Oh my god my father is cheating on my mother??

You GOTTTAAA BEEEE KIDDINGGG MEEEE! My father gave me his old cell phone and i have been using it for the past 2 months now... out of the BLUE before my father and mother are leaving to go on vacation i get a txt. msg from a FAMILY FRIEND!!!!! NO i didnt misinterpret it!! it said "i can't take it that ur no lnger spking to me" "didnt i mean anything 2u?" "i nd 2 see u agn" At first i was about to call back and scream.. or drive to her and punch her in the face. How dare she???? SHE WAS EATING DINNER AT MY PARENTS HOUSE NOT MORE THAN 2 MONTHS AGO? I txtd her back and pretended i was my Dad. i said "well how long has it been now since we've been 2gther anyway 4u 2b so upset?" the *** responded "oh God, im srprsed u responded" "we hvnt spoke 4 months" "u alwys ignore me and it hrts to much" "i dont want people 2 suspect, its scandalous" (yes.. she used the words scandalous.. )

I didnt txt back and i cried and cried.

Guys.. my mom and my dad.. are like.. the happiest couple everyone's ever saw. he always takes her on dates.. buys her things.. hell i HEAR THEM HAVING SEX ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they just left to go on a 2 week VACATION together CELEBRATING THEYRE 25TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!!

i want to drive to this womans house NOW and BEAT THE EVER LIVING SNOT OUT OF HER!!!! SHE COMES TO THE FAMILY PARTIES.. SHE PLAYS WITH MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!! SHE SITS AT THE SAME TABLE WITH MY OWN MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO KILL MY FATHER OR HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Theres NO NO NO NO NO NO way i can tell my mother!!! i CANT!!! Oh My GOD it would kill her!!!!!!! how can i hold this in for 2 weeks till he gets back??? It's already 10:15 now ET in ny.. i know where this woman works.. i swear im going to meet her at her job and confront her... oh WAIT.. she WORKS WITH MY FRKN DAD!!!!!

fine.. ill just wait for her at her house.

can someone please calm me down before i get arrested

ok... calm down... sit on this one for a while. there are lots of lives that will be seriously affected by all of this.... be patient. i'm sorry for your pain.

listen, as difficult as it is going to be, you need to relax. i know this sounds terrible & looks like a sex scandel..is there any way you can find out for sure what this is about? i understand your discust, sadness, & confusion....but you need to be 1000% sure before confronting anything...find out enough information so youre 1000000% without a doubt sure it was him cheating on your mom before you make a complete *** out of yourself. it could have been a scandel, but not necessarily sex....do you think they did something illegal together? fraud or something? find out alllll you need to know & then confront your father.

oh, & remind yourself of your signature: "The law of karma: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first."

be careful in your actions. dont do anything that can land you in jail or worse.

i had a friend who had 'the perfect family...' meanwhile the husband & wife were cheating on eachother & the mom abandoned them all & her father was heavily into drugs...its crazy how things appear on the surface....

-DG724

Calm down...you don't really know if anything WAS going on or not, or she just developed a crush and your father did not return it and told her to leave him alone. She may be obsessive as nothing ever came out of it other than a "leave me the heck alone". Nothing may have happened on his part. I have had people do similar things to me in the past when I wanted nothing to do with them!

I think you need to talk to your father about the texts and watch his body language when he replies to see if the words match the actions.

Itry, one thought I had was to pretend to be your father and break up with her through text message, saying something like "I love my wife and I don't want us to have any more communication that is not appropriate".

Now, if you go there, ask her about it to make sure what happened first. Then tell her to leave your Dad alone so she won't destroy your family. Tell her what she is doing is wrong and that she should keep away from your family altogether.

She willl tell your Dad, but your Dad will understand why you did this and will not want the secret to spillover. Do not tell your Mom if this woman leaves your Dad alone.

Thank God you found out. You might be the reason this marriage is saved.

Let me retract: thinking more, this woman hasn't seen him for 4 months. Your father is taking your mother on vacation, not her. So maybe he did not let things advance.

Still, she is texting him.

Now she thinks he responded, which he didn't.

Why don't you text her back and admit it was you and say she should not pursue your father any longer? You can do this politely and without confronting her.

....i re-read my first post. i sounded a little.. umm... yeah...

after some coffee... and a cigarette.. i havent smoked in over 6 years.... and i after i finished the cigaerette i rememebered why i stopped in the first place....

i know this woman.. my family has known her for almost.. i would say a good 15 yrs now.. she's divorced. im trying to think of all the innocent situations that the txt meant...

ive heard of emotional cheating... regardless what happened btwn my father and this woman.. i felt like he did something wrong. if my father was innocent in his actions.. this idiot wouldnt be txting him all these things.

im not going to tell my mother. i cant.. have u ever had an angel come down from heaven and just did nothing but good..? thats my mother. she doesnt deserve ever to be hurt. im not just saying that because she's my mother.. im saying that because its true. and now i have to hold my breath for two weeks...

funny how things come out.. and funny the timing. im sitting here crying.

before i confront anyone.. ill start with my dad when they get back...

thx guys...

sorry for sounding nutty..... caffiene helps...

itry,

your actions were understandable. my mom is the same...all she does is work hard & help people. there is a thing called emotional cheating. there are a few posts about it on the forum. i just fear that you will have this burden resting on your shoulders. like a guilt of not telling your mom down the line... i hope that ends up not beng the case. you have heart & care about your family, i have a feeling youll do the right thing.

goodluck with everything.

