do you think?

Being shy is like a mystical force tugging at every fiber of your being. It has no shape, no form, but it is a force field around you that holds you back and prevents others from coming close to you. It can also take the form of whispers of your own voice, discouraging you from obtaining goals that you want to reach...or talking to that boy or girl you like...or expressing yourself fully to the ones you love...even of getting a job that you want but are afraid of failing at. Being shy has no advantages other than looking cute when you blush or when your chin touches your shoulder with coy. I wish I wasn't shy. My life would be different. But I have said enough.

By the way I loved the poem, neva b&w.

People follow for a number of reason. One is just because it is easier. Life has so many different components that it can be hectic and confusing to think over everything for yourself. People don't want to take the time to do that. Like with the politics we were talking about earlier, people don't often want to be bothered to read all the information from both sides, weigh the pros and cons, etc. So they allow themselves to be easily influenced. Sometimes the people are just too busy with other things and don't have the time. Other times they feel like they don't have the knowledge other people do, so they trust that the people they follow are doing the right thing. Other times they don't feel like they have a choice.

Shyness and wanting to fit in can also be factors. Or maybe the person just isn't good at communicating and its easier for them not to try. All depends on the individual and there experiences. Personally, I could never just follow the crowd. I need to understand and have good reason for doing something. Which is one reason I will never be in the military.

I'd say I'm shy. I don't think it comes out as much on here though. I'm shy about myself, hence why I've never posted on any of my problems. But when it comes to others being wronged or hurting, I'm not shy about speaking out for them. Shy on personal stuff. I've rarely started up conversations with people. Even online most I'll do in a chat room is say my age and location and ask if anyone wants to talk, letting them message me. Even with people I'm around daily, I don't say much or volunteer information.

I think I'm different (as I usually am) then a lot of other shy people though. For most shy people they see it as a curse. They are surrounded by extroverts who are outspoken. They get the idea that something is wrong with them and that they have to be more outgoing. But because its not natural for them, they don't know how to do it. So they are frustrated when they can't and feel like something is wrong with them. And since the outgoing people have different personalities, they don't really know how to help. So they keep doing what comes naturally to them. Which makes the shy person more discouraged, and thats why you get all these shy people down on themselves. Other shy people would understand, but because they are shy, its hard to start up a conversation or talk about that stuff even with each other.

I though, haven't often felt like I needed to be anything other then me. Instead of wanting to change my shyness, I've always enjoyed it. Well, maybe not always but for the most part. Whenever someone has told me I should be more outgoing, I've always been like "why?" I'm comfortable with who I am. I don't need to be popular, have lots of friends, be active in all kinds of thinks. I'm fine with a couple of really close friends, or staying in and doing a puzzle or playing a board game. Remember in 7th grade, my cousin tried to get me to change my image. I sat there listening to her go on and on, never having any intent of doing it because I didn't want to fit in, I just wanted to be me. Guess I'm also introverted, different then shy, but they are so closely linked that I'd say I'm both.

So I've never seen shyness as anything bad, and I guess thats allowed me to be able to speak up at times, and seem less shy. Oddly, in embracing my shyness, its made me less shy. That's what I try to tell others, though it doesn't usually work. My shyness does hold me back, I can see it. It makes relations with others harder, since I don't usually connect with them as well and lose out on networking and stuff. Most people like me, but it doesn't usually grow into something deeper, cause I hold back, they may not feel like they can be as open with me. Also not helped by the fact that my interests don't match people my age. Hard to find a 22 year old into country music, sci-fi, and philosophy debates, at least around here. Fact that I don't start conversations with new people means I might miss out on getting to know someone. All these things can lead to feelings of lonliness at times, like I'm alone. When I allow myself to dwell on it, then it can be really depressing and miserable.

For shy people its a constant battle. They want to fit in and be liked. But the way its usually done is foreign to them and can seem scary. They want to be liked for who they are. But the extroverts don't often understand how they feel and so don't know how to relate. Personality conflict, and cause the extrovert is naturally louder and outspoken, it appears that they are right, causing the shy person to be looked at differently, or at least they feel they are looked at differently.

