We Slept With Other People

Hey guys first post here, I could use a little guidance.

Me and my girlfriend were together for over 2 years. Here's the story...

After our first year of dating we were fighting a lot. We are both head strong people and very argumentative. We are deeply in love though and have a lot of fun together. She is head over heels in love with me and I love her very much but she is my first girlfriend so I have always wondered what it would be like with someone else.

Anyways after that first year, I graduated college and did a Euro trip for a month. Before I left, we left things kind of in Limbo, where we weren't really broken up but not really together. During that time in Europe I slept with someone else during a stupid one night fling. When I came back from Europe, I couldn't tell her.

We got back together and everything was perfect but then I found out she had tried to sleep with someone else too when I was in Europe. We split up for good for about a month during the summer. It was the worst month of my life. I was very very depressed. I don't drink a lot and she was out partying and drinking heavily pretty much every night. After a month of me trying to win her back I finally told her I had to cut all contact with her and move on. After I said that, she called me the next day wanting to get back together saying she couldn't imagine her life without me. So we got back together for almost another year and everything was great until...

I found out she was having sex with someone else while we were on our official break up during the summer. This killed me. Literally killed me. I had gotten a BJ from some random girl during that time but it was a shallow empty thing I had done. She had slept with this guy several times. I had a feeling she had initially, so when we got back together I kept drilling her with questions but she always denied and denied. I then found out through her text that she had been sleeping with the guy 2 weeks after we broke up and he had a HUGE penis and was really good in bed. This guy had slept around with some girls she knew and pretty much only banged him because of his Apparently it was very thick and big and he was a great lover because he was very attentive to her in bed. To be honest I have only an average size penis so this kills me.

After finding this out I had to end things. I feel like I can never get that back. I feel violated. After interrogating her with questions she had admitted that the sex with him was physically better but not emotionally and his penis is much larger than mine. Like porn star status. I'm extremely upset she lied to me when I first asked her about him when we got back together. It sucks because we've been so good for the last year but after finding this out, I don't know if this can ever be fixed. She is absolutely in love with me and wants to get back together but I don't think I could ever get over this. Am I being stupid?

I really miss her and NEED YOUR HELP. Please give me some perspective on the situation. She really really wants me back and I just don't know if I ever can. I think most of you will say that I'm being stupid but please understand that I would have to live my life knowing she had sex with a huge penis, liked it and bragged to all her friends about it. I can't stop thinking about it and don't think I could ever be 100% in the relationship. Please help.

I can't tell you how to think or feel. If you can't be in a relationship with her due to her being with a better lover than you, then so be it. Move on.

I think you're being daft.

Some chick sucked you off. She had sex a few times with a dude that she knew would be a good lay. What of it? She wants you. You used to want her. Are you mad because she did better during the break than you did? Were you trying to keep score?

Hi Joe -

It sounds like you are going through an interesting situation, but I am going to give you my opinion based your story.

So I know that it hurts that she was with someone else, it really sucks and it is hard to think about her with anyone else. But here is the good news...she didn't cheat on you and you were broken up at the time. And regardless if it happened once....or a million times, you were still broken up. You had been physical with someone too during your break up so as far as that is concerned, it is really the same thing.

And correct me if I am wrong, but did this happen almost a year ago? I know it is probably news to you and it feels like it happened yesterday, but the fact of the matter is it happened awhile ago and you guys have been together every since...if she didn't want to be with you, she wouldn't. But she has been with you ever since and hasn't cheated on you (regardless of what this guy had in the bedroom).

Really the choice is yours...if you feel that you cannot get over this, it is going to have a negative impact on your relationship going forward, and you cannot be 100%, then move on. If you really love this girl, then move past this and be with her regardless of what happened when you weren't together. My opinion is love should be unconditional and it knows no bounds, but you do what is best for you Good luck!

So wait. You drilled her with questions about who she slept with while you were broken up but you never told her about who YOU slept with while you were kinda-sorta broken up? You get a blow job from a woman but are pissed she slept with another man? You looked through her texts to find out about the guy she slept with and are pissed because he has a bigger penis than you do? And you FORCED her to tell you all of this, knowing she didn't want to? And now you are making HER feel like she screwed things up by sleeping with someone else WHILE YOU WERE BROKEN UP even though you GOT A BLOW JOB from someone during the same time?

Seriously?

I think you are the one with the problem here. She is better off without you.

