my girlfriend needs space to be herself and broke up with me. Please help

Hello. So I have dated my girlfriend for two years and she recently decided to break up with me, because she wants time and space to figure herself out. She wants to be single at the moment and figure out what she wants without the confusion of a relationship. Now she told me many times that there is no other guy that is involved, and her sister(who didnt want us to break up) told me herself that she isnt seeing anyone else. My girlfriend also said that she still loves me, but she needs a break because she never had the chance to be single. The reason why is because she started dating me one week after she left her ex (he was abusive and controlling) and I have always treated her with love and respect. She said I am a wonderful boyfriend and that I did nothing wrong, and that she still loves me but needs to miss me and needs to figure herself out alone because she is unhappy. She did say that she isnt cutting me out from her life and isnt closing doors on us, so she is open to getting back together in the future, but for now she needs to be by herself. She said if I wanted to wait for her I can, but if I dont want to I am free to go. I don't understand. Have I been smothering her too much since we have been together almost always? She said I never had any restrictions on her but she needs a break. I am confused. What should I do? We are both 20 years old and just finished our first years of college. She basically just needs to be with family and friends to make her happy. She was never a party girl and I always loved her and took care of her and made her feel special.

I prefer if a girl answers this question because you understand how a girls mind works more than me, but guys can answer on here too.

Well I was in the same place as you last year, I had been in a three year relationship with my ex, then she broke up with me and used the same reasons, that she wanted to know what it was like to be alone, that she had always been in a relationship, and that it had nothing to do with me, three months later she was in another relationship, now i´m not saying this is going to happen to you but the best advice I can give even though it is hard, is to distance yourself, she says she wants to be alone then give her exactly that, don´t contact her, and focus only on yourself, when I was in your situation I constantly worried about her and how she must be feeling, but remember she was the one that made a decision she knew was going to hurt you, maybe you contributed in the decision, but remember this is something you can do nothing about, I would tell you to work on yourself, and try to become a better person, not for her, but for yourself, so that no matter what happens you can look back at this moment in a year, and realize how much you´ve grown, and remember, It gets better.

Sounds like she really does just want some time for herself. Sometimes in relationships (especially when we are younger), we are still trying to figure out who we are and how to find a balance between being in a relationship and to be creating a good healthy relationship with ourselves. She's doing exactly what she said she is... she's just wanting a break to re-discover what she wants and that's perfectly normal and healthy.

It sounds like your second-guessing has a lot to do with your own heartbreak and struggle to let it go. The best advice I can give is to simply just not depend or rely on the idea that she will come back. Just focus on letting her go. Yes, it's tough... trust me, I know... it's SUPER tough -- I went through the same exact thing at your age but the guy was the one saying all those things. But the best thing I can say to do is to create as much distance from her as you can, give her and yourself space, and focus on yourself. Focus on what it is that YOU need right now. Do things for YOU and what YOU desire to do. So rather than spending your time and energy wallowing and worrying about her, go and focus on doing things for YOU. Go out with friends, do an activity that you enjoy, just do something for YOU. And remember and know that it is OKAY to cry. Just let it out and process the pain, because if we just stuff the pain down and repress it it will only make things more difficult. Give yourself room to grieve.

Good luck.

She did say that she isnt cutting me out from her life and isnt closing doors on us, so she is open to getting back together in the future, but for now she needs to be by herself. She said if I wanted to wait for her I can, but if I dont want to I am free to go.

AKA, I want to go out there and see if I can find someone better than you, but hey, stick around, I'll come back if I don't find anyone.

This girl sounds so selfish... walk away now that you might a level of interest in you, if you stick around and let her jerk you around the little feelings that she might have will be crushed to dust and she'll move on and leave you all bruised and hurt.

But this doesnt mean she is gone for good right? I understand if we aren't meant to be then that's how God put it, but she did say she wont close doors or cut me out in her life. She still likes my statuses on facebook and we are still going to the fair in two weeks. I don't think she is seeing any other guy because she isnt like that and her sister even said so herself. Unless she is lying. I dont know. her birthday is tomorrow she is with her family on vacation. Should I wish her happy birthday? or should I have limited contact with her? I hope she will open up to me more. Idk maybe she needs to miss me or maybe she wants to rethink herself. What do you think?

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Maybe she is not gone for good, but for your sake assume she is gone forever, the longer you linger, the more you will suffer, trust me, I've been there, wish her a happy birthday, but then cut off all contact with her, not for her, but for YOU, you need to heal and feel better and it won' t happen if you do not let her go.

