tynabluez09

Thank you to everyone that replied, I appreciate it. I just want to clarify some things... I dont plan on telling him I like him... I am well aware that my feelings arent relevant and dont need to be mentioned. I metioned it, because I wanted to emphasize my eagerness to help him. I have had crushes on plenty of my best guy friends in my teen years, I know how to keep my mouth shut I just cant bare to see him get hurt, over and over and over again. I also dont have a problem with age difference in relationships. Its just 17 and 27 isnt that great and its illegal. My first boyfriend was 23 when i was 18, so I understand. Its just, this seems like too big of a gap thats all.

Okay, this is defineltly something that has been bugging me for a bit. Theres this guy who is a good friend of mine. And, im staring to like him... but he has a girlfriend. This isnt one of the "should I tell him how I feel" type of problem.The thing is, he's relationship is BAD! First of, hes 22 shes 32. Now, I have dated older guys before, but this situation is morally wrong and gross!I say that only because she started dating him when he was 17 and she was 27. That just strikes me as not good because, its not healthy...why is a grown woman start a relationship with such a younger man... especially when it was ILLEGAL at the time. Well, they've been together now for 4-5 yrs and shes getting to the point were she wants to settle down and get married. He said, he loves her and plans on marrying her... just in a few years. Well, thats not good enough for her, and their getting married next summer... this shocked me when he told me this a few weeks ago... but as were getting to be closer friends, hes coming to me for advice and I'm not sure how to help. I've never been in a relationship longer then 6 mths and I've never been in love or sexually active with people I've dated. So, this makes me feel unfit to comment. Her behavior is atrocious, she acts like shes 13 yrs old. She overprotective... for instance, recently he asks a friend of ours to borrow her phone to call her to say goodnite cuz his cell died. Since he kept the call short and told her he had to give my female friend her phone back, she said, fine, give that (female dog) back her phone and hung up! She never met her before and had no reason to use such crude language. She makes him check in with her before he does anything... hes missed two birthday parties because she didnt want him to go in a month and couldnt even walk with me to quiznos because she was coming to pick him up and she would be mad cuz she doesnt like things sprung on her... I am working with him over the summer at my college, we live on the same floor and everything... I never see him... Hes always at her place and she wont let him stay here unless he has overnight duty. The only reason why I do see him is cuz we've been switching work shifts. Then, a few days ago he says, " If your boyfriend was mean to you for no reason, just angry cuz they had a bad day, what would you do?" I told him its unexceptable to let anyone who loves you treats you badly. He said, i know what you mean, but she always apologizes... I asked if he believed her and he said yeah. But, it seems like at this point, 4-5 yrs into the relationship, petty stuff like this should be gone... besides she 32 yrs old... Supposedly, all this is because shes really big and has self esteem problems. Thats no excuse though! She's trying to make it so he only has her and no friends. He told me all his old friends he never sees or talks to and it seems like shes now, trying to get rid of his summer co-worker buddies, which includes me. Hes such a great guy, hes done so much for her and he loves her soooooooooooo much... but lately, threw us, hes learning shes not being the best she can be and he sounds so depressed... I dont know what to do. How can I help?

Im having some serious trust issues. Its like every friggin time I trust someone it kicks me in the butt... I practically saved a co-worker's buttae from losing their job because she was drinking with us (Im still underage, by like 6mths). I was late for a shift because i was her ride and a beer was more important then the job... and she does this untrue evaluation and tries to bounce back to the east coast before I see it... so, i cant defend it... My recent ex-boyfriend sexually harasses me, my ex ex- boyfriend friggin cant return a call when i actually need to talk to him.. and grrrrrr, all my friends got issues they need to deal with, and i get that... so, i dont go to anyone... I have never felt this alone... because for the first time... I actually truly am.... Nobody gets me and it seems as if no one cares... god, in high school, i was all stupid, petty & delusional, only thinking i was alone and doing the whole melodramatic "woe is me" type of thing... but now, all these feeling of being trurly alone are real, i dont know how to deal and i have no one to talk to... My parents... nope... my mom is sick and stressed over her job and with my dad, its like talking to a brick wall ... im an only child, my grandmother doesnt understand, my aunt who is usually helpful wont call me back, my best buds are far away and have there own issues... my most stable friend from high school is all depressed and seeing a therapist... W.T.F.

