AnitaBlake Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 So- theres a friend of mine who Ive known for three years, Im 18, hes 20, we met in high school and when we talk its all day, every day. Everyone we meet thinks we're perfect for each other, and hes asked me out a few times over the course of our friendship, but I wasnt ready for that and I didnt want to lead him on, so I made sure to keep it honest and simple. So three years later he starts dating an acquaintance of mine, and about a month into it I realize; Im graduating and Im ready for that kind of relationship. So I tell him how I feel. While he told me he wasnt breaking up with her, (who I might add, screwed him after 3 weeks. hes 1 of 4 guys. Shes 18.) if they ever were to break up thered be no one else out there for him, (and a maybe in the future we could be together but- line) and continued to talk about how weve never been "just friends" for the next two hours before we had to go to bed. The next day we fought over the fact that I wont play #2 when he obviously likes me, and I dont deserve to be a back-up plan. The fight ended with a resolution of we're just friends, and shes my gf. I purposefully ignore him the next day, and the next morning, he tells the gf. Great. So after a week or so of barely talking- gf goes on vacation for a month. I text him like usual (although I am always making the first move) and things are normal, with him dropping some hints and using the 'best friend' thing a lot. But he never stalls the conversations- we actually have GREAT conversation. I stop about two days before she comes back. Gf comes back from vaca, I try to text him about day two after shes back- barely any reply. I finally just get mad, because he calls himself my 'best friend' but ignores me, and havent really talked to him since. I know these two and I highly doubt theyre compatible. Weve gone through stages of not talking after I had written him off and hes come back twice before. So my question is- any ideas what the future may hold? Link to comment
lizzie2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 You need to take a step back before you completely ruin your friendship with this guy. For three years he has been there and you weren't interested until he started seeing this girl. You said he has approached you before seeing this girl and you rejected him. This might be a case of wanting what you can't have. Its hard to know the difference between that and genuine feelings. You can't expect him to just drop everything because you have finally discovered you have feelings for him. Its not fair. What would be even worse is if he broke up with the girl for you and then u didn't want him, you just don't want him to have anyone else. To answer your question, if you keep on the path you are on your future holds one less friend Link to comment
AnitaBlake Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 I've seen him date at least three other chicks. Serious relationships. It's not about that. I'm graduating, and it was like taking that next big step made me think of who I'm never gonna see again and who I wanna keep in my life, and he was at the top of the list. When we met he was dating a girl and that relationship was on/off for four years and he was really invested in that relationship. We got into a couple big fights over her, because she hated me and I was ignored for the better part of four months. But both times, he came back afterwards. I don't date people unless I REALLY want them. I'm literally incapable. I've TALKED to numerous guys over the course of the past three years, they've all been interested and I've turned them all down. I can figure out what I want and don't want very easily. I've rejected him in the past because I truly did not want to lead him on while he was still doing the back and forth thing with his ex. She did that to him, I wouldn't. We actually did date once, but spent all our time talking about her drama, so I ended it until he could be done with that. He never was. Well, we had another big fight on down the road, and I once again became ignored for a good several months, despite my tries to bridge the gap. I have always cared, but he's always acted like a little submissive, girl, over things, I was not attracted to him. It'd be unfair to date him just cause he wanted to date me, and dump him later with the prior knowledge that I was never into it to begin with. This situation, is SO not about me wanting him cause he has another girl. I could really care less about the other girl- I care about the fact that we're supposed to be best friends and he tried to lead ME ON, and that he'll be all flirty-flirty, "best friend" when she isn't around.... but I'm not worthy of the time of day now that she's back. But he still claims to be my "Best Friend", and likes to compare himself to my ex's as a step up, and etc. I haven't yelled at him for any of this- every time we actually talk, it's happy-go-lucky, because I won't start a fight unless I feel it's necessary to hash things out. Link to comment
lizzie2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 OK so its not about this girl. You say he led you on when his girlfriend was away but he became distant when she got back. First tip, you're young and there will be other guys. When you make your transition from school and go wherever life takes you there will be tons of new people ... and some of these guys will be better. Right now your perspective is affected by this big change coming up and the truth is that you have no idea what the future holds. At first I thought that you were the one rejecting his advances because you weren't into him but now it sounds like he is emotionally unavailable and is still keeping you around even though he has nothing to offer you. Words are cheap. If I say you're my best friend now that does not make you my best friend. You really need to objectively assess this relationship. I've always found that the only way a guy and I can be friends is if our relationship is platonic ... which either means we are not attracted to each other or for one reason or another we are BOTH not interested in pursuing a relationship. Your "friendship"with this guy sounds like a roller coaster of emotions ... not atypical of your age group. If one of you wants more [in this case you] then there will always be problems. He's told you pointedly that he is not breaking up with this girl for you ... believe that and decide if you can live with that. Don't do yourself the disservice of waiting around for his relationship to collapse. There are plenty of guys out there. Start focusing on other guys. Go out with other guys and have fun ... eventually you will meet a guy better suited for you and he will be all yours Link to comment
lizzie2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 p.s. at my age I've already done the "I've never felt like this before" thing and "This guy is the one for me" so when I say that there will be others I know what I am talking about Link to comment
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