-DG724

Unfortunately you've been put into a very difficult position.

It's likely best that you find a way to deal with your anger and resentment without worsening the situation.

If you need to get involved, you can choose either to confront this woman, or to confront your father.

For all you know, your father may have already told your mother about this situation, and they (for obvious reasons) decided to keep it quiet.

I knew my father was cheating on my step mom for 6 years.. there really is nothing you can do. married or not, your father is a grown adult and is taking a risk, but trust me when i tell you this, no matter what you say or do, its not going to change. as for you saying that your parents are the happiest couple, preception is everything, and NOTHING is as it seems. if he was as happy as you say, he would not even look at another woman. mabe this family friend is younger? older men hit their mid-life crisis and enjoy the company of younger blood. I have even walked in on my dad and his g/f if my parent's house!!! no matter what i say or did, it changed nothing.

from how it sounds, he has ended this little escapade. But if she is still presistant, pay her a visit.. lol

Good Luck and dont hurt your mother.

i dont know about any of you or how you handle things. but i would tell my mom or anyone i know of that their man/GF is cheating on them. if it was someone i loved id def say something. telling them whats going on isnt hurting them, its helping them. ignorance is bliss yes, but being betrayed by someone you trust needs to be known. its not right no matter who it is & whatever reasons they have for doing it. id say something...

-DG724

hey... i'll tell everyone something that i never actually shared with anyone before.. and im telling u this becoz i know how exactly itry feels... bss the opposite thing happened with me.. its not my dad whos cheating, its my mum!! my dad is just the perfect, father, husbend everything!! lol i hear them having sex too but i always hear her talking on the phone with someone else... the first time i heard her talking was abt 2 or 3 years back.. ya i know, some off u will go like.. OMG 2 OR 3 YEARS!!.. but ya this is how it is... the first time i heard, i just couldnt believe it... my parens r like the best 2 couples that i've ever seen.. she was actually flirting with the other guy on the phone, i picked up the other phone and i heard them talking abt things that i dont even wanna try to remember it... i felt soo bad, i cried and cried aloooot, i wanted to tell my dad but i just couldnt break his heart... he loves her sooo much... and i kept all this inside my heart...until this day she talks to the same guy and i just cant do anything abt it.. i dont wanna ruin my dads life hurts me a lot.. but i cant do anything abt it...THATS WHY I SAID I KNOW HOW itry FEELS!... dont ruin their life, dont tell ur mum is she loves him so much, trust me that will break her heart!! lol i smoke too.. becoz of that.. im only 16 and i smoke a lot!!... thats the first time that i ever actually told my story to anyone..

Calm down...you don't really know if anything WAS going on or not, or she just developed a crush and your father did not return it and told her to leave him alone. She may be obsessive as nothing ever came out of it other than a "leave me the heck alone". Nothing may have happened on his part. I have had people do similar things to me in the past when I wanted nothing to do with them!

 

I think you need to talk to your father about the texts and watch his body language when he replies to see if the words match the actions.

I agree with this. If he had been having an affair it would be very careless of him to give you the cell phone and there is no direct evidence that he had an actual affair. It could well be she pursued him and he would not respond. The 'scandalous' remark could mean that she knew if would be a scandal for her to try to attract him.

When you talk to him, don't be accusatory. Just act puzzled and say you got a weird message from this friend and wondered if she had the wrong number.

Could it be the wrong person, because you say that he saw her 2 mos ago and she says that she hasn't talked to him in 4 mos, so that is a pretty big inconsistency...ya know??

If they work together, then he would have told her about the new number, I would think....

Could it be that the lady is playing a trick on you??

She could be the very reason why he got a new number too if you think about it....

I don't think that your dad is cheating if what you say about him is true, I really think it is a big misunderstanding...if that is the case, and you don't want to ruin his trip, then try talking with her.

Not to confront her in anger, but say knock it off, this is ME, not my dad!!

if it does come down to him cheating on your mom i would say something. this is not something you ignore. i know id say something if i caught my dad cheating on my mom.

