do you think?

[neva_black_n_white]

i have only just realised there was another page!! You guys continued with out me, i feel so alone lol!

 

Thanks shysoul. Thats a nice impression, not many people grab hold of it, sometimes i get reffered to as a "closed book" - i dont really let many people in. well, not until i think they can hack all of me (if that makes sense).

But its not that i really hold back, if i did then id have NOBODY lol, i just keep a few things behind closed doors. Im not a recluse, i practically love everyone, kind and thoughtful of course, those who dont just abuse *smiles* but even then, they have their reasons. Infact to be fair, i dont really get much abuse. I guess im fortunate, smiles**

 

 

I like the quote dark blue!!

 

ok, lets think now. impressions of shysoul:

 

to be fair kiddo, i dont see you as being that shy, if i was to span of from your name, maybe your just good with words when you get on here. your a real special soul as ive called you before. Your understanding, you listen, have your own opinions. You seem very genuine and honestly want to help others at any oppotunity. I guess with you, it seems more than advice, you know? I dont think ive described that very well, come back to me if you dont get that I just think your a cool character. From what i know.

 

and as for what people think of me: i guess i can be referred to as quite zany, a bit wild, not really fussed of others impressions unless they crack down on a few things. I be who i want to be, dress how i want to, and talk to all kinds of people, the girls think its funny how i can talk to just about anyone, providing i understand the language *blushes*

 

some people who know me a little better know that im very analytical, sensitive when it comes to family or a few other individuals hehe. which most are.

 

Oh a real family girl, thats one, a big one, im so darn proud.

 

Anywho, i got off the track there!!

 

hey to you two by the way, aww, how cute, a little convo

 

neva

[darkblue]

We did ramble a little last night without you.

I agree with your impressions of shysoul. He does give more than advice. It's personal with Shy.

 

Family girl. Hmm. That's a good thing.

Not caring what other people think is one of the most beneficial attitudes you can ever develop.

Such a freedom.

[neva_black_n_white]

I didnt realise youd responded sorry.

 

Who knows what love is, half the time people seem to think they have experienced it, the relationship ends, they move on and the next time feels so "right"

 

People over use the word.

 

I have a boyfriend, ive been with him for two years now. I can honestly say that because of issues that have happened - these have matured us, possibly into a relationship beyond our age. I think without some of the things that have cropped up i wouldnt neccessarily feel the way i do or believe i "love" him. I mean my honest plan two years back was to have a laugh, not that thats not what im having now, its part of what im experiencing but you guys know what i mean, but not the meaning of bed hopping ive never been that type of girl.

 

wow, neva is seriously digging a hole!!

 

I dont think im able to describe what i feel love is. I guess i could put a few pointers down of what i feel it is or is not

 

> i feel that love is something that continues to grow

 

> i believe that loving someone includes everything, not just a few

characteristic that first appealed to you, but everything about them (including that which others would see as downfalls)

 

> i believe its an emotion thats not a "half timer" you dont just give up. I know that when me and dave (my boyfriend) have been through a few "rough" patches i never believe i love him less, or when we have a little

"debate" as i call them i dont ever think i feel less for him, its just an issue

 

> its being able to talk about anything. Sometimes though, i am aware it takes time to bring things up, with this includes the understanding that your partner is able to keep things to himself or herself

 

>trust/honesty

 

> for me, my boyfriend is also a best friend, thats important

 

> time together and time apart

 

i could really go on, this seems so harsh but i am working at the same time, so hopefully, kiddo you can give me your opinion and then i can get back to you with more. or opinions of opinions on my opinions

 

sorry if i seem ignorant, or harsh but it has to be done.

 

neva

[neva_black_n_white]

indeed darkblue, i believe i have analysed part of him quite well, well have to see his impression when he joins us later.

 

And no worries, im only jealous *jokes*, i couldnt help being busy last night anyway, besides we might be in different time zones, who knows? (my geography is really bad)

 

Yeah im a family girl, they mean alot to me. Not that they necessarily dont for alot of others, but you know what i mean.

 

And thanks, anyway, back to work!!!

I tried responding to your questions though

 

neva

[darkblue]

I believe in everything you just said. Troubled times are what bring people together - or push them apart.

