The jealous adult child...

So I have known a guy for almost a year now through mutual friends. We have been seeing each other steadily for about six months. Everything between him and I are great. The only issue is his 19 year old daughter and her jealousy issues. I have kids so I realize how important they are and that they come first. But a lot of times when him and I have something planned something with her seemingly comes up.

He has told me that she has jealousy issues. He told me once she got jealous over a female who was just a friend and told him she did not like the way his friend was looking at him. This seems incredibly odd to me. I have been incredibly understanding over the months after all of the cancelled plans and basically getting my feelings trampled on, but I finally decided it just isn't going to work. I learned long ago that it's not my place to change how someone parents.

She doesn't work or go to school and he will drop any plans he has with me to go rush to her and bring her money anytime she asks. I could understand that sometimes things come up, but it seems like he cancels on me about 60 percent of the time. He also cut short a trip we took after I fixed my work schedule because of another incident with his grown daughter. She called and told him she needed some medical records for a medication due to her allergies. I told him that stuff would all be on file with the doctor, he insisted it wasn't so and all her medical records were in his house. So he cut our trip short and drove back four hours to get paperwork that supposedly could only be obtained by him.

I would also understand if this was a young child, but I don't want to deal with jealousy issues from a grown woman. I told him if he has to cancel on me that often then maybe he just doesn't have the space for me in his life and it just isn't right. He wants to keep talking even though I ended it. I know deep down inside to just let it go. I think I just need to vent here instead of talking to him again. If his situation works for him that's great but it just doesn't for me. I just miss him so much and felt so amazing with him.

I have been crying and feel sick over the situation. I even feel like a jerk for feeling that way when it's his daughter. I just feel like I also deserve to be treated like a human being with feelings.

I guess the daughter's plan worked. She wanted to break you guys up. Sounds like he's wrapped around her little fingers. She has manipulated him long enough with probably being spoiled due to the absent mother. you should tell him that he needs to let that adult child go. how is she going to survive in this world without him coming to her rescue at every beckon call? but if he is not on the same page as you about parenting, forget him. who knows what other issues will come up that you guys are not on the same page about? you should have a say in it if you would like the relationship to be lasting. you may one day be a step mom. but he's gotta make his decison on whether to get on board with you, or keep spoiling that adult child until a guy finally marries her and takes over his role. i doubt though his role would be over even if she was married. i bet if she had a horrible fight with her husband, she'll come running to her daddy who's forever going to receive her with open arms. that's the kind of future you'd have to put up with, unless he listens to you.

It sounds like his daughter stopped emotionally maturing in her early teens. There could be a number of reasons for his from extreme trauma during her early teens, to being coddled by her parents her whole life.

You did the right thing. He doesn't have space for you or anyone else as long has he has this kind of relationship with hsi daughter. I would say not to respond when he tries to contact you.

I know EXACTLY what you are going through ... read my story, different circumstances, but at the end of the day it relates to the same thing, an adult child who is jealous!!! The adult children know how to manipulate their parents, and the parents are blind to it, but for us looking from the outside in, we can see it as plain as the nose on our face. I have three children and I would NEVER alone them to behave in such a way. Some parents just enable their child's behavior.

Dysfunctional kids are created by their parents. He really wasn't all that and a bag of chips and you made the right decision .

I can relate, although my problems weren't as great as yours with my teen stepdaughter. It was basically when she didn't have a driver's license yet, and she expected her dad to cater to her every whim when it impeded on his time or our time. That problem went away after she got her license. I agree in your decision to end things, since breaking up with him hasn't had him begging you to stay and telling you what he will do to keep you in his life. He wants to stay in touch, but that's not doing you any good. You can't have closure, and your future bf won't appreciate you staying in touch with an ex. I'd explain to him why you can no longer speak to him.

It's frustrating to love someone but they possess a deal breaker like this. Just know you did the right thing, and that will free you to meet someone who doesn't have any deal breakers. Good luck.

Thank you all for your responses. I just can't help but think about our trip that he cut short. Her telling him that she had to have paperwork about her medications she's allergic to. I just couldn't help but feel like first off isn't she old enough to be responsible for this type of thing? And aren't all medical records kept on file? I mean this was just some kind of an infection treatable by an antibiotic allegedly.

I can't help but feel this was all a dramatic act to get him away from our trip. But then a part of me feels like a jerk for thinking that way....

It was an act to get him away from you. And he did.

That is really all you need to know. Next.

Hang in there and don't let her win!

Just as in the fact that it's wrong for a woman to direct all of her hatred to the woman who is cheating with her husband, versus at her husband himself for making that hurtful decision, it's wrong to keep your focus on his daughter's ulterior motives or neediness. She is a young woman with an immature brain. He is a grown man who has made the decision to not put up boundaries with his daughter to the detriment of any romantic relationship with a significant other. You and his daughter should have both been priorities with a healthy balance. If you have plans with a person, they should not be broken unless the other person in your life has to go to the emergency room, or needs you because of something extreme like someone close to them dying, etc. HE has chosen to not give a healthy balance to the various loved ones in his life, nor does he make logical decisions on how to spend his time. It's not about competing with his daughter, nor should you. It's about separating from a man who doesn't build a happy life with you because of his choices in life. Tell him why there will be no contact. If he speaks about wanting you back, tell him that he should get counseling to get the skills to be a healthy partner, and then and only then, would you give it another chance.

Thank you all very much for your advice. I know ultimately I made the right choice. I just hate the part of feeling down and going through the missing him. I hate the heart break and sick feeling in my stomach. But in a way I am also proud of myself for ending it now rather then going through countless arguments over it like I would have in the past.