Boyfriend went to bachelor party and I feel insecure...

So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. His friend is getting married this spring and so the guys planned a weekend trip to Windsor, Canada for a "bachelor party". My boyfriend went with them last weekend. He even told me that they went to strip clubs. For some reason I feel so insecure about this. I hate thinking about it! I used to not trust him at all but the past 6 months or so I have felt very secure in our relationship and haven't even looked at his phone or anything! But now all of a sudden after he went to the bachelor party these jealous feelings are coming back and I don't like it How do I get this out of my head??

be more insecure with yourself. he is with you. you have no reason to think he is cheating or anything do you? most strip clubs are strict on touching and such. at least out here. you get tossed out quick. there are some shady strippers though that don't care. but you trust your bf right? that's all you need.

be more insecure with yourself. he is with you. you have no reason to think he is cheating or anything do you? most strip clubs are strict on touching and such. at least out here. you get tossed out quick. there are some shady strippers though that don't care. but you trust your bf right? that's all you need.

Yeah I do. And this was also his first strip club experience so I'm guessing he was probably a lil nervous or whatever. I have been having some serious family drama prior to his lil weekend getaway though that made me very distrustful of men. To make a long story short, my dad came clean about an affair so I've been very torn up about that. and then hearing that my bf went to strip clubs all weekend didn't help at all!!!!

I think it's a good thing he told you he went. He could have easily lied about going. If you think you are up for it, go to a strip club with him. Find out for yourself what it is about and have a good time together. I agree with ghost.

All I can point out are 2 things you've said:

1.) He's the one who told you about the strip clubs. It's not like he lied and then you found out from someone else. So he seems on the up-and-up.

2.) What your dad did was horrible, but the worst thing you can do is to start becoming distrustful of "men." If you project your feelings about your father on to your boyfriend, it's going to ultimately destroy the relationship. The thing guys hate most is being blamed or scrutinized for something they did not do.

I think it's a good thing he told you he went. He could have easily lied about going. If you think you are up for it, go to a strip club with him. Find out for yourself what it is about and have a good time together. I agree with ghost.

It just makes me insecure because in Canada the strippers are FULLY nude. I don't like to think about some stripper putting her vajayjay all up in my boyfriend's face. It's so disrespectful.

All I can point out are 2 things you've said:

1.) He's the one who told you about the strip clubs. It's not like he lied and then you found out from someone else. So he seems on the up-and-up.

2.) What your dad did was horrible, but the worst thing you can do is to start becoming distrustful of "men." If you project your feelings about your father on to your boyfriend, it's going to ultimately destroy the relationship. The thing guys hate most is being blamed or scrutinized for something they did not do.

Very true. I am trying my best not to hate men. Because I know that there are good guys out there. I still love my father dearly and nothing will ever change that. I try my best NOT to project my feelings toward my dad on my boyfriend, but he litterally went to the bachelor party DAYS after my mom broke the news to me. It just seems like everything bad always has to happen at ONCE!

It just makes me insecure because in Canada the strippers are FULLY nude. I don't like to think about some stripper putting her vajayjay all up in my boyfriend's face. It's so disrespectful.

That seems like a whole separate issue then you trusting him about cheating or not cheating. If you think it's disrespectful to yourself (which I agree with, btw), then you need to focus on that and not worrying about trust issues.

Very true. I am trying my best not to hate men. Because I know that there are good guys out there. I still love my father dearly and nothing will ever change that. I try my best NOT to project my feelings toward my dad on my boyfriend, but he litterally went to the bachelor party DAYS after my mom broke the news to me. It just seems like everything bad always has to happen at ONCE!

I can completely see how it would really rock your view of the world/men right afterwards. If it all comes crashing down at the same time, it's hard to hold on to what you knew before all the crap happened.

That seems like a whole separate issue then you trusting him about cheating or not cheating. If you think it's disrespectful to yourself (which I agree with, btw), then you need to focus on that and not worrying about trust issues.

Well there's nothing I can do about it. It just disgusts me and I try not to think about it.

