boltnrun

I think she would have continued on this way for as long as both men allowed it. Good on you for having enough self respect to not play the "please, please pick me!!!" game.

Yeah, I would want my kids to pursue their passions. I bet your father would want you to do what you're most passionate about.

Yep, my BIL isn't "afraid", he just doesn't want to get married. For whatever reason. And his siblings (except for one of his brothers who happens to be my ex husband...) all have successful, happy marriages. So it's not like oh, he witnessed his relatives getting hosed when their marriages broke up so he doesn't want the same thing to happen to him! He just doesn't want marriage. But he liked living with a girlfriend and whatever benefits he got from that situation. He needs to find a woman who also doesn't want marriage. I'm wondering how the OP is doing.

Yep, if you're not feeling it right now it's absolutely fine to take some time off from dating. Enjoy doing things you like to do and you can revisit whenever you want.

Thank you. TMI, but I have had to use the bathroom twice so far at work and it was, shall we say, messy. Not a pleasant thing to deal with at work. But it seems things are once again "moving along" which will help clear up this flare up. One relatively smart thing I did yesterday was limit how much I ate, and for dinner I had potatoes and a couple of eggs. No meat and nothing really solid. I think it helped to give my digestive system a bit of a rest. I still feel very weak, fatigued and lightheaded but the pain is much less.

I can only imagine. I'm fortunate that while I live alone I am still pretty much able to get around and travel and see friends and attend events. My health isn't terrific but I can still do a lot. I can't imagine how I'd deal with being basically homebound. It must be so tough, and tough on you as well to not only witness it but to be the one she relies on for everything including human interaction.

I brought up about that man I was involved with and physical strength because he felt being physically stronger made him superior to women in ALL ways. And he looked down on women as "weak", overly emotional and completely helpless without a man. I'm not just talking about needing a man to move the fridge or change a flat tire or fight off an intruder. He thought his physical strength not only made him smarter and more capable than women but that it also gave him the right to treat women as objects and as existing only for his pleasure and convenience. I doubt anyone's husband who's physically stronger treats his wife as an inferior being unworthy of respect. Not in good marriages anyway.

That's too bad. And both sad and understandable. She doesn't know what to do with herself when she's not someone's wife or mothering a child. It can definitely be a difficult transition for sure. Are she and your son close? Most grandparents dote on their grandchildren. I for one would LOVE a grandchild 😌

Not old by any means but probably not described as a "younger person". Do these people approach you where you have no means of escape?

I see a lot of parents who struggle to let go. Or those who wistfully say "I wish my kids could go back to being babies again!" I find many of those people struggle with their identities or what to do with themselves after their children are adults and no longer need their parents to feed, clothe, house and guide them. I feel the opposite. My kids are functioning, productive adults and I couldn't be more proud. They don't need me to tell them how to do this or that. It frees me to do things I want to do without worrying how being away for a week or not feeling like cooking dinner will affect them.

Everything you expect of your husband also applies to you. Instead of expecting him to cower and bow before you, how about treating him like an equal and deserving of respect? How about loving him instead of trying to hold him down?

Side note, I have had men tell me they could never fathom giving birth or even having monthly periods. One man I knew whose wife had just had a baby told me he had a new respect for women and their strength and fortitude after watching her give birth. Can I lift heavy things or slam down a man? Probably not. But I went through twelve hours of labor and gave birth without a drop of anesthesia 🤷‍♀️ Annndddd...super off topic so my apologies, but I think it's marginally relevant to men respecting women (and some who do not).

My husband and I had our share of issues but I can't recall a single instance where I was aware of him checking out another woman in my presence. Did he do it? Sure, possibly. But I never noticed if he did. He was super, super into me for the first five or six years and I don't believe at that point he thought another woman had it over me. And even when things began to go south for us I still never observed him looking appreciatively at another woman.

That gross man I mentioned who would say offensive things about women's physical attributes while I was out in public with him and I did have that "click" (albeit mostly on a physical level) but he just didn't respect women. He felt women were great for sex and for things like cooking and doing his laundry for him but he didn't feel they were his equals as far as physical strength or ability to get things done or make decisions. He also saw women as helpless without a man. So his general lack of respect for women carried over into seeing them as objects or as something that exists solely for his pleasure. And that's why he felt free to comment loudly on their breasts or behinds. I can't say that this man you were out with feels the same way, but he certainly didn't behave respectfully.

Thank you. And yes, these flare-ups can come out of nowhere. Something I eat regularly suddenly sends my digestive system into a complete meltdown and it takes up to a week to settle down. I am in the office and am really having a hard time focusing. I don't want to ask my manager AGAIN to leave early but recent weeks have been pretty rough health-wise. As a funny side note, my company sent out an email announcing they now provide menopause support. What exactly are they trying to tell me 🤣 Anyway, my "meno" paused about five years ago. In fact it didn't pause, it stopped! And I'm so glad. My periods were epically awful. I couldn't even leave home the first two days.