Maybe I should work on expanding this and turn it into a book. I could be famous, make a million bucks, and be on a best seller list! Or maybe I'll sell a few copies to my family. Eh, it's a thought.

Hope that helped kiddo.

Alter ego - I really get the feeling I should know you. Err... so close. Being shy does have its advantage (this is for you too kiddo). Shy ones can sit back and go unnoticed, unsuspected. They can observe and learn. A lot of people will trust them, just because they look (and usually are) trustworthy. You'd be amazed at the things you can learn about people. Now, if you wanted you can use that information for evil. Or you can use it for good. Either way, knowledge is power.

Shy people also tend to be thinkers. They don't speak out, so they think it out. They often approach things from a different perspective. And that can help them come up with ideas and solutions others don't. They just have to find the courage to stand up and voice it. And when they do, it can have a greater impact. When someone runs there mouth all the time, people may drown him out. But if someone who doesn't speak much, stands up and firmly and logically defends something, that voice can be startling and make people pause and think, be likely to consider what they say. Just have to have the confidence in yourself to say it and not back down.

Shy people are also more sympathetic. They feel things deeper, so when a person has a problem, they are better at understanding it. When I read posts I can see who is shy and who isn't, and its not cause the shy ones are posting there problems more. Many times I see the extroverts telling people to do something cause its what they would do, even when its clear that the person asking for help is to shy or scared to do that. But the shyer introverts approach it by working with the person, trying to comfort them, and then taking little steps that the person can work on step by step and build on.

I will be out of action for some time.

Please, go on without me.

Take care.

You'll be missed Darkblue. This thread, and this site, isn't the same without you.

Kell, sorry for the long post before. Shy people also think too much, so when you ask them stuff like that, they can just rattle on about all the stuff they have been thinking of over the years. Sometimes they don't know when to shut up.

Hope you are doing well. Talk to you later.

Alter, care to join the discussion? It's on anything that your thinking of. So feel free to speak up and say what's on your mind.

Why thank you dear Shy.

I have limited access to the internet at the moment - but this thread will be on my priority list.

As until my connection is fully restored - I leave the ulmighty task of responsibility to you, shy and kell - to speak on my behalf

Take care, everyone.

Computers.... my arch nemesis. Hope the connection is restored soon.

Speaking on your behalf? Are you sure that's what you want me to do? Do you really trust me? Or have a lured you into a false sense of security?

In the meantime, I'll sit here and twiddle my thumbs, waiting for someone to talk to. Well, at least I have company to keep me entertained.

oh my god im so confused. whats the convo on now. are we carrying on where we left off? fill me in guys

*neva feels lost without you* chuckles!

Hehe, ive had three exams today, i am exhausted.. and my fella has managed to let me down NOOOOOO *chuckles* but i do think im going to be going out in a mo. so once youve filled me in i shall respond asap hehe

neva x

Why yes shy, I have been lured into your security.

Neva, that is harsh! 3 exams in one day!!

I hope they are going well.

Take care.

DB - You are in luck. I've decided that I won't do anything to you and will instead turn my attention to matters of national security. Those terriosts don't stand a chance.

Neva - Three exams in one day? Geez.... that's rough. I went through that once, and they were my three hardest exams as well. It's rediculous and rough. I say, when the exams are all done treat yourself to something special. You deserve it. Hope they went well.

All you missed was me responding to your question on being shy. Went off on a tangent and gave a quick course in what I perceive shyness to be. Otherwise, no new topics. Just me and DB trading silly jokes. Seems we've all hit a busy spot in life and the thread is on a temporary break. Worry about your exams first, we can pick up later.

Take care everyone.

oh, and if i havent said it already thanks for what you writ alter ego. you helped out.. i can see where your coming from. kind of need helping out with these topics. i almost forgot what i writ on my poem, but thankyou

neva

A twin? Interesting.

When shy people loosen up, they tend to be wilder then most. I view it as a continuum. Most people are in the middle. But a shy person goes to one extreme most of the time. Thus when they finally let loose, they swing all the way to the other, overcompensating. They don't keep the balance most have, so it can be fun and interesting, though also weird and unusual.