Thanks to everyone who posted to my "problem." Here's a futher elaboration as to why i started to question "whether i should call him" or not. My relationship ended with E about a year ago. Since him, theres been R and M... with R it wasnt too bad. Basically, he was the friend I started to have mini feelings for when i came to college and was still with E. I did some pretty drastic measures as to getting rid of my crush on R... I kinda axed him from my life... and, didnt tell him why. Resorting to my high school behavior seemed to make sense... well, it was the easiest thing to do. Boy did I feel stupid when E bounced. I apologised to R and the next semester we started hanging out. Then, we went to see the Ring as "friends," but it turned into a first date. After the afternoon movie ended I went to hang out at his apartment and blurted out that I liked him and then we held hands and each other for the rest of the day. Around 9, his friends came over, both girls, then I realised, oh crap, this is my male slut friend. He focused all his romantic attention on me, kissing me when they could easily see, but i became paranoid. Later that night, we almost did a lot of stuff... but didnt get around to it, his roommate unexpectedly came home and we apparently both decided to keep what ever we were doing on the downlow..... Pretty much, he didnt do anything wrong and always was the perfect gentlemen and kind and patient, but i couldnt stop feeling like one of his ho's. And i kept seeing him around campus with a different girl... so, i did what i do best; I ran... Ironically, a few months later, he hooked up with a girl (round early Feb '03.) and everyone thought it wasnt going to last, including me... there still together and are in love. When he asked, what happened to us, out of curiosity. I fessed up and told him i didnt wanna be one of the many and asked, if that was how he saw me... He just replied, "Well, I guess you'll never know." Then, came M. Well, from first looks, M was going to be okay. He had a weird relationship with a younger girl who had him on a short leash prior to me.. but, i didnt let it bug me. After we hooked up, i learned this girl was much younger 20-16... ICK... but, it was like a internet/phone thing and for some reason, I held no bias. Other then that, the boy was completely unexperienced, no first kiss even, @ 20. And, since Im shy, that should have let me be on my way. Well, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and then... well, things got bad. First, there was the "Finals" incident. This was the first of his immature behavior surfacing. Basically, it was finals week and i had a final the day i was going to see Matrix 2 with him. And, to make an incrediblely long story short. I tried to pull an all-nighter, laid down at 7 am like a dumbarse and yeah, overslept and missed it. Thank god I had nice friends who tried to calm me down since i had a panic attack and an understanding teacher who let me retake the final later that day after my last final that day; because when i told M, he laughed... and, not only did he laugh, he teased me about it in line waiting for the Matrix and the rest of the day. It took everything in my power to keep from crying, i SERIOUSLY was upset. And he said, some day you'll look at this and laugh. But, i told him it wasnt funny and he just kept going... i should have said, shut the f*** up you, a***hole, but i didnt. And, his behavior got worse... I let him touch my boobs once and after that he would just randomly grab them... not in a kind manner, it friggin hurt. Also, he pressured me to have sex with him, and he didnt even try to like get me in the mood... he just asked for it... um, wtf? I know he was inexperience but, crap, who friggin asks only... not hugging, no kissing, no trying to unbutton my pants... just flat out asked. So, of course he never got any... and he also embarrased me in front of my friends openly discussing our relationship during a dinner over a friends house who i barely knew and also, infront of their mother and sister who I had just met. He was also rude to my friends... but the f***ing icing on the cake was the "cellphone" incident. Now this may sound like nothing, but, keep in mind that im still a semi-virgin and this was only my second official relationship. One night, I had some serious "cramps" and i asked him to not touch my stomach or tickle me... being the idiot that he is, he ignored this. I was lying near him on his bed and it was nice, but, i was getting tired. So i was like not listening and falling asleep so he started messing with me to make me wake up, eventually, it worked. Then for some reason he grabbed my cellphone and i was like, stop playing give it back. He then took the phone, put it on his dick and was like, come and get it... now this freaked me out... I was like no, i dont want to, just hand it to me... and he wouldnt... well this went on for like 7 mins and then, it began to scare me... so i got off the bed and like moved to the other side of the room and kept asking for it.. but he still insisted on me coming to get the phone... But then, i was like, oh my god... i dont feel safe... i mean, this didnt seem like boyfriend behavior and the fact that he wasnt listening made me wonder if we ever got hot and heavy would he stop if i asked him too... eventually, after like 15-20 mins he gave up and gave it too me... i immediately left. Later when i confronted him... actually, it was much later... like a few weeks (im wimpy when it comes to me communicating, with words, whats wrong... takes me a while to get courage) he gave the worst defense in the world. He said, " well, sometimes when i say no, it means yes, so i thought you were just playing." this reply freaked me out for obvious and when i told my friend about it, she was like, i dont wanna scare you but, that sounds like the excuse rapists give... and, im not trying to say i think he is a rapist.. but hey... good enough for me to not trust him... the next time i saw him, i immediately broke up with him... So now, I'm not feeling to great... its like, before E, i was all timid and untrusting and then, i became better. And after R, i felt a little self conscious and now, that i had that horrid relationship with M... its like, all the trust i was willing to give people is gone... And, since I fixed alot of things about myself and moved far from where I grew up, my moral support group of friends are all gone or have their own relationship woes to deal with. So, I did what came to mind... all of a sudden, E's phone number came to mind... he was a good friend who I never wanted to lose and seemed to understand me pretty well... I thought, perhaps if i call him, he could give me some advice... and now, that I changed my mind about calling him... I've never felt so alone... M crushed my spirit and stripped away something that wasnt fully gone... my innocence. Im still pretty much a virgin and E and R let me go at my own pase. So things felt so natural with them... but M, just rushed things. and now, i feel myself pulling away from the lil friends i have around here and being more reserved and untrusting... I feel like Im turing into that scared 16 yr old girl who i long casted aside. E was my lil cheerleader when i was getting rid of her... he didnt get rid of her... he gave me the confidence to do it on my own... and i guess... i need help and Im willing to admit it, but, no one around here can, all my friends are so full of sarcasm and after M, thats the last thing i need... even my best bud of almost a decade is too sarcastic... I guess I need help and he seemed to be my only alternative.. so i went for it... after all the posts I got, i called him and got nothing.. the same, i will call you later he gave me when he left me and now, i feel even more abandoned... and lost... Thanks for listening.

