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boltnrun last won the day on July 25

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  1. I agree. I was in a "relationship" with someone who would say I was his "bestest friend" if he met a woman he was interested in sleeping with but if any men came around us he was all over me. He wanted me to be exclusively his but didn't want to be exclusively mine. Now, I didn't read that you were doing any of that passive aggressive, self serving ownership behavior but you did react to her actions by getting drunk and flirting with another woman in front of her. So, neither of you behaved in a stellar way. I would let this one go and focus on what's important, as others have said. Instead of spending money on alcohol and drinks in bars and restaurants (expensive), focus on saving as much as possible to pay your back rent and look into additional means of income. Good luck.
  2. Ok, that's good. You used present tense ("always willing") so I presumed you are still helping him. If you get that chill of anxiety every time you get a call or message from an unknown number, you might reconsider your refusal to change your number. It's easy to do so. I did and it only took me about 15 minutes to send my new number to the people I wanted to have it. And what's 15 minutes when it's your peace of mind at stake?
  3. So even after you left him for abusing you, you still "help" him? Why? It's not "good nature" to do things that are harmful to yourself to appease your abuser. It's actually self destructive. Does your therapist know you continue to communicate with and "help" him? What does he or she think about that?
  4. Can you be specific about what it is that "terrifies" you? Are you afraid of specific things like someone breaking into your home? Or do you just not like yourself very much? I have been completely single for about 10 years after a breakup I didn't want (he dumped me, in the true sense of the word). Nothing horrible has happened to me. I live alone and am not at all afraid. I travel alone, go to restaurants alone, have even gone to bars alone. Again, nothing frightening has happened to me. If you can pinpoint what it is you're afraid of maybe I can help.
  5. You aren't wanting to cut ties with this abuser and that's why you are giving excuses why you "can't" change your number. You seem to be hoping the two of you can reconcile, believing he has "changed". (I hope I'm wrong about this, BTW). Abusers do not change unless and until two things happen: they admit they are abusive and they attend specific, targeted therapy for abusers. Has he done either of these things? He is not "bored". He just surmises (correctly, it seems) that you still love and want him. See, abusers aren't easily able to find women who are willing to accept their abuse. So they circle back to the ones they know will accept it. He doesn't want to have to go to the bother of acting nice to a new woman before he brings out the abuse. So he goes back to you because he knows you want to believe he's "changed". I guarantee once you go back he will start in with the abuse again after a brief "honeymoon period". Except this time it will be worse. What does your therapist say about your hope that this man has "changed"? Does he or she encourage reconciliation?
  6. He got in touch because he wants to abuse you some more. You can change your number to put an end to this. Yes, you can. Sure, you can think of a zillion silly excuses why you "can't " change your number but they are just that, excuses. Change your number and give it to your therapist and anyone else you want to have it. Do NOT give it to him. No, he does not "need" to be able to get in touch with you. If there's some kind of "emergency" I'm sure he has other people he can contact for help. Do it asap. Your peace of mind will thank you. I'm glad you're in therapy. That's excellent.
  7. I can't eat when I'm anxious, depressed or upset. Maybe she can try protein shakes (Ovaltine is great!) or Ensure. They taste pretty good and have lots of vitamins and nutrients. I also have some protein powder that can be mixed with milk or fruit juice. I drank that when I was so extremely anxious that I lost 26 pounds (that I did not need to lose!) I hope she and her husband are both doing much better soon.
  8. IT was remotely connected to my work computer almost the entire day today. And the only thing he accomplished was uninstalling a program that I absolutely MUST use in order to do my job. When I tried to ask the status he stopped responding to my messages. I think he knows he effed up. I'll probably have to go into the office to have someone fix it. Which is fine, but it was working fine before he decided to "work on" it. He should have just left it alone! Now my brother thinks he doesn't want to buy the house after all. He got so angry when the first person who was supposed to buy his old house backed out, now he's going to do the same thing to the person he's buying the new house from? He seems to be very unsettled and even depressed. I think his divorce is bothering him a lot more than he lets on and it's affecting his decision making. I want to give him emotional support but last night I stopped responding to his messages when he started getting snippy with me. I sent him a supportive text this morning which he thanked me for. I'm grateful he has his kids with him.
  9. It doesn't seem like the OP wants to be talked into getting married. So I think discussing aspects of a prenuptial agreement is not especially relevant. I'm curious to know how the discussion went. I hope his girlfriend doesn't agree to not get married just to "keep" him or to try to get him to change his mind down the road.
  10. Because your anxiety is steering your ship. How have you managed anxiety in the past?
  11. Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out why you think he wants to date you. I talk to my neighbors. We complain about the construction noise coming from next door. But I'm not trying to date any of them. In fact, I'd think it was strange if any of them thought me complaining about noise means I'm angling for a date. Can you please clarify why you think he's trying to date you?
  12. Work, school AND a mother with dementia? These are not "excuses". These are legitimate stressors. Yes, he is busy and preoccupied. However, if you want someone who is free to date this is not the man for you. It's up to you if you want to put yourself on hold for him.
  13. If you are interested in dating him, why not ask him out for coffee?
  14. I had an FWB arrangement with an ex. But I didn't love him anymore and I didn't want him back and I didn't have any hurt feelings about him. Frankly, I just wanted to use his body to get off. He thought it meant I was still madly in love with him but he was wrong. I eventually had to stop because he thought he had some kind of rights to my time just because every so often we had sex. These things only work if BOTH parties have zero feelings of love or regret toward one another.
  15. I wouldn't invent an illness. I would just say I'm sorry, but I won't be able to participate after all. Sorry for the late notice. It's very rude to expect you to attend and PAY FOR the bachelorette party but not invite you to the reception. Reminds me of the time a classmate asked me to help her plan a party. I started to but then she asked me to help with the guest list. Welp, I wasn't on it and, she said, well you're not actually invited. So I stopped helping right there. Oh yeah, but this was in high school! It would be a hard no from me.
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