You are completely right about needing to do things for yourself. I find all the time that people are trying to be something they are not or living up to what they think is expected of them. It just causes people more worry and stress. But when you are just being you, not giving a second thought to what others think, you are at your happiest. If people see that, it would help solve many problems that people have on a day to day basis.

Don't worry about calling shy people a different breed, in some way we are. At times I get frustrated with non shy people thinking they know what is best for shy people, when its clear to see a shy person is going to react with something along the lines of "No way! I could never do that." The effort is appreciated, but often times people advise what they would want to hear and not what is likely to help the person.

Have you always had that relationship with your dad? I've struggled with my relationship with my father for years. Envy you for it.

Didn't make me feel like rubbish. Actually, think it was good to get all that out. Been feeling misunderstood lately, so it was nice to explain myself and know someone understands.

On the relationship, you'll get through all the hiccups. And if you need a way to cure the hiccups, cross your eyes and think about zebras. Ok, silly joke. Seriously, you can make it through. I was in that place last year, unfortunately she wasn't used to someone who went slower and didn't know how to open up. But if you work together and take your time, can work out great.

I represent myself in a different way. We all do. Just feels discouraging at times, like my way doesn't get noticed. Know what I mean?

Ok, since we've had serious talk for a while now, how about a couple of silly, fun questions? Give me time to think of a good serious topic.

What is your favorite candy?

Favorite cartoon character?

If you could live anywhere in the world, where and why?

Yeah im a twin, i was blessed with the height *smiles* i deffinitley reckon thats because i was in the growth bag longer though, darn it for being younger *smiles*

she always plays the "the respect your elders" line the cheeky minx. its amazing being a twin though, maybe its being just brothers and sister who knows, i mean i have sisters aswell but a twin is completely different for me. shes like a best friend sister, everything special rolled in one. pain in the b*** also, but thats only on rare occasions *smiles*

i know exactly what you mean about shy people over compensating. some people dont really know how to respond to them acting out like they do smoetimes. like, they almost think its false, when its not, its just so extreme to normal behaviour. you know?

I've got twins and even a set of triplets for cousins. But I live so far away from them that I never see them. So I don't know what its like, the whole twin thing. Though with my best friend we think and act so much alike it feels like we could be twins in that respect. I can see how it would be nice, having someone there who is so connected to you. But that can also get on your nerves I would think.

Putting words in bold for me? Well, being shy I don't usually like to draw attention to myself, but feel free to do that since its for a good cause. Just hope one of my embarrassing and lame jokes doesn't end up bolded now.

Everyone is there own person. Respect them for who they are. If everyone was the same, things would be so boring. It's in our differences that we learn from one another and grow. Appreciate the differences while focusing on the similarities, that we all have the same feelings inside, we all deserve love and respect, and we all hurt and feel joy.

Whats happened with yours and your dads relationship? is it something that happened recently or would you say that youve not always clicked?

I made a post on how I feel at times a few days ago. Included stuff with my father in it. So if you want the whole story, you can check it out (emotions and feelings board). He's not someone who can communicate well. Has a had time dealing with his own issues and problems, so to work with me is not something he can really do. Opposite in personalities, so we have little in common we can use to bond with (unless its football or professional wrestling, two very deep subjects ). Also turns to alcohol when he can't face something, so I worry about him a lot.

Continuing post in a few minutes. Need to sign off for a sec. In a few kiddo.

Let's see... where was I...

Lots more I could go on with my father, but it would fill up pages. Suffice to say, to repair everything would take a lot of work and years of building. Doesn't seem to be likely to happen anytime soon.

But its nice that you could just comment and feel relaxed. I have moments like that, you dont even anticipate opening up, but, because of your mood you just flow everything out.

It's easy when you have the right company and can feel comfortable speaking out. Really, people keep so much in, that at times it just has to come out, and you can't even control it. Not sure why now is one of those times for me. But hey, its a new year so maybe this year I'm just going to let it all out. In that case, everyone better buckle their safety belt.

