surfjon Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I put it all on hold 22 years ago to raise a family and have a career....... Opening for the Circle Jerks, Black Flag and the Mentors is no life for a young dad!!! So I put it all on hold, quit the band but never quit playing. I'm glad to have stopped the band thing when I did back then, although I'm alone now and divorced, raising a family and having my kids was worth the trade and I'd do it again. I don't know how you girls do it, what I've been thru and seen......whoa boy !!!!! Link to comment
mccluskeya1 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 i don't know if anyone will still reply but hopefully you're all still out there, and still the girlfriends of the musicians..i'm only 18 but i'm going through this right now and it's harder than i could ever have imagined, someone to relate to or anything would be great Link to comment
jewelia Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Hopefully people still read this, the dates go pretty far back... Someone who is a girlfriend of a musician, reply back, and then I'll give some input back, just cause I dont want to be starting a conversation with myself =) Link to comment
RoadieWidow Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Yea, the dates do go far back. I just signed up anyway to respond to you. I have 4years of expereince of trying to deal with my boyfriend being in the music industry with long bouts of touring road life. I am here if you want to talk Link to comment
RoadieWidow Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Hi. Do you still check this out ? The dates go pretty far back, but you are at least in 2009. I just joined and have 4 years experience with my boyfriend being in the music industry with long bouts of touring road life. I'm around to talk. Link to comment
messmör Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 Hey. Here's hoping that some of you are still lurking. My husband is a touring musician. He's the drummer in a metal band. In the last couple of years, things have really gone well for the band so he's been gone even more often than before. Most of me is really happy for him. A small and I do mean small part of me sometimes wishes he had a 9-5 job. I find it a bit hard to talk to the people I know, including my friends about how I feel about all this. When they say, "That sucks." They still don't understand how much it sucks. It also doesn't help that I moved to the other side of the world to be with my husband a couple years ago so there's also that adjustment. But as I put it for a friend of mine the other day, "Life with a bit of him is still better than life without him." Hope to hear from you. Any of you. Link to comment
SmilesLovey Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I'm so excited to finally find a group of people who can relate! I am a musician's girlfriend and I find it to be extremely hard when he's on the road for weeks/months at a time...we have done really well so far but it's still hard not to fall apart when I'm home alone and missing him like crazy...hopefully talking to some of you will help! Link to comment
SmilesLovey Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I'd love to talk to you...I hope you're still around and checking this site! Hopefully we can share some stories and advice...this is a tough life we're living!!! Link to comment
Elizabeth010 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I am also a band girlfriend. I had no intention of this when we first started our relationship 5 years ago! but in the last year the band took off and are doing worldwide tours all year. I just find missing him so difficult, I just wish we got to spend more than just a few days together at a time. He had a week off about 3 months ago and it was wonderful and I just miss hanging out together doing normal stuff at home rather than only seeing him when I go on the tour bus or at gigs. Its great that I get to travel to lots of wonderful places but I am trying to concentrate on my university degree but the band constantly distracts me. The touring schedule is not too bad until June but then they are playing over 50 festivals up until September and I am just dreading it. I love my boyfriend so much and he is the kindest and most trustworthy person I have ever met but sometimes I just get angry about the smallest things when he is away and I cant help it. They are touring their first album at the moment and I understand that they have to take everything that they are offered which is why they are so busy. Please someone tell me it gets better after the 2nd album! Im holding out for next year! Link to comment
SmilesLovey Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 My boyfriend's band has put out 3 albums...and, sorry to say, it only gets worse! I mean, no matter how many albums they put out, they still have to promote the current one...which means hectic touring schedules and lots of days, weeks, and months on the road. It's especially hard because the bigger and more popular they get, the more groupies are out there following them around to all their shows and waiting in line to get backstage...ugh. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and I don't think he would cheat, but I just dont like the thought of girls throwing themselves all over him! The worst part is just being away from him so much and not getting to spend quality time with him like I would like to. We started dating while he was already in the band, so people always say "you signed up for this..." but I didn't know it would be this hard. I knew he would be away a lot, but I thought I would be able to go with him more than I do. He always wants me to take off work and travel with him, but I can't take off very often! I went on the road with him for 3 weeks a few months ago, but that was when I was in between jobs and could do it...now he's gone for a month and Im going crazy! Here's the thing: there's nothing I can do about it right now...If I want to be with him, then this is the life we have to lead. It takes a VERY strong woman to stick this out, so I wanna congratulate each and every one of you for doing it! Let's keep talking to each other and supporting each other through this!! Link to comment
Elizabeth010 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 But if your boyfriend has had 3 albums out doesnt it mean they can be more picky about which gigs/festivals they choose to do? Maybe i am just kidding myself of that! I am just looking forward to december when the album cycle is over and they have to write and record a new album and he will be home! and we can take a holiday! I am hoping that groupies wont be a huge problem, as i think it is rather fortunate that everyone in the band and crew has long term girlfriends/wives and they are quite private people. Though saying that, my boyfriend is the lead singer and gets a hell of a lot of attention which can be difficult to deal with. But my advice to anyone who gets upset by the groupies is just think to yourself, you are the person he loves and has fallen for, would you ever behave in the mental way that the groupies do?? definitely not, so he is hardly going to find their behaviour attractive. And just dont let them bother you, I always stand with him, offer to take photos of them with him and just be really nice, friendly and smile at them. Its the best way to be, even though really you want to kick them! Link to comment
Elizabeth010 Posted May 20, 2009 Share Posted May 20, 2009 Also, i admire the fact that you are keeping a job, because I finish university next year and it is so tempting to just give my career away so i can see him more. I think it is much more attractive for us to have our own work life separate from them and do what we are passionate about too. I have definitely noticed a change over the past year in my drive to have a really successful career and I am finding it difficult to motivate myself to find what I am passionate about. I think I am going to use the summer whilst he is away to focus on what I want from life instead of just working my life around him all the time. Link to comment