Oh and he told me that he didn't get any lapdances, just the "bachelor" did.

Oh and he told me that he didn't get any lapdances, just the "bachelor" did.

That's good. If that is the truth then he didn't have a girl's cooter in his face. I can see how it would be tough to handle though. But I'm sure he is very much in love with you and an exotic dancer could never get in the way of it.

That's good. If that is the truth then he didn't have a girl's cooter in his face. I can see how it would be tough to handle though. But I'm sure he is very much in love with you and an exotic dancer could never get in the way of it.

Yeah that made me feel a lil better But its not like he would admit it if he DID get a lapdance cause he knows i would be pissed!!

Values justify actions. Situations create opportunity but they don't determine values.

Do you not trust his values....or do you question your good looks and worthiness as a partner in general?

Values justify actions. Situations create opportunity but they don't determine values.

 

Do you not trust his values....or do you question your good looks and worthiness as a partner in general?

I'm not exactly sure where his values stand. This was his first time being at a strip club so obviously it's not something he does all the time. I just have VERY conservative values. Im an old-fashioned type of girl and I don't like the thought of naked women all over my boyfriend taking his money. I KNOW I am a good looking girl. I have a good personality and I'm a great partner in my opinion. I'm not perfect, but I have a lot going for me. Plus, strippers are gross. Most guys I know make fun of them and just go to bachelor parties because it is "tradition".

So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. His friend is getting married this spring and so the guys planned a weekend trip to Windsor, Canada for a "bachelor party". My boyfriend went with them last weekend. He even told me that they went to strip clubs. For some reason I feel so insecure about this. I hate thinking about it! I used to not trust him at all but the past 6 months or so I have felt very secure in our relationship and haven't even looked at his phone or anything! But now all of a sudden after he went to the bachelor party these jealous feelings are coming back and I don't like it How do I get this out of my head??

side note: WHY WINDSOR!?!?! such a dive LOL

with strip clubs it is what it is..if your boyfriend is a stand up trust worthy guy then he went there for the amusement and entertainment and to hang out with the guys...no harm no foul...The strip clubs are an anomaly...they're not cheating b/c nothing comes from it...its really just a case of boys being boys...if he says nothing happened and he didn't do anything while there do you have any reason not to believe him? I think you are doing more harm fretting over something you can never know for sure...just trust that what he said is true.

Values aren't a situational dictate.

does he "value" his relationship with you? Does he generally respect the opposite sex? Does he value his commitments as they show his character...or is he someone that doesn't whatever he wants, if he can get away with it?

Values justify action.

Yes in Canada they are fully nude, but that does not mean there are not rules or that your boyfriend cannot respect your boundaries.

My boyfriend has gone to stripclubs for bachelor parties or birthdays (both here, and in the U.S.) and quite honestly, it really does not bother me. We both know our boundaries (i.e. not only does he believe lapdances are cheating, but so do I so it works well in that respect!) and he respects those and I trust him. He always tells me if he is going, and we talk about it after (sometimes some of the strippers are ridiculous and they or the performances are more funny than erotic...I know, I have gone to stripclubs before or we talk about other funny things) and I don't know, I trust him and the person he is (his values, respect, honesty).

I don't know how we would of survived this many years if we did not have that trust; he travels a lot for work for example, and we never would of made it if I questioned everything he did everytime he was away from me!

This is both a mixture of me knowing the person he is, knowing who I am and being confident in that and knowing if a man did disrespect my boundaries, I could walk away with my head held high and be okay. So, I think this really comes down to not only trust, but your own self esteem and confidence in yourself & the relationship.

Values aren't a situational dictate.

 

does he "value" his relationship with you? Does he generally respect the opposite sex? Does he value his commitments as they show his character...or is he someone that doesn't whatever he wants, if he can get away with it?

 

Values justify action.

Yes I would say he does value his relationship with me. He is very respectful of women. However, he is the kind of person that does whatever he wants. But at the same time, he treats me good and I reallyd on't have that much of a reason not to trust him.