I represent myself in a different way. We all do. Just feels discouraging at times, like my way doesn't get noticed. Know what I mean?

Quiet and understated. Fly under the radar. Not so sure what I was going for when I wrote that, but in a lot of ways I don't feel noticed at times. Thing is, I don't even really want to be recognized, don't like the attention. But once and awhile everyone needs the pat on the back. I feel like I'm always giving it to others, go out of my way for people. I do lots of little and small things that most don't think of. And people appreciate them, I can see it. But then I get blamed for something else (rather or not I did it) or have what I say twisted around, and it feels like all the good is goes unnoticed while something bad happens.

What is your favorite candy?

Anything gummi. I'm addicted. You know you are when you buy a big 5lb bag of gummi bears. Though it takes awhile to eat.

Favorite cartoon character

I'm into the classic characters. Give me Daffy Duck.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where and why

Honestly, can't say right now. Going through a period where I'm heavily considering moving. Been in the city my whole life (same city) so I'm feeling like a change, probably to a more rural area.

Whats your biggest dream in life?

Just to find someone who really loves and understands me and whom I can spend my life with. I'm not hard to please. I could dream of a big house, great or fancy job, and other things. But love means the world to me, and if this dream comes true, then I'll have gone through all the hurt I've felt, stick to who I am, and came out with what I've always wanted, showing I was on the right track all along.

Yawning.... its 2 in the morning here. I'll think of the other questions and get back to you. Hope all is well.

A big dreamer for a girl who just loves you, huh? I like that.

I think people who put no limits, no boundries or restrictions on love are the ones who really believe in it. I mean i believe ive found love but i think it always has greater potentials, always exceeding its own limits, you know?

Some people are so scared to be loved, oh my god, i think if it wasnt for me and dave clicking the way we do i doubt id be one to hold my hand up and accept that i could be loved. You know?

So many people strive for love. People almost do anything for it. People hurt for love. How is that?

For me i dont think you can ever find it (obviously you can, but in the sense that look for it, rather than letting it happen naturally, or push love or make someone love you.

It makes me wonder how badly someone can be hurt by love. I mean thats not its goal, aim, or ambition but so many people get hurt by this "love". Was it, is it real?

This was a random post, i guess i wanted to pull out a part of yours and focus on it. hope your ok shy

kell x

Love is what makes the world what it is, good and bad. I think people underestimate just what it means to people, and that leads to a rather careless treatment of it at times and a lot of hurt people.

Part of me right now is scared to love. I fear being hurt, because being hurt before literally tore me apart. A sense of emptiness and a lack of love has always been part of my life, but I risked what my heart had in it because I thought I had something. And it ended up draining all that was left. To go from dreaming of proposing to finding out she is engaged to someone else in a months time...... how do you recover from that? How do you open yourself up to the possibility of that kind of pain again?

And I worry I will hurt her. Everything I have been through, I worry that I'm not ready and will do or so something I don't mean because I have been taught to not expect someone who really loves me. I question who I am, what I am doing. And I worry I won't be able to love her like she deserves to be loved.

But I cling to love. If I didn't, I wouldn't have anything. Love, faith, hope, and understanding.... without these things we are lost.

Random post from me this time. I've got a lot on my mind, in a very philosophical state.

Aw... welcome back! No problem with not being around, I understand. The site is good, but sometimes you need to be able to work things out on your own, without a crutch to lean on. As long as you know we are here for you if you need us.

There is definitely a fine line between criticism and constuctive criticism. Some of it has to do with how the person gives it. If the person just starts saying ways to improve or is non chalant about it, then even if its meant to be helpful, it comes accross as cold and uncaring. But if they throw in some good comments as well and seem supportive and enthusiastic, then it is more helpful. It also has to do with how a person takes it. If the person is hard on themselves, they can misinterpt what you say and get upset with themselves. People can also have their own personal bias and take a simple suggestion the wrong way because of something they experienced in the past.

So ya, there is a fine line. That's where a lot of fights and disagreements come from. Or people can even take criticism that was designed to be rude, and make it constructive. Ultimately, we decide what to do with it.