I have had only one major relationship in my life. He was perfect. I was 18 and he was 23... quite the age difference i know, my father thought so too. But after meeting him for the first time, my parents immediately fell in love with him, as did I. And he took time with me. It took him 3 months to kiss me and after that, well, things took off. I hadnt had any luck with guys in high school and, i actually had given up when I met him. I also had given up on people correctly interpreting my poetry. But he could, and not only that, he could respond. Thats who our relationship began. We never fought or had a disagreement in the 5 months we were together. Well, in the same area I mean. Things got rocky when i went away for college... surprise, surprise I know. He wanted to let things end, but i couldnt. I was in love, and i knew, he was all i wanted. And, he was... i developed a slight crush on friend, but i was totally devoted to him. However, he had is own issues. Issues he apparently didnt want to share with me. He had displayed good behavior all the way from late aug till the beginning of october. then, he dissappeared for a month... I still dont know what exactly happened. He didnt return my emails or few phone calls, i was sooooooooooooooo crushed... wrote really good poetry though. Then out of the blue, he calls me around the time of thanksgiving. Saying he was going threw crap and he wanted to do it alone. I think he wanted to see me during thanksgiving but i didnt visit him then or during christmas break. I was angry, but my anger subsided, and in late Jan, around my birthday, i called him again and we started talking as if nothing happened. He sent me roses on V-day and we spent all of my spring break together.... then, on the last day of spring break... things went down the crapper again. The last day was Easter, which also was our one year anniversary (despite the fact that we were "separated" for a bit.) He pretty much stood me up till the end of the day cuz he had to spend time with his family... which, is fine. i just wish he called. but he said he left his phone at home. well, i dont need to go to far into this...that night, he didnt kiss me goodbye but he did cuddle with me during the movie before... and, resorted back to not calling. which confused me sooooo much. nothing happened, nothing went wrong. i left him alone, but called like at the end of my semester cuz i failed a class and was upset... he called me back within the next hour... and when i went home, i talked to him and he said, i will give you a call tomorrow.... never did. thats how it ended. I havent had any good relationships since him (its been like a year... we stopped talking in early summer 2002)... partly because, i still love him and miss him... he was my best friend more then a boyfriend. he understood me more then anyone and i still need his advice and damn it, i just miss talking to him... and after the last relationship was with an unexperience virgin who actually asked for sex then, sexually harrased me till i dumped his ass. And, i really needed someone to talk to... and duh, i wanted to call him... just for his guidedance... and, so i did. i didnt say anything to him or leave a message, but im desperate to call again. but i dont know... will he be really mad... what if he like hated me for some reason?