 

After the initial stage of lust, excitement and fun - the true test of compatibility and 'love' comes into play.

 

I have but one definition of love:

Unconditional.

[neva_black_n_white]

Yeah i agree with that, i guess i was trying to go with that kind of effect but more of an explanation included. I dont think it could ever be fair for a person to say that its conditional. I mean, how can it be?

 

To be fair though, if you experience love i dont really think the initial stage goes, i just think that happens with people who either feel theyre not compatable, no longer want to be in the relationship or any other reason. I dont think that because weve been together for two years that weve lost the excitement and fun, i just wouldnt refer to what we have as lust. You know?

[darkblue]

Oh definitely. The initial stages I was referring to was that lust, that I call 'the honeymoon phase'. After that is gone - there is still excitement, but things settle down.

 

Believe me - people can say they are in love, and it can be rather 'conditional'.

What I mean by 'unconditional' is that they will love you - through thick and thin, no matter what.

[neva_black_n_white]

smiles* i knew exactly what you meant by that. What i meant was, i find it hard to believe that people could genuinely feel they love someone if it was conditional. Does that make sense?

 

I knew what you meant though, i know of people who pick at things in the relationship and have "hold backs" etc. It frustrates me how people see it as love, but maybe were the ones who have got it wrong.

 

I just had a friend who wasnt very nice to the "fellas" in her life, she used them to feel love and then went around with other people. I dont know her reasons, so, lets not judge, huh? I remember her saying she liked the attention and power she had over the situation and what she gained from them, not any form of equalness. Anyway, shes hard to describe, so i wont really continue on that line. I just never understoud her.

 

 

 

I got a little bit of track there, sorry.

[darkblue]

We have no track, deary - don't worry about it

 

Yeah, I get what you mean about the using. It's not fair on the people involved.

Normally, people do it for the ego boost, at the expense of other people's feelings.

[neva_black_n_white]

Yeah an ego boost is deffinitley what she used it for. She just confused me so much. She used to say how shed never experienced love and that she felt left behind. I didnt really understand that at all, i mean i didnt go out, pick a guy and think "ill experience love" so how can you be left behind? its something that happens, its not planned or outlined, theres no set rules, and to some degree everyone experiences love so differently. How can you honestly be left behind?

 

And then when someone genuinely feels as though they can use the big old "love" on her, she plays it off like some toy. How does that work. I mean, im getting a bit heated over it, and its probably a small issue, but it seems so hpocritical.

 

Im not saying that one person can be understoud more for doing that than another, but for me, i would have thought shed understand the entirity of the word, not take it for granted.

 

how annoying.

 

I have to go now, im going to a party later and im meeting a friend now. But i shall respond soon.

 

anywho, thats my rant, feel free to rebel or comment on my opinion

 

im glad theres no tracks, i dont usually stick to them anyway!

 

neva

[darkblue]

She didn't really experience love. She experienced experience...

That's all it was - random encounters with men. I doubt she ever felt a strong bond to any of them.

 

Enjoy your party.

Have a good time.

[ShySoul]

Time to catchup on the chat.

 

to be fair kiddo, i dont see you as being that shy, if i was to span of from your name, maybe your just good with words when you get on here. your a real special soul as ive called you before. Your understanding, you listen, have your own opinions. You seem very genuine and honestly want to help others at any oppotunity. I guess with you, it seems more than advice, you know

 

 

Not shy? Hmm... Probably cause I've spent years struggling with how to speak out for myself. And because I really do look at it as more then advice. I've been through a lot, and I don't really like to share it or make it about myself. That's the shyness part, not wanting attention to be on me. But I want to help others, use what I've been through to help others and have them avoid mistakes I've made. I tend to empathise with people, hurt when I see them hurting. So I want to do anything I can to help. It's not just about advice, its about being there for a person in need.

 

Zany and does her own thing, my kind of girl. Family is good to, though they can drive you crazy at times.

 

I agree with the impressions on love. DB, unconditional sums it up pretty well. You don't place boundaries on when or how you love someone. You love them for them, not for what they do. Kell, think what you said about being best friends is key to. I've always said that I'll have two true friends whom I can trust with anything, everyone else I feel I have to hold back on. One is my best friend whom I relate to insanely well. The other is going to be the person I end up with in love. It's why I say so often that you should be friends first before starting something more, because that friendship is the core of the relationship, what is going to make it last beyond the initial excitement.

