Facebook guy friend confusion. Need Opinions, please.

Hi all

Hoping you can help or at least shed some light on a confusing but surely repetitive subject.

There is a Facebook guy (I've never met him) who messages me fairly frequently. Sometimes, every couple of days, five or ten and occasionally three weeks will pass before he contacts me again. We talk about issues that we are both involved with (we have friends in common, too) and we talk for a while, and sometimes hours. He always contacts me first, I rarely message him. He isn't flirty, although he has told me my opinion of him is important and that he considers me a friend. (Perhaps that is my answer). I really like him, not sure if he's just being friendly or if he actually does likes me.

Sometimes, I feel as though he invents excuses to talk to me, but its hard to say. i generally remain friendly/non flirty with him. He never likes any of my FB photos although i have seen him like others, which is sort of mystifying if we are supposed to be friends. I will likely be meeting him at some point, as we do have mutual friends and interests, but I guess i would like some opinions in order to move on from this or perhaps consider sharing my feelings.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

Hippiegirl

A man who initiates contact just for the sake of it and is not interested? I don't think so. If he keeps having "reasons" to need to speak with you, it means you're on his mind. If he's not interested and genuinely needs to make contact, the conversation would be something like "do you have x's number?" and "cool thanks"

Give him a compliment - it has to be genuine. See how he reacts. You can compliment friends so there won't be any awkwardness. If you haven't been flirty, then you didn't allow him to be flirty even if he wanted to. Open up a bit more to him and see where it takes you.

Be careful of spending so much time talking in cyberspace. People hide behind it sometimes. Try to get some phone time or better yet face time if you are that interested.

You need to see what this guy is really about.

If a guy was interested in dating you, he would take progressive steps toward that goal. When you have to make the effort, it's usually always fruitless. The reason why he won't? He either has a gf or just isn't that into you. If it's a bf you want, go to link removed activities in your area. or join a co-ed sports team where you can physically enjoy the company of people, and possibly meet a potential date. Don't waste your emotional energy on a merry-go-round that goes round and round and never goes anywhere.

Hi Andrina

Thanks for your response. Where did I mention I said i have to make the effort? I specifically stated I don't make the effort. He does. Also, I included that i would likely be meeting him at some point, so not sure where you got the idea he wasn't in my area.

However, I do take your point that if he was interested he would take progressive steps towards that goal.

Cheers

Hi Derroax

Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. I'll try what you said. My reluctance stems from his consistent/inconsistent contact given if he was into me, he'd make more of an effort to contact me. He has actually used the "do you have x's number' line but it led to a longer conversation. He may think I'm not interested in him, so responds in a similar manner, keeping it a friends only kind of relationship.

No, I didn't mean you were making an effort. I was really responding to another's suggestion that you try to speak to him on the phone or arrange a meeting with him, and stating my opinion that the woman shouldn't initiate that. I understood that he was in your local area. My point was only that the time and energy you spend communicating with someone you've never met, and one who takes up your time on the internet only, is precious time that could be spent with someone in person. I hope you do get to see him in person soon so you can get closure or get a better vibe if there could be something more.

Hi Andrina

 

Thanks for your response. Where did I mention I said i have to make the effort? I specifically stated I don't make the effort. He does. Also, I included that i would likely be meeting him at some point, so not sure where you got the idea he wasn't in my area.

 

However, I do take your point that if he was interested he would take progressive steps towards that goal.

 

Cheers

For the sake of clarification I was not implying she should do all the work. Merely that spending time in cyberspace with someone for too long is not ideal. Eventually phone and/or face to face is the only way she will know where she stands with him.

No, I didn't mean you were making an effort. I was really responding to another's suggestion that you try to speak to him on the phone or arrange a meeting with him, and stating my opinion that the woman shouldn't initiate that. I understood that he was in your local area. My point was only that the time and energy you spend communicating with someone you've never met, and one who takes up your time on the internet only, is precious time that could be spent with someone in person. I hope you do get to see him in person soon so you can get closure or get a better vibe if there could be something more.

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Yes. I agree I shouldn't initiate anything. Anyway, bottom line is if he were really interested, there would be more signs than the signs I am receiving. I think the contact would be more and clear than what I am actually receiving. Pretty sure men when they like someone, they don't waste their time, even if they are a bit shy and or unsure.

Thank you.

For the sake of clarification I was not implying she should do all the work. Merely that spending time in cyberspace with someone for too long is not ideal. Eventually phone and/or face to face is the only way she will know where she stands with him.

For sure. i get this. I was looking for some opinions on whether it sounded if he was showing interest and i was missing something, or if it gave off a 'just friends" vibe.

For sure. i get this. I was looking for some opinions on whether it sounded if he was showing interest and i was missing something, or if it gave off a 'just friends" vibe.

You're just not going to truly know until you start seeing him in person. Its too easy to text and ping people. Going out of your way and taking somone out take more effort and indicates interest than merely banging on a keyboard.

just thought I'd give an update on this. I'm still talking to him online semi regularly, he's initiating the contact, but I've been in his city for about 10 days and he didn't make on effort to meet, despite the fact I posted it on Fb which he didn't even address and I talked to him once online when i was actually here and he didn't even mention it. I guess i got my answer and I'll be moving on now. Hurts, but at least i know.

thanks for all the responses.

just thought I'd give an update on this. I'm still talking to him online semi regularly, he's initiating the contact, but I've been in his city for about 10 days and he didn't make on effort to meet, despite the fact I posted it on Fb which he didn't even address and I talked to him once online when i was actually here and he didn't even mention it. I guess i got my answer and I'll be moving on now. Hurts, but at least i know.

 

thanks for all the responses.

He probably knows he does not measure up to his online persona. I'm glad you came to a decision.

He probably knows he does not measure up to his online persona. I'm glad you came to a decision.

Do you think so? So strange you frame in that context. I was thinking he had no interest in meeting me at all. Like I'm fine to talk to online, but no to any real life contact. Perhaps you're right. Maybe it's him and his fears, not specifically that its about me.

Thanks for that.

Do you think so? So strange you frame in that context. I was thinking he had no interest in meeting me at all. Like I'm fine to talk to online, but no to any real life contact. Perhaps you're right. Maybe it's him and his fears, not specifically that its about me.

 

Thanks for that.

Neither one of you truly knows the other. It probably has little to do with you.