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Thread: A significant other moving far away...what to do? Stay or follow?

  1. #1
    Member JynX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004

    A significant other moving far away...what to do? Stay or follow?

    Hi's been a long time since I've made a post on here.

    I'm finding myself in a bind I've never been before Last week I found out that my boyfriend will be moving up north within the next couple of months because all of his family is...there are better job opportunities there. We've been through a lot in the past that brought us closer, and we have a wonderful relationship. We click well together, we are deeply in love, and make each other very happy. He is my best friend, my lover, my partner in everything...he very much is a big part of me.

    When he told me, all I could do was break down crying. I don't see myself being happy without him here. When he moves, it'll crush me. I'll lose a part of myself. The distance will make it hard on both of us. Just picturing my everyday life here without him tears me up. I have been in a foul mood this whole weekend, not being able to put this out of my mind.

    As upset as I am, over the past couple of days I've had time to logically think about it. There are options that the two of us have.

    1) He moves, I stay here and we try to work things out from there with seeing each other every couple of months, holidays, breaks, etc.

    2) He finds a way to stay down here.

    3) I move there with him. At 18, I'm legally allowed to. It'll be a big change, I'll leave everything here behind...but I'd do it to stay with him.

    Those are the options I see. There is still a lot of time before any decision has to be finalized and set in stone...but I'm the type who likes to know all of my options before the deadline and have them thought over.

    We very much want to stay together...we're willing to try our hardest to make things work. I would like some opinions from everyone here...what do you all think about this? Any other ideas, comments?


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    all i can say is long distance relations are hard, my friend is doing one, and its hard for her but surprisingly they're still together

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    3) I move there with him. At 18, I'm legally allowed to. It'll be a big change, I'll leave everything here behind...but I'd do it to stay with him.
    You are young with your whole life ahead of you. What plans do you have for your life...what are your goals.....are you in this your first love?
    You need to focus on what YOUR life goals are and how you will achieve them. Two people who are committed, can have a long distance relationship and make it last. Ultimately, for marriage you will have to be in the same place. The distance can be a good thing to test the strength of your relationship. I have known of people who have moved for their boyfriend or girlfriend only to find that the relationship does not last and they are left in unfamiliar surroundings with no friends or family around. Don't move just to be with him and hope the rest of your life will sort itself out as long as you are near him. Make plans for YOUR life and YOUR future. If he is part of your future, he will be there no matter the distance.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Scout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Has he asked you to move with him?

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Aurian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Vancouver, Canada
    Excellent advice! Think very hard and try decide if the relationship is worth moving and giving up the things you have around you for. Look at what you want in your future and decide if moving will help or hinder those dreams. Planning to go to college? Maybe see if there is a good one near where your bf is going.

    You could also try the long-distance thing for awhile too. It is very hard and requires a lot of trust and committment, but if you put a time limit on it perhaps (ie - 2 years while you finish college, or until your bf is able to move back to you), it would give you time to decide on your future and see how strong the relationship is.


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