MORE likely than not, she's gone for good. When someone is in love and highly attracted, they don't do anything to jeopardize that relationship.

It sounds like her attraction for you is gone. Perhaps it's the fact that you were together all the time. But there is nothing you can do if the other person's feelings are gone. Just try your best to stay away from her and move on.

Ms Darcy, Would it be possible if I could get her to miss me again by doing something fun and spontaneous? She still wants to hang out at the fair with me two weeks from now so idk maybe I can try to make her see me as how she did when we first met? like I wont make it seem like I am trying to win her back because that would push her away. Heck I am debating if I should try one last effort, or take the advice and let her go. Remove her off facebook, delete her number, remove her pictures, not even say happy birthday to her tomorrow. Hmm... What do you think? She did say she needs to miss me. But then again I am a guy who fights to stay in the relationship and makes whatever changes I can make to fix things, and if my ex just gave up on me like that without even trying? then idk. Maybe I should completely block her off my life for good. Maybe she will come back, maybe she wont. or would that be too much of an ass

Her feelings are gone. You can't change someone's feelings.

You can try to play games to get her back, but read the stories around here. People end up back here months later wishing they had gone no contact from the beginning to heal.

okay. Should I forget about the fair then and remove her from my life. She said she wants to be friends still but who knows. I always took care of her and loved her and this is what she does. I will remove her from my life. If she comes back begging for forgiveness should I give her a chance? that probobly depends all on me

Dammit guys this is such a hard decision to make. Its hard to just delete her and let her go. Dammit I dont want to ruin any chance of her coming back but at the same time I doubt she will... ughhh

Theres nothing to lose anymore man, shes gone.

Just delete her, remove yourself from her life and vice versa. Right now your attitude must be 'if she comes back good, if she doesnt, thats great!'

If you cling to her you're going to be actually killing any chances you have with her, it happened to me...

"Have I been smothering her too much since we have been together almost always?"

- It could be that.. a bit, but certainly is this...

>> " recently decided to break up with me, because she wants time and space to figure herself out. She wants to be single at the moment and figure out what she wants without the confusion of a relationship, but she needs a break because she never had the chance to be single. The reason why is because she started dating me one week after she left her ex (he was abusive and controlling), she still loves me but needs to miss me and needs to figure herself out alone because she is unhappy,"

- Then the best thing to do is respect her wishes. Let her have all the space & time she needs.

No guarantee she will come back, as is it was a 'rebound', those are painful, especially after running from one relationship into another.

Could be the fact that she wasn't ready emotionally or mentally for you.

Good for her to admit this and take some 'time out' for herself now to work on herself, etc.

Be respectful and give it time.

Just imo, whenever someone says "I need time to myself" usually there's someone else on their horizon that they want to be free *possibly temporarily* to pursue.

She wants to keep you around as a Plan B in case it doesn't work out with this other guy.

I wouldn't even attempt a *just friends* relationship as it won't be genuine on either end -- she'd be using it to keep you on the backburner and you'd be using it to try and get her back. Bad idea, all around.

Best for YOU and your healing to cut contact and disappear from her world -- and make her disappear from yours! That means block her everywhere, online and off. Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

Well, she wants to miss you yet she wants to be friends. How are these two different things going to work at the same time as each other? Basically, they're not - they're two of a whole bunch of cliches your girlfriend has given you in a break up speech. Analysing break up speeches is a complete waste of time because more often than not, they are an extremely Hallmarked version of the truth. "I need time to myself" "I still love you" "You can wait for me if you want" "I need to miss you" are all 'cushions' for the blow of basically telling someone 'I've fallen out of love with you and no longer want to be in this relationship'.

My advice is to take it for what it is. For whatever reason, this girl has ended a relationship with you. Take away the frilly words and that is what she has done. The relationship has ended, so I would advise NC - including birthday wishes and fair trips. If you want, a final message - I don't see any harm in that as long as you block her straight after so she is unable to reply. 'In order to heal, I can't remain friends with you - I need to move on myself, good luck and good bye' is all you need.

Been there, done that and got the T-shirt. She ain't coming back dude. What she's saying is 'I want to find myself' in English means actually 'I'm looking for someone else but not sure yet (probalbly got someone in mind but they din't know yet). Let me try and if I can't find someone you can have me back again.'

This sucks. dump her and move on. If she comes back can you trust her again? She'll just wait until there's fresh meat avaiable and crap on you again.