 

My contribution: understanding. It's what I've been searching for my whole life, someone who truly understands be and can tell what I'm thinking without me saying a word sometimes. It's the sense that the person gets you in a way that others can't. Being that close is a sign of love.

 

That excitement doesn't fade away, it is still there. It's just deeper and based off of less superficial things. I think in a relationship each new day can feel like the first, those butterflies can stay with you.

 

I'm also dismayed at the way most people seem to treat love. Maybe cause I tend to feel things deeper then others, maybe cause I've seen lots of horrible relationships. But I see love and relationships as something special. Real love is rare. And when you have it, you have to grab onto it and go with it. Not let it be a game of power and control. I think thats why so many relationships fail, because people are so concerned with what they get out of it and how to control it, that they forget to just go with the feelings involved. They lose the ability to see the magic love brings. Not to say its always sunshine and love, there will be problems and you have to be reasonable. But people create problems they don't need to. Out of fear, out of insecurities, out of whatever, I don't know. But love shouldn't be as hard as people make it.

[neva_black_n_white]

Hey again kiddos!! sorry ive been away SO long *jokes* what can i say, out and about. *smiles*

 

Nice to hear from your though.

 

DB i know what you mean there, how can she honestly say that shes gained too much from it? I dont see the fascination in using people though, i think its the intent that got me, not that it should be allowed either way. Well you never can understand some people can you?

 

Hows life going for you anywho? swell i hope! *has a huge grin*

 

 

shy, heya mr, you going ok too?

That was an immense post you got yourself. Smiles, the effort *chuckles*

 

I know what you mean about shy now, i dont know whether youd like me to call you a "closed book" its what i get called often. I dont usually splurge out "raw" information on me, if that makes sense? I guess i let myself go with some people, but sometimes i just dont see why people need to know. I dont do centre of attention when it comes to "oh poor me" because in all honesty, everyone gets their fair share and im not bad off, i just happen to analyse things so it gets a few degrees worse.

 

Although i am quite a loud and jolly bean. That comes with a bit of a crowd, but theyre just my girlies. Crazy as me.

 

Anyway, im rambling about me, sorry *blushes*

 

I do hear what your saying though, you keep yourself to yourself to a degree.

 

I have friends like yours, that just click immensley, Its weird how you can be so similar to some people, but theyre great. I still agree with the "you should be best friends" its a deffinite must for me. I think with friendship there comes a whole lot of understand additional to that of a relationship.

 

My relationship didnt really span of from friendship completely though, it was a rocky start but pulled together. So i guess i have to semi disagree with needing to be friends first because i think we acquired it along the way. I can talk with him about anything and everything. Or sometimes we dont need to talk at all. For me that was a huge step, im a girl who believes silence is a bad things, so knowing each other without having to speak or just relaxing was something new to me when it first hit me you know?

 

Im used to being "out there" in a relationship, not that i lack it now, but ive never had the side that i experience at the minute.

 

 

Understanding, a deffinite must. (im sorry but i have to run) i shall be expanding on understanding because thats where my issues lie . chuckles*)

 

see you soon guys, neva x

[ShySoul]

Welcome back after your long break neva. You've been missed. Good to see you are out and about with a life. Need to upgrade mines, its a new year and I'm still using the old model.

 

I'm doing ok. Been keeping busy, out and about myself.

 

I think I'm an odd combination. On one hand I am a closed book, keeping to myself. On the other a think I'm an open book who people should be able to read easily. Makes life interesting. Still trying to find the balance between opening up and holding things in.

 

Speaking without saying a word. That's a very powerful experience when you find it. Usually we are told to be active and outgoing, so the thought of silence can seem weird to people. But in silence you can often hear things you normally wouldn't hear, and can discover things about yourself and others. Think being shy taught me that at an early age. Or maybe I have a knack for espionage.

 

Ever heard the song "when you say nothing at all?" Perfectly describes that feeling of connecting with someone without have to say a word.

 

 

 

Friendship first doesn't have to be how it goes, but it makes it easier if you ask me. And I just find that I'm not usually attracted to people I don't know well, so I kind of need to be friends first. But if it worked for you otherwise, thats all good. Have fun with and enjoy the relationship you have.

