (clonazepam). It's a benzodiazepine, so it works within 30 minutes or so and doesn't need to be built up in the system. In fact, it works better if you don't have it built up.

 

Are you taking an SSRI? A lot of them are used for anxiety, but they can't be taken in the same way as benzodiazepines can.

Yes, I am taking an SSRI (Lexapro).