messmör Posted May 27, 2009 Share Posted May 27, 2009 My husband's band is on album 8. It used to be just European tours and North American tours, then in the last couple of years, Australia and South America and more festivals and more tours. Personally I can't really stand the touring life. I see him here and there and might follow him around for a couple cities but I cannot do the full touring life. I need my nest and I need my little space and I need something to do. I find touring so ridiculously boring. Everyone else has a job to do and I'm just sitting around twiddling my thumbs. My husband and I have had conversations about it. We see touring as being part of his job life and it doesn't mingle so well with home life. It wouldn't be so fun for either of us if I brought him to work with me. But all that is my take on touring. Link to comment
Mellie78 Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Hi! Im really needing some imput here!! Is it really possible for a relationship to work with a musician?? I've always believed that if two people want/willing to try, then its well worth the shot!! My bf has been in plenty of bands, but this current band is really getting noticed!! Lots of shows booked...mini tours..and what not..Which is awesome!! With him being on the road isnt the issue!! We have talked about starting a family before his band progressed and now Im not sure that is in the cards for awhile...( at least a yr or 2) His dream is to make it as far as possible.....My dream is to be a mom!! Im willing to hold on for a year and see where this band might possibly go....Would really like some good advice on what to do.......Should i hold on, or should i let go???? Link to comment
messmör Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Mellie78: I think that it is possible for a relationship to work with a musician. It's not impossible for him to do his musician thing and you two to have a family but that would also mean that if the band takes off and there's more touring, he won't be around as often. There are a couple of guys in my husband's band that have kids and there are things they regret missing out on, i.e. first steps and first words. Link to comment
Mellie78 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 thanks for the reply!! it is very hard sometimes to talk to my friends about our relationship because they have no idea what its like to be with a musician!! I do really think maybe this will all work out! Link to comment
crewife Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I did start a blog for just this reason. Though my husband is not a Musician per say ( he is part of the crew). He does tour for months at a time. I have been doing this for several years. I started this blog to find out how others deal with someone in the music industy. Link to comment
Aimee8 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Hello. Are any of you still out there? I have been dating a musician for 8 years. He plays in a lot of different bands, doing everything from pub gigs to corporate shows to major festivals and tours internationally with one of the more successful groups (album #3). At the moment he is away 6-7 days/nights a week doing shows and we have to actually schedule in date time and night to ourselves. It is really hard and as much as I love him I'm not sure how much more I can take. Even tho I have my own career and try to do my own interests / dinner with friends, etc. I do get lonely and sometimes I do think I'd be happier with someone with a "9-5" job. I'd love to be able to talk to other people in this situation who understand. Where is your blog crewife? I'd love to have a read. Link to comment
Aimee8 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I found this blog, datemusos dot blogspot dot com Link to comment
crewife Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I have been married for to a member of the road crew for several years. I could never find anyone who understood what I was going through. Even though he is not the guy up front he is still gone for months at a time. So I decided to start a support group for those who are in the same situation. roadcrew-wives. Link to comment
crewife Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Not sure I can post a url so just look up roadcrew-wives Link to comment
missjb4 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Hi, I'm a brand new member to this forum, so please be patient with me. I signed in via Facebook, but I have my own profile on here as well. I am really glad there is a support group for lovers of musicians because as much as I love my boyfriend, I am quite lonely too. You see, he's a drummer for 2 bands and 90% of his time is spent with them and I feel as if he might be a so wrapped up in his bands and music that I'm not his top priority. His friends from one of his bands don't want me around because I called him on his cell phone several times once and since then they have it in for me. I have known my boyfriend for many years now on and off. We have known each other much longer than he's known them and I just really feel as though his band buddies from this one particular band I am talking about have been sticking their two cents worth into my love life with him. One of them only met me once and the other never met me at all and they judge me and criticize me. There is only one guitar player that I have become friendly with from his other band, but most of the others I don't feel comfortable around and as I was saying, the two that I am referring are very nosy. I wish I could go to gigs with him and he does too, but he's afraid that there might be a conflict since there are a lot of hard feelings and animosity between me and them. The band I'm talking about has made me feel like another Yoko Ono. All I can say is, now I know how celebrity musicians' girlfriends and wives go through by being married or romantically involved with a celebrity band member. Anyhow, I need help on how I can handle this problem with my boyfriend because the two of us are what you call long lost loves and I feel this band has come between us and because he belongs to 2 bands, our relationship isn't progressing and it's hurts so bad. I have had so much pain and confusion over this and I really want our relationship to become stronger. I also want things to be right with this one band I am crying to you all about, but after everything that's been said and done, I feel very uncomfortable about it. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I know this thread is old... but just got to say why aren't there more girls like you!!? This love for musicians must only exist in the USA, because I am feeling none of it over here.. Link to comment
thisiskole Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I know this thread is really old, I'm hoping someone still sees this. Does anyone know where I could find a current forum or group dedicated to this topic? I loved reading all of these posts, but I need someone to talk to NOW about this. I'm having trouble finding anything recent. PLEASE HELP! Link to comment
shmadi Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I'm so glad i found this! My boyfriend's band just got signed to a big label as well, and they're going on tour next year. He invited me to go on a mini tour to a festival in Chicago with them, and i'm going to try so hard to go!! Not just because a ton of amazing bands are playing, but also so i can get a feel of what tour is like from his perspective. There are so many things i'm super anxious about with the whole touring thing... i don't even know where to start! but i'm so glad there are other women out there who are dealing with the same issues. Also, i just signed up on this site and have absolutely no clue how it works. Link to comment
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