I'm not sure how old you two are, but I'm going to guess early 20s - mid 20s. Well, we rarely end up "forever" with who we were with during that time period and these are the years for exploring.

You also mention this is your first g/f. Maybe it's time to move on, or at least take a break for a couple of years and go find what else is out there.

Don't let the big penis and "great lover" thing bug you, it is all rumour and hearsay and girl talk (and possibly justification).

If I were in your shoes, I'd walk away from this mess. Lots of other girls out there.

So wait. You drilled her with questions about who she slept with while you were broken up but you never told her about who YOU slept with while you were kinda-sorta broken up? You get a blow job from a woman but are pissed she slept with another man? You looked through her texts to find out about the guy she slept with and are pissed because he has a bigger penis than you do? And you FORCED her to tell you all of this, knowing she didn't want to? And now you are making HER feel like she screwed things up by sleeping with someone else WHILE YOU WERE BROKEN UP even though you GOT A BLOW JOB from someone during the same time?

 

Seriously?

 

I think you are the one with the problem here. She is better off without you.

This. You drilled for answers to questions you knew you couldn't emotionally handle the answers to. This screams insecurity and its best that you not move on with her.

Same story we've seen here often.

Boy and girl break up. Get back together but boy finds out that girl had sex during that period. Boy cannot handle it and comes running to ENA for advice.

Guys, if you want to make sure your woman doesn't have sex with someone else, then DON'T BREAK UP WITH HER! Try making a commitment instead.

Anyhow, let's imagine that the situation is reversed. Sometimes it is hard to see things in yourself. Much easier to examine things in other people:

During the break-up, you had a fling with some extremely hot chick who gave amazing blow-jobs and had really large breasts. She was a great lover and you bragged to all your friends because she was so hot. You did not have feelings for this girl but you enjoyed the new experiences. Your current girlfriend has small breasts. During the break-up, she let some guy go down on her but that was all.

When you wanted to get back together, she drilled you about your activities. You lied because you did not want to hurt her. She checked your phone and found out the truth. She is totally insecure and no matter how much you try to assure her that you're in love with her and want to be with her, she cannot get over this. Everything happened while you were totally broken up.

How would you feel about the situation then? Would you think she should be able to get over it?

I think the bigger lesson here is the farther you go in life and the more relationships you have, the more sexually experienced your partners are going to be. Don't drive yourself insane trying to live up to "how good" others were. Instead, learn to be "the best sex they ever had". That's what I did

You two weren't together. You were broken up. She was free to do whoever/whatever she wanted.

You feel violated, but you let some random girl blow you at the same time. That's rich. And your biggest complaint is that the guy was hung better than you.

sucking... screwing... you both made your private bits available to someone other than each other. Neither of you is innocent or better than the other.

If you can't let it go, then leave her alone. Nothing she can say or do is going to spin the earth backwards to the moment before she chose to have sex with the guy. If you can't accept the past and how it played out while you two were not involved with one another, then you're going to have problems for the foreseeable future. When you break up with someone, you cease to put their feelings and concerns first. That's how that works.

If you can't be 100% in the relationship, then stop all this foolishness.

Before I left, we left things kind of in Limbo, where we weren't really broken up but not really together. During that time in Europe I slept with someone else during a stupid one night fling. When I came back from Europe, I couldn't tell her.

 

I found out she was having sex with someone else while we were on our official break up during the summer. This killed me. Literally killed me. I had gotten a BJ from some random girl during that time but it was a shallow empty thing I had done. She had slept with this guy several times.

In essence, you both did some really stupid things that ruined your relationship. And you hold EQUAL blame. You need to stop absolving your stupidity while holding her responsible for hers. You CHEATED on her and never told her while in Europe. You seem to dismiss this like it was nothing. She slept with someone else while you were on a break where you also had some action. To me this whole 'but it was a shallow empty thing I had done' sounds like the pot calling the kettle black. However, if you think that you could never be 100% in the relationship, you have pretty much answered your question. Break up for good, learn from this mess so as not to repeat the same mistakes and move on. And tell her about what went on in Europe so that EVERYTHING is in the open, not just HER 'failings'. Then you can communicate on an even base.

Hey thanks everyone, I really appreciate everyone's advice and guidance more than you know. After reading the comments I do feel 100% better. I do realize this is an immature situation.

I was never going for who is right and who is wrong, but more of guidance on how I can get over it. Some of you have answered that and I am very grateful. Thanks again everyone, and hope to talk to you soon in the near future!