Staying friends after things go too far

Not sure if this is really the right section, sorry if it isn't.

So, about 4 months ago I bumped into an old friend from high school at a party. We got chatting and she told me about how her and her BF of 2 years had broken up a week before. We ended up exchanging numbers and ended up catching up about a week later. We both had this instant attraction to each other and couldn't believe how well we got along and how much we had in common. But we were strictly friends. Our little dates went from once a week to 3 - 4 times to pretty much every day. We met each others families and friends. We would message each other constantly and we eventually became very flirty with each other. One night we got a little too close and ended up in bed together. But she pulled away at the last minute. She told me that she really doesn't want things to go too far because she had adopted this, 'I never want another boyfriend' thing. Well that's fair enough, she's probably still recovering from the breakup.

BUT from there we just kept getting closer and went on this stupid, painful and confusing spiral of getting closer and closer, eventually going too far and then pulling things back. Then it would repeat and things would go further every time. She'd say things like, "I'm just not ready." Or "I see you as more of a friend." or, "I'm attracted to you but I don't want to hurt you." Her reasons literally changed every time, but it didn't stop it from happening again. It happened probably 5 times. The 5th being the most recent, and this time we had really talked it out, about how we were very attracted to each other and should stop overthinking everything and just see how things go. But of course she pulled away again after some foreplay. She said that this would never happen again but she really wants to stay friends. This time I just got pissed off. I told her I wanted space. That was about a week ago. She keeps messaging me but I'm just ignoring her or giving one word replies.

While right now I do need some distance from her, I want to stay friends but It's just so hard after everything that has happened. I must say it's very hard going from being in contact with her every single day to just nothing. I'm struggling to be honest. I have very strong feelings for her and would LOVE a relationship but it seems impossible. I should have listened when she said she didn't want anything. Is it possible to stay friends? Because we really do get along great, it seems like such a shame to throw it all away. I'm hoping after I've had my space that might be possible...

probably not, since you have romantic feelings for her. she is not over her previous relationship. i think you will continue to be frustrated by her hot and cold behavior because she is simply not ready to date.

It seems like she is still not over her ex, and is enjoying the comfort you bring her. It is also clear that she does not want a relationship with you, sorry. I think you did great by taking a step back, and I urge you to stay there.

probably not, since you have romantic feelings for her. she is not over her previous relationship. i think you will continue to be frustrated by her hot and cold behavior because she is simply not ready to date.

Yeah.. That's what I thought. Yeah there's no way I'm getting as close as we were, and hot and cold sums her up perfectly. It's just a shame because we have such a connection.

It seems like she is still not over her ex, and is enjoying the comfort you bring her. It is also clear that she does not want a relationship with you, sorry. I think you did great by taking a step back, and I urge you to stay there.

Yeah, she's really trying but she's definitely struggling with it all. i know she doesn't want a relationship but she kept letting things happen or saying things that would convince me otherwise, and then she'd change her mind a week later. I'm doing my best to stay away. The first 5 days I found easy, because I was fuelled by how angry I was, but now that has kind of worn off and the last 2 days I have just felt down. We let ourselves become so attached to each other than any time apart has always proved hard for both of us (This isn't the first time we've taken some space). Will have to stay strong though. This is just unhealthy what we're doing.

It's not easy to just go back to 'friends', when you've been that close, emotionally, etc. You two went beyond basic friendship.. so you can look at this as a relationship i'd say.

As for any kind of break up it takes time to 'accept & heal' from everything. So, I suggest you remain distant for a while to let evertything cool down.

She IS still dealing with her last relationships still and their BU. YOU were her emotional pillow and were like her 'rebound'. Those are NOT fun! But, point is.. she is NOT ready and she told you that, repeatedly.

Because you were ready, you kept trying.

So, sadly, you were used.

IF you want to try as friends again.. I'd give it a few months, down time to let her work on getting herself together again and more stable, mentally & emotionally.