-DG724

even if it was true and he's cheating on her mum... why would she tell her mum or even talk to the women... if her dad really wants to be with the other women then if she talked to the women or her dad, she'll be just wasting her time becoz he wont listen to his daughter and he wont becoz he didnt care abt his wifes feeling(if he really cheated on her)... so if u decided to talk to the women or ur dad, then put in mind, that if they really want to be together, then they wont listen to u and u'll be ruining ur parents life... just msg the women again, and see what her reply will be... just dont do anything crazy... IT HURTED ME A LOT WHEN I FOUND OUT ABT MUM MUM BUT I DIDNT EVEN TRY TO TELL MY DAD, COZ THIS WILL BREAK HIS HEART...

if the dad didnt care what the daughter had to say then im sorry id have to say 'hes gets the #1 dad of the year" award....

family is supposed to find compassion in situations & communicate their emotions...what kind of father would blow off his daughter when she talks to him about something like this?

and as for the mom, i dont know how you guys could live with yourselves withholding this kind of information from your mother. im just speaking from my own opinion of course but, my mom is heavensent i would do anything & everything to keep her happy & id be on her side no matter what. if he cheated on her once he has great potential to do it again. and i wouldnt want my mom to be with a cheater. she deserves only the best of the best.

-DG724

i talked to my mom over the phone, she called to say they got to their spot alright. my mom knows im having relationship troubles so i kind of asked her a hypothetical....and then spun it.

i asked her if my papa were to ever cheat on her would she want to know? "she said it depended on the situation....." my mom confuses me at times....

brie background...

parents married 25yrs... both make very good money.. and combined, its even better... both are from very very old traditional backgrounds... my mom..very independent..smart... i think she's gorgeous... but she has a slight physical defect on her face that is strange to everyone else but my family....i see past it... my dad... ick... playboy of the year, handsome, charming... and i dunno... dependent on my mom. sometimes he acts like HE'S the woman of the house..whining...begging (playfully) for mama's attention....

i will wait for my dad to get home...then just show him the txt msgs and ask him what they mean...

its funny the things u learn... i never noticed it before.. but NOW i DO notice that when the woman comes to the family parties, my dad will either go upstairs, go outside or leave with the other men to do something else...... it wasnt like that before.

i remember even something that once when my daughter was playing with her...my DAD called my daughter away and asked if my daughter wanted to help him in the shed with something. i found it odd at first but thought nothing of it till now....

.....so many possible situations........ ill just wait

i think its pretty obbvious right now... he was going out with this women and cheating on ur mum, but not anymore.... so, just show his the msgs and ask him what r they abt....

i dont know about any of you or how you handle things. but i would tell my mom or anyone i know of that their man/GF is cheating on them. if it was someone i loved id def say something. telling them whats going on isnt hurting them, its helping them. ignorance is bliss yes, but being betrayed by someone you trust needs to be known. its not right no matter who it is & whatever reasons they have for doing it. id say something...

It's not your place to reveal the cheating -- all you are doing is clearing your own conscience, which is a selfish act.

Yes, you can confront the cheater, and yes, you can threaten to expose them, but it is up to the cheater to confess -- and even then it is likely not a good idea unless there is no other choice (i.e. exposure is inevitable).

Nobody wants to find out that their partner was unfaithful... it only leads to uncertainty and doubt. If the cheating is a persistent problem, then maybe she needs to be aware of it, but if it has stopped, it is best left in the past.

i think its pretty obbvious right now... he was going out with this women and cheating on ur mum, but not anymore.... so, just show his the msgs and ask him what r they abt....

Not sure I agree with this - it could be that he was avoiding her because she was pursuing him. Be very careful how you handle this. You only have a small part of one side of the story. At the moment you only have evidence that she was messaging him and pursuing him - not that he had an affair. If you handle this wrongly you coould, albeit with the best of intentions, cause a huge family rift over something of which he is innocent.

yo the only way any of this is going to be settled is to ASK! find out whats up for real. go up to your dad & ask him to explain the messeges. then deal with it accordingly. no sense doing all this excess wondering when you can get your answers you need in a matter of minutes.

-DG724

Do not create a problem by reaching conclusions about your dad when nothing was really going on. Instead you need to be part of a solution.

It kind of sounds like the woman is getting the cold shoulder from him, but she is too mesmerized to figure it out.

Yuck - I feel for you. It actually sounds like your Dad was already doing a pretty good job of cutting off ties with her. I'm afraid, however, that your text message may have heightened this woman's interest. It might have given her hope that there could be a potential relationship there. I think it might be best to let this woman know that "your Dad's text" was actually from you. This will most likely make her feel guilty for pursuing this further and put an end to her texts. Also, consider this - she didn't have your Father's current contact information. This may have played into his decision to change his number too. He was obviously trying to cut off ties with her.

And if it makes you feel better, ask your Dad about this. It will be an uncomfortable conversation, but it might help you put this to rest. Just don't let it eat away at you.

One helpful web site I have found that let's you both tell your story and probes you to think of additional things is link removed

Also, there are some books out there by Emily Brown and Frank Pittman. Also, askpeggy has some good suggestions. Most of this stuff overlooks our experiences with a parent's infidelity, but it's a good start.