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Thread: how to tell a child his father isnt his father

  1. #1
    dazedandconfusedbydestiny

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    how to tell a child his father isnt his father

    How do you begin to tell a child that the father he always thought was his, isn't. Just recently I notified his real father that he is a father. Kind of long story but look for my other post it will give you more of a idea on whats going on. No my husband who has raised my child along with our other 2 has no idea that the son he has raised isnt his either. its under finding love and soulmates. Anyone ever face this, the boy is 12 yrs old.

  2. #2
    melrich
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    Oh God...that is an enormous issue and I really do not think that anyone on these forums will have the qualifications to give you the correct advice (especially sight unseen) and you really need the correct advice.

    The best thing I think anyone can tell you is to consult long and hard with a child phsychiatrist and a counselling professional. you have 2 things to handle here, your sons welfare and your husbands. This is not something to step into lightly.

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    AwdreeHpburn
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    I suggest a family counselor. They'll help you thru this together.

  4. #4
    dazedandconfusedbydestiny

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    believe me i know. It has been a hard decision to even tell my friend that we created a child 13 yrs ago. Dont get me wrong. I told him i was pregnant when i found out. But he assumed it was my husbands since he withdrew and i was on the pill. I never corrected him. It has gotten harder and harder as time has gone by because my son looks so much like his father its scarry. If he had black curly hair he would be his fathers double. I have no clue how my husband never figured it out either. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the child doesn't look like him.

    So you know my friend lives over 200 miles away so its not like he has seen our child much. We talked alot on the phone but other then that. It's been 10 yrs since we saw each other in person. People ask me how im so certain that hes not my husbands without a paternity test. All i can say is, to put their pictures next to each other. You would think my son was his father as a child.

  5. #5
    Hope75
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    Are you planning to tell your husband that this boy isn't his biological son?

    It seems that telling the biological father now after your husband has been raising this child as his own with no knowledge that he is not his biological son, is incredibly selfish and has the potential to destroy your family.

    What do you plan to do?

  6. #6
    dazedandconfusedbydestiny

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    I do plan to tell my husband but what makes it complicated is he has been physically violent in the past. I am absolutely terrified of what he would do when he finds out.

  7. #7
    melrich
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    It seems that telling the biological father now after your husband has been raising this child as his own with no knowledge that he is not his biological son, is incredibly selfish and has the potential to destroy your family.
    Yes I agree to an extent. I think you have to get your priorities right here. This is not about your ex at the moment, after all trhat has happened he is incidental to the issue and in fact any hint that you have concerns about his role and feelings may increase the impact on your husband and son.

    This is about your husband and son. Concentrate on that issue. Not your ex.

  8. #8
    melrich
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    I do plan to tell my husband but what makes it complicated is he has been physically violent in the past. I am absolutely terrified of what he would do when he finds out.
    You seriously need to get some professional assistance and advice.
    Last edited by melrich; 04-19-2006 at 07:22 PM.

  9. #9
    AwdreeHpburn
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    Go to a family counselor, all of you together. Or maybe you should remove yourself and your son from the threat of violence and seek help.

  10. #10
    Hope75
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    This gets more and more complicated the more you reveal.

    How has he been abusive? Does he harm you or the children?

    Do you feel unsafe in your home with him?

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