neolithic Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Hello all.. I've never been the type to date military guys.. instead, it's always the musicians for me! Several times this has turned into boyfriends in the studio day and night and then on tour for months. This boyfriend is no exception... except he's on a major label and this is hopefully to be his job!.. at least for a while. I was wondering if there are any other musicians girlfriends/wives support groups like there are for military wives. I know it's different, but tour is miserable when you're on your own, especially with the reputations people give musicians, besides just being away from them for a long time. Are there any other musicians girlfriends/wives out there on ENA? We should start something, maybe! But yes, tour is coming up, after a couple months of being back at home with me, but I am not looking forward to it (tour, not him being with me, duh!) Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Haha Right here! My boyfriend is in a Metal Band and they are going on tour in July. So yeah I know what you are going through! They went on tour for a week and even that seemed like too much. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 well, you knew what you were getting yourself into before this right? Link to comment
grendel Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I have a musician husband but he doesn't go on tour and hardly ever gets shows. He is depressed wondering why his music can't be successful. I think his music is good, but it is awfully hard to get into music venues around here. Hmm. Mine is a totally different situation but yours sounds difficult for sure! Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 True, true! Ghost 69. We did choose it. We love our boyfriends/husbands. We want them to play their music, its a part of them, its their passion. You just have to admit when they are on tour you do miss them. It makes it easier I find though when the girlfriends of the band hang out. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 True, true! Ghost 69. We did choose it. We love our boyfriends/husbands. We want them to play their music, its a part of them, its their passion. You just have to admit when they are on tour you do miss them. It makes it easier I find though when the girlfriends of the band hang out. oh, i'm not doubting you don't miss them. i'm just pointing out that you get the heartache from putting yourself in the situation. not really their fault. just saying it was your choice. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Haha, I agree we did choose this ourselves. I think its a cute idea to create a support group for band girlfriends/wives. So you thinking about joing Ghost 69 hehe? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Haha, I agree we did choose this ourselves. I think its a cute idea to create a support group for band girlfriends/wives. So you thinking about joing Ghost 69 hehe? uhhhhm, my bf isn't in a band. lol. but that would be a good idea for you guys. having a group of women going through the same exact separation problems is a good idea. Link to comment
neolithic Posted April 11, 2007 Author Share Posted April 11, 2007 women marry men in the army all the time. it's still not easy to be separated from them. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 women marry men in the army all the time. it's still not easy to be separated from them. i think they are talking about musicians and them being on tour out of town, etc. Link to comment
dawn515 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 My bf is in a band too. They (so far) only do tours locally, but I worry all the time what it will be like when he goes on tour, which he definitely wants to do. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 there is a such thing as a local tour? are you referring to within one state or something but at distant cities? i think if you go play somewhere else and then come home at night, and go play another place, that isn't a tour. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 a local tour would be like cities or towns an hour or two away. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 but they would come home after though right? i wouldn't consider that a tour per se. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Well for my boyfriend's band they are. I'm not sure how it works in the states. I'm assuming its pretty much the same thing. You have a bunch of dates booked day after day and they are all places not too far from home. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 i consider a tour as being on the road for weeks and not being home at all for that time period. yeah it's a 'tour' as labeled for the band's gigs, but not really 'on tour'. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 I just call them mini tours. Cause when his band goes on the road, they usually stay someplace along the way. So its not like they go to the show and then come back in the same night, they usually stay at someone they know's house. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 okay, i would consider that on a 'tour'. more or less on the road. i think a tour is like all over the country, multiple countries, etc. Link to comment
dawn515 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 there is a such thing as a local tour? are you referring to within one state or something but at distant cities? i think if you go play somewhere else and then come home at night, and go play another place, that isn't a tour. Sorry if I caused confusion. Yes, I said "local tour" offhandedly, meaning, tours within the local area (I live in a big city), and that means he doesn't always come home at night because the area I live in is quite large. I was concurring with the lady who worried about bigger tours -- I don't like thinking about losing him for 3-6 months on a state tour, or longer if it were national. Link to comment
This Little Lady Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Don't even get me started on the big tours. I missed him soooo much when he went for a week! They are going away for a month this summer. My boy hasn't gotten into the 3 monthers yet. When is your man going? Link to comment
IvanD Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 I am a boyfriend of an artist. She is beautiful and my stomach is always in knots when she travels, writes and has meetings with the largely male-dominated music world. I also, being a guy, pretty much know she'll be hit on a lot. We have an amazing relationship, but I get worried a lot. How do you all cope? Link to comment
Peatwos Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 When I met my husband he was not a musician and wanted to start a family . Now he is a full on DJ traveling all over the world but on my salery I can not afford to follow and I gotta stay home work and be with our son. It was my dream to travel and see the world and he had never been anywhere when I met him. I wanted to see the world together now he is partying all over the world. It is NOT like the military those boys work hard my man just parties. NOT FAIR AT ALLLL. Link to comment
Peatwos Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I don't cope that is why I am here. Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Have you tried reading the long distance relationship section? I imagine that is pretty similar when being with a guy who is away a lot. Link to comment
dmm00 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I've been looking myself to see if there are any forums for wives and/or girlfriends of touring band members, as the relationship is definitely unique. It is rare that you have a friend to chat with that can truly understand the mindset necessary for a healthy realtionship that endures long separations. Here is a little of my story for anyone who is interested: I have been with my husband for over 11 years now (8 yrs married). When we met he was playing in a band that was just doing shows locally once in a while. He is a dedicated musician, and over time and with some member morphing he ended up starting a successful metal band. We were married for about 3 years when we made the choice (financially and mentally) to live this life together. The decision wasn't easy. We knew the sacrifices that would come along with this lifestyle. In the end, the choice was clear. This is what he was meant to do. Honestly, I cant imagine him doing anything else. Today he tours the world, and is probably on the road about half of the year. This is not all at once, of course. But can be for 4+ weeks at a time. I have taken some time off to tour with him a bit. But life on the road, even in a tour bus, is not easy. We've been lucky to be able to keep the separations down to about 3 weeks max with my visits to date. Now, we are entering a new phase together. We are about to start our family, and it will be a challenge for sure. But I am so proud of my husband, and truly excited to share this with our son. It's trying for sure, but amazing to see what he has accomplished. I hope there will be more action on this forum. I would love to hear other stories from those willing to share. Link to comment
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