"It's not my life."?

I don't like to keep up with dates that remind me of bad things, but I'm around 6 months apart from my ex-girlfriend (which was a 4 year relationship I believed was ending in marriage)... well 6 months if you count the 2 month break that resulted in nothing.

Either way here I am. I have been heavily into a TV show to help me cope with everything and one character as much as he wants it cannot have the married with kids life because of circumstance. For some reason the words stuck in my head "It's not my life." After some time I adopted this phrase as a reality. That perhaps girlfriends, love, all of that just isn't meant to be my life despite how much I might want it. I have nearly convinced myself that "It's not my life" is truth.

This year has taken so much from me, I've lost pets, friends (death). Family in the hospital ICU.. Jobs, and my girlfriend. I just feel like this year just keeps me tied down and beats me and I'm honestly ready to submit. I'm not as mentally strong as I've been after it all.

With all this I've fallen so low that I do honestly believe that whether it be appearance, or personality that no one will ever take such interest in me again, thereforee I embrace this whole "It's not my life" concept. Despite friends and family telling me how funny and loving I am, or how I am cute. Hell, I even had my ex tell me that "You look good." In reference to me losing weight.

I just feel so mangled emotionally that I've become nearly faithless. I feel like I'm a colder person now.

Everyone keeps telling me that I will find someone else, but I don't believe it through my own shortcomings or just simple lack of faith in the idea. So I've taken to believing that such thoughts won't be my life, and that I should just accept that and move on instead of torturing myself. I just feel that when my mind set is "Keep looking, you won't have to be alone forever" It'll just hurt all the time and I'll end up making life worse for myself.

So I guess I want to know if you think that my adoption of this term (It's not my life) is wrong?

And am I too far damaged for anyone to look my way?

Any questions you might have for me are welcome. Thanks to anyone who helps in advance.

Hey Th3CrOw!

By'Its not my life' you mean that you can't have love,happiness & fulfilment.You are simply being way too hard on yourself.I am sorry! its been one hell of a sad & strenuous time .You have gone through terrible loss and bereavement but just pause for a moment & reflect on where you are today, on the 'here & now'.

You have been fighting,rather stoically fighting! The Night is darkest just before Dawn right but does that scare the lightbeams away? It doesn't!Can we give up hopes for a new day?We can't because we can stop the clocks but not the time.Time hurries on!We can't cloud our vision in a false illusion .Nothing is permanent.

You can't give up.You have got so many years ahead of you.Why do you want to rob them of spirit , love and fulfilment just because this one year has been dark?

You don't wanna fade out , you can't..You have been indomitable and doughty so far, you can't let this get the better of yourself now.

You have been formidable against all the pain and misery & I am sure you can surge further ahead from here.You just need to keep going! You are special & you deserve everything that has eluded you.Chin up !!

I feel exactly the same as you, down and out for the count. In fact, I could have written that post exactly.

However, In Limbo is right. This is life and this is your life as no one else can live it but you. You are being too hard on yourself, as am I, and everything seems hopeless at the moment. And that's the keywords, at the moment, where it won't be forever but it will feel that way. I've a few more years on you and I can tell you that life can be like that, there can be great highs and deep lows that you feel you won't ever escape.

In my case everything was perfect in my life, I was doing better in my job, then my girlfriend all of a sudden split with me and now I feel an empty, shattered shell of a man. I got ill and nearly died, not a nice experience at all. But all in all, I am still here and still living life. Life will get better but not when we want it to, all we can do is hang on in there until it does.

This is exactly right. It's easy for other people to say this because they are not feeling your pain. But think of it this way, they have felt pain that you won't experience and they have made it through. So can you.