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Thread: .....

  1. #1
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005


    I feel awful, like used goods.

    I don't know guys, things aren't going well.
    My boyfriend cancelled the wedding date.

    That was something I was excited about, I did all of the planning.

    Today...I can't stop crying. I just can't. And since he mentioned my therapy appointments, I feel like...used goods, like no one wants to be with a rape victim.

    So I've been raped.
    So what?
    I can't help that.

    And I try, I try, I try to be as normal as possible.

    I mean, what more can I give?

    He says he finds me desirable, but I don't believe him.

    And we made agreements, commitments, and now his have changed.

    I met him one week after I was raped, and I guess I just depended on him for too much....for my safety, for security.

    And I love him so much. But now my safety and security is gone, so I don't know what to do.

    I feel so bad.
    I feel like being raped has made me less of a person.

    I mean I'm not good enough anymore.
    I'll never be good enough anymore.

    No matter how much weight I lose, no matter what clothes or makeup I wear...I'll still be that person, forever, I can't change anything about it

    I just feel so worthless.

    And I want him to want to make out with me. I want to feel normal. I feel like I'm dirty or something.

    I feel dirty, why doesn't he want me in that way?

    I don't know.

    I'm just scared, scared of everything. Nothing is safe or secure any longer.

    It's all gone.

    I don't believe I'll ever get married, it just won't happen for me.

    This is the way things go.

    Life is unpredictable, people are unpredictable, the only person that is safest to trust is me.

    I can't be anything but myself, I don't know how to be anyone else.

    I just..............................

    I don't know what to do.

    Does anyone have any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Member Phoenix69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Auckland, New Zealand
    Have u talked to anyone about your rape? I myself was raped three years ago, and I felt all the same things you do. I have been with my BF for two years and he is the first guy I have been with since the incident. I can only imagine what u are going through right now... It caused issues for us in the beginning, but he ended up convincing me to go to counselling and dealing with all my saddness instead of giving into it. I must admit after four months of intense counselling I am the person I used to be and much MUCH more. I gained a new love for life and a new approach to life. Our rapists may have taken our bodies, but they will never take your soul or your mind. Talk to your BF, explain how things are for you at the moment and ask him for his support. As I have said, therapy is not just for nut jobs, it has other benefits as well.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Tigris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    You can do it Gracelove you just need to have faith in yourself and follow the advice that Phoenix is giving to you.

    Well done Phoenix for taking control of your life again.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Hi Grace,

    Well, another day, not too bad, not so good, such is life. Your boyfriend needs time to think. The prmary issue is your wellness.

    You know what, I get post notifications by RSS and by the title "....", I was quite sure if was you.

    I have something that may help you. It's part of a bigger guide which I will post soon.

    Could you please read that carefully, several times. Next please take up a Mental survival activity like writing poems.

    Most important to remember and perform.
    This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it.
    • You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
    • When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
    • You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
    • You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
    • Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
    • Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
    • Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
    • Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
    • Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
    • Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
    • Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
    • Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
    • Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
    • Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
    • KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
    • Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!

    When you feel down, distract your mind doing positive things.
    Last edited by nottoogreen; 08-07-2006 at 04:56 AM.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    I'm so sorry, Gracelove.

    Are you and your bf still together or did you break up? Maybe your bf just wants to make sure you are feeling good and safe before marrying? I know it feels hard to understand right now; but this does not to have to mean he doesn't love you.
    He could be making sure that you are ready for the marriage - you've got a lot going on right now. Maybe in his mind he is trying to look out for you and your healing.

    You are not damaged goods. You are strong. You are beautiful.
    You are still the same person. (sometimes she just feels a bit lost with all the pain she is healing from).

    ((grace)) thinking of you. Hope to hear back from you soon, and that you feel better soon.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Where the streets have no name.
    you are beautiful grace

    there is a apart of you that feels safe and happy. find her and stay with her.

  8. #7

    Join Date
    May 2006
    I'm not an expert, but I can tell you as a survivor of rape myself, life goes on. We just have to be able to pick up the pieces one by one.

    You are not damaged goods, your a beautiful person & a survivor too. I hope that you find solace in knowing that even though things may be difficult right now dealing with all the things that you are going through, things do get better eventually.

    Be blessed

  9. #8
    Originally Posted by aminae
    you are beautiful grace

    there is a apart of you that feels safe and happy. find her and stay with her.
    I agree with you

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