Dealing with resistance whilst trying to get back together.

I broke up with my partner of four years a year and a half ago. Due to the fact that our level of maturity differed so much. We wanted different things out of life, wanted different journeys. Having just graduated I was all about my career and wanted to focus on trying to be successful . He lacked ambition and so although it hurt I decided to walk away.

We had no contact both saw other people and had both really moved on.

Over the past year and a half I've done what I wanted to achieve and back in December we recently bumped into each other.

We exchanged numbers and decided to meet up.

After the catch up the chemistry was amazing. We spoke about the broke up and he said although he disliked me for walking away, it's the best thing I could of done. He's had time to find himself,he's matured and is in a great job.

Now I feel like we are more compatible than ever and could build such a good relationship that's better than ever.

The last 8 weeks we have been seeing each other, we decided to give it another shot. The feelings have come back so quickly. He's been doing all these lovely gestures like sending flowers and cakes to my work on my birthday.

Last week he drops a bomb that he thinks the 8 weeks have been amazing, he said he has strong feelings for me and has been really happy which is something he never really saw happening but he knows that he will not feel more than he does now or ever love me again. He has now decided that he is tired of trying and wants to call it a day. Naturally I cried, pleaded and told him it would change. Which I now know is wrong because I have pushed him further away. I love him so much and want us to be back together more than anything but now it just seems so unlikely because he is tired of trying.

I'm so confused because the time we have spent together has been really good, he's even agreed and even claims to have strong feelings for me. My heart is in pieces and I'm experiencing a combination of different emotions, do I walk away or keep fighting??

Hi Mara. I'm sorry this has happened but you have to listen to what he is saying. You can't fight a battle like this alone. If it isn't what he wants then he won't be fighting the same battle as you. He will be fighting to move on. You BOTH have to want this to make it work.

If he really isn't feeling what he should, then you have little choice but to accept that. If you try to push for anything you will end up pushing him further away. As sad as situations like this are, you have no choice but to walk away.

You both tried but it didn't work. I'm sorry.

I think it's likely that, as much as you're hurting now, he was hurting just as much back when you were the one to end it.

It's very hard to take someone back after they've hurt you so deeply. Although you might've had what you felt were valid reasons to justify the breakup -- concern over his lack of motivation -- it doesn't necessarily follow that he's ready to take you back and continue on together having now measured up to your standards.

I would take this as a life lesson.

At this point, I wouldn't say there's anything to "fight" for..... if you give yourself and him both some time without contact, it's possible he'll think better of it and reconsider, but you need to live your life as if this won't happen because usually it doesn't play out that way.

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

Thank you for your advice. He has since got in contact with me this morning and said he wants space to figure stuff out and will contact me once he has made up his mind. In the mean time I'm just going to make steps towards moving on

In the mean time I'm just going to make steps towards moving on

Yes, as hard as it is when waiting for an answer, you have to focus on where you actually are NOW and on what has already happened (ie. that the relationship has ended). Given what he has already said, it is unlikely that the situation will change …. but if anything is going to work, it will be allowing him the time and space to figure things out and even to miss you. Try not to focus on that though. Try to accept that it is over and on moving forwards. If he comes back great. If not ... well … at least you would have already made some steps in the right direction.

Thank you for the response. I think I had a hope that it would work out because he told his family that we working on out issues. So it became such a shock when he said he's happy with what we have but he doesn't feel he will have any more feelings that what he's developed in the last two months.

I could never regret walking away because we both have found ourself in the time apart . You're right I do need to move on and live my life as if nothing will happen with us.

Thanks again for the advice