By Margarita Nahapetyan
For most people it is always very hard to deal with divorce. No one enters a marriage believing that it will end some day, however almost 50 per cent of all marriages do end in divorce. Feelings, such an anger, sadness, depression, helplessness, loneliness, and guilt are common for divorcing people.
When everything in a life has been turned upside down, figuring out how to handle divorce is one of the tougher things that one can possibly encounter. It does not only mean that people have to deal with the end of a relationship, but they also have to figure out how to share and split everything, who will have to move out, and many other unpleasant things.
Divorce is a type of loss for many people, and a tough transition. It takes a lot of time and energy to adjust or heal. Particularly, during the first year after divorce, people usually have a hard time re-establishing their lifestyle as singles again. They may feel hopeless and try to isolate themselves from other people. Some feel shame thinking that they will be criticized and judged by others, some feel abandoned and miserable, blaming self or other part for causing the divorce. Yet, there are some things that a person can try to do in order to make the process of divorce and recovery go as smooth as it possibly can.
First of all, after a divorce, it is important to take oneself together and take charge of your own life. Never see yourself as a victim. Recognize that it is a person himself who is responsible for his own fate. Yes, life circumstances might be painful, and sometimes it is really almost impossible to see things in an optimistic way, but it is still up to you only how you will go forward. It is up to you only to establish whether you will learn from your life failures, or whether you will be broken by them.
Another important thing to do in dealing with a divorce is to never put yourself down, let bygones be bygones, just understand that whatever was done will never be undone. While moving forward, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. Try to focus on the things that you can do, even the minor ones. Remember that every new day is one more day that you are further in the healing process, and another sign that you are learning how to handle the divorce.
Planning for the future is also one of the most important components of the recovery process. Having something to do, or a plan in mind is necessary for you to keep moving on. As long as you calm down, make up your mind, set your goal and try your best to overcome all the hardships, you will be in significantly better position to succeed. There might be financial problems or problems in making decisions about what to do. Finding resources and support from others is helpful to set your plan and eliminate some barriers.
Surround yourself with things that make you feel comfortable, as well as with some new ones that have nothing to do with your past married life. Get out of the house from time to time. Isolation only leads deeper into depression. Spend more time with friends and try to keep your life at ease. Look for activities that you may enjoy and participate in them on a regular basis.
Do not forget to laugh. It is helpful to be around people with good sense of humor which will make you laugh and, therefore, forget at least for some time about all the difficulties in your life. Try to look at your life in a positive way, rather than whining and crying over something that has to be considered as past. Also, stay as active as possible by keeping a regular exercise routine. Nothing helps our emotions bounce back better than physical activity. It will help in relieving tense, anger and anxiety.
If you have children, don't use them as leverage in a divorce struggle between you and your ex. The split affects them, but it should not involve them. Make sure that you are being a good parent by taking care of your children, and by make sure that your children understand that, no matter what happens, you love them and have their best interests at heart.
Avoid destructive activities, such as alcohol or drugs, when trying to deal with your problem. Don't allow your problems and feelings to cause you to seek revenge, or play the victim. If you are stressed, hurt or angry, it is best to find a safe shoulder to vent to and get those feelings out.
When you are living through a highly stressful situation no hasty decisions or changes to your life should be made until you have thought of all the following consequences. Take time to think things through and thoroughly weigh all your options. And what is most important, do not blame anyone, forgive yourself and your spouse and don't let the issues from this marriage follow you into new life and new relationships. The road to a complete recovery after divorce is a long one, however, by dealing with your divorce, you may finally find yourself in a much better place.
The above are just some suggestions, however, everyone has their own different ways to handle a divorce. Adjusting to divorce is a process that takes time, so allow yourself time to heal and remember to focus on one day at a time. Only you are the one who knows which best fits your needs.