 

Looking forward to more of your thoughts. Take care.

[darkblue]

Friendship first doesn't have to be how it goes, but it makes it easier if you ask me. And I just find that I'm not usually attracted to people I don't know well, so I kind of need to be friends first. But if it worked for you otherwise, thats all good

 

I'm sick of egotistical men, basing feelings on nothing but physical attraction.

It's pathetic and unfair.

Of course, women could do the same - but I have experience of it from the man being the aloof, indifferent and sexually initiative side.

 

I'm also sick of hearing people complain that their relationships went wrong because they 'thought they knew their partners'; but really didn't.

All good relationships should be based on trust.

There's a quote, I can't be bothered making accuate, but it's to the effect of:

A relationship without friendship is like a mansion built upon sand.

 

Your partner is meant to be your best friend. How can you have that based on shallow perceivings of them?

You can't.

 

There is nothing wrong with going out on dates, etc and picking people who you find initially attractive. It will probably make it more likely to succeed, if their personality and character are right for you.

 

I'd hate to make compatibility sound as cut and dry as that - but that is the basics... In my opinion.

 

Rant, over.

[ShySoul]

Rant away darkblue, rant away. This thread has become about rants, and interestingly I'd say it is one of the more intelligent threads going right now. You can really say a lot when you aren't talking about anything in particular.

 

I'm sick of men (and women) who base things off of physical attraction. I've even heard guys say things like "lose 5 pounds and you'd look great." Geez, isn't that a nice thing to say. Like 5 pounds makes so much difference and they are even going to notice. Try looking at who the person really is inside.

 

What people mess up on is that they take experiences where they talk to someone based on initial and it does lead to more, and they assume that it was the physical attraction or approaching her that made the difference. What they fail to realize is that they got lucky and met someone similar to them. It was the friendship aspect that lead to more and allowed anything at all to happen.

 

Its the connection personality wise that leads to lasting relationship and is what people should focus on.

[darkblue]

Its the connection personality wise that leads to lasting relationship and is what people should focus on.

I agree.

What they fail to realize is that they got lucky and met someone similar to them.

Although, opposites can work. (we've had this discussion, before)

One of my very good friends is the complete and polar opposite to me - yet we have been friends for a hell of a long time.

We can't even agree on what to eat when we go for a meal - yet I wouldn't trade her for the world.

 

It can work. It's probably more difficult and prone to more erruptions of debate - but it can work.

[darkblue]

I was reading through some old topics, and found THIS:

we have someone who knows psychology here!! i like it, could well be a freudian slip but we all know what he was on when he was writing his stages of development!

 

 

It was in reply to Napoleon saying something about a Freudrian slip.

Neva - how could you say that?!

 

*taps foot* Explain.

(Before you go on a rant about him taking Cocaine - I know, and have a defense)

[ShySoul]

Oh no neva. Darkblue's giving you a challenge. Are you going to just let it sit, or are you going to take him on? Make it a clean fight, no hitting below the belt. Come out swinging at the sound of the bell.

 

DB, you wouldn't trade your friend for anything in the world, but what would you think of her as more then a friend? I think its not that opposites attract, its that similarities attract and it works when the differences complement each other.

[darkblue]

She would be perfect for me. She is everything I look for in a woman.

Circumstances outwith our control dictate a mutual agreement of friendship, however. (how general was that!)

[ShySoul]

Very general. You are good at evasive, not commital and non informative answers.

 

And I know the feeling, someone who is just right for you but whom you can't be with. Frustrating, isn't it?

[darkblue]

Very general. You are good at evasive, not commital and non informative answers.

Hence why I like politics...

 

That situation could be very frustrating.

[ShySoul]

Sigh... politics. Can't stand it myself. All talk and no action. If you say nothing when you speak, why speak at all?

[darkblue]

You wouldn't be where you are without politics.

Don't generalize all political actions based on the corrupt and philandering few.

[ShySoul]

Not generalizing, there are some honest politicians out there. I'm just more the power behind the throne. Politicians are the voices who have their faces out there, but its the little man that they serve and who makes things happen. If the politicians weren't voted in by the people (at least here in the US) they wouldn't be able to affect anything at all.