You are absolutely right! I do need to work on my self esteem a bit. It's not that I am afraid he is going to leave me for a damn stripper haha cause that is just preposterous!!!!!! I just tell myself that I will believe him for now, but what's done in the dark will be brought to the light eventually. and if I find out later down the road that he cheated, I'm gone....

It's simple...if he says "I am an honest person" - he won't tell a lie. If he doesn't value being honest........then situations dictation his options.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. His friend is getting married this spring and so the guys planned a weekend trip to Windsor, Canada for a "bachelor party". My boyfriend went with them last weekend. He even told me that they went to strip clubs. For some reason I feel so insecure about this. I hate thinking about it! I used to not trust him at all but the past 6 months or so I have felt very secure in our relationship and haven't even looked at his phone or anything! But now all of a sudden after he went to the bachelor party these jealous feelings are coming back and I don't like it How do I get this out of my head??

So you didnt trust him for 1 year and a half? Why didnt you trust him before?

Also if this helps at all most strippers could care less about your boyfriend. Strippers arent looking to meet a guy. They are trying to get men to blow their money on them. You would probably have less to worry about at a strip club then if they were going to a regular club. Ive been to a couple strip clubs in Windsor a long time ago. It may be different now but while they were naked they would dance on a box and did not touch you. It was really not that big of deal. It wasnt some earth shattering experience. It was pretty boring actually.

Recognize that you have female friends and you will likely end up going to a wile bachelorette party. Your boyfriend will have the same thoughts and at male strip clubs...some crazy stuff goes on.

Some crazy things happen at Canadian strip clubs...but if you trust your man, you have nothing to worry about.

So you didnt trust him for 1 year and a half? Why didnt you trust him before?

 

Also if this helps at all most strippers could care less about your boyfriend. Strippers arent looking to meet a guy. They are trying to get men to blow their money on them. You would probably have less to worry about at a strip club then if they were going to a regular club. Ive been to a couple strip clubs in Windsor a long time ago. It may be different now but while they were naked they would dance on a box and did not touch you. It was really not that big of deal. It wasnt some earth shattering experience. It was pretty boring actually.

I didnt trust him for the majority of our relationship because I kept letting my insecurities get the best of me and i would find myself looking through his phone. i caught him talking to ex girlfriends that he promised he wouldn't. just a bunch of stuff that made me not trust him. but then i decided to STOP searching through his stuff and if he is doing something bad...i will find out eventually and that is when i will walk out. i haven't looked at his phone in over 6 months.

Think about what a lie is for a second.

IT's someone that has done something and the result of it has caused a consequence they don't want to deal with. So they're lying about "what they did' - to avoid a consequence.

Lying, cheating, stealing, killing - it's all the same thing really - in percentage upgrade.

Doing what you want, because you can...and then at the expense of someone else to avoid negative, you lie, or steal, or cheat, or kill.

You dno't really have a reason to trust him...if you've caught him lying before. You'd have to be allowing him to earn your trust....not of his fidelity - but of his character...while you eavaluate everything he does, everywhere he goes.

The person that lies to the boss to go to the beach with you...believes they're entitled to gratification at someone else's expense.

That is someone that is going to lie to you....when it facilitates their agenda.

You might have started out in a bad dynamic....if youo were constantly scrutinizing, supervising, and monitoring his every move from the beginning.

There's no good reason for bad behavior....but if someone you've just begun to date and have fun, sex, enjoyment with is constantly after you about what you're doing or who you're with when it it absolutely NONE of their business,there is no commitment or obligation.......then in order to continue to have fun/sex with you - they must "avoid" you finding out what they do that would "upset you".

The need to supervise someone indicates that you believe they're the best you can do as an option, in light of your inferiority. So you're jealously guarding them "getting away".

After awhile, that behavior would be enough of a turn off that most people would end the association...no matter how fun, sex, or whatever you are, it's not worth having to "sneak around" just to have conversations or associations with people that you believe are totally within your right to associate with.