Needing advice

Hello everybody,

This is my first post on this site. I'm not sure whether I'm here to vent, or seek advice but I suppose it's a bit of both. I'm 25 and a female in case anyone is wondering.

My recent ex and I had been broken up for roughly 4 months or so. During those 4 months we still talked, still saw each other (once in a while, maybe a couple times a month), still acted like we were together and tried to work things out. I had problems of my own and so did he. He wanted me to change some things that I did which made him uncomfortable, which I did because I wanted to be with him. I did so bad. I had some things I wanted him to change as well, which for some reason he couldn't seem to do. I wanted to see him more, I wanted him to communicate with me a little more. It just appeared as though he didn't care to communicate with me. He used to make it a point to call me before he went to bed, and I would call him as well. Suddenly he began just "falling asleep." As if he became narcoleptic or something (he's not). He never would answer if I called to say good night, he wouldn't call much at all. Sometimes we wouldn't talk for days. Although he was still capable of texting me, I wanted to at least hear his voice. I would understand him being busy if he had a job or went to school but, he doesn't. He has a ton of free time. And what I keep thinking is, it takes 5 minutes to say good night to someone on the phone.

Well, I guess it started to appear to me as if he grew apart from me. And I want what's best for myself, plus I'm really focused on school, and this is emotionally draining me to the point of not being able to study well. I felt as though I couldn't keep forcing him to want to be with me, and that's exactly how it felt to me. I felt I was forcing him to want to be with me, and it's something he has to decide for himself. It seems his actions are very clear, and that he is no longer interested in me, correct me if I'm wrong. I decided to tell him I couldn't keep doing it anymore, because of how I felt, I figured it would be best for him. Why force someone to care about you?

The next day he had texted me in the evening with an arrogant message of sorts. He said he had been waiting "all day" to see if I would say something to him other than "telling him off" the other day, but clearly I wasn't. I never was rude to him when I told him how I felt, I was expressing my feelings and thoughts. If I had said anything mean, I would have apologized for it. But I never would do that, ever. It seemed to me as if he was just trying to get a rise out of me, trying to keep himself in my life preventing me from moving on. I told him I was going to leave him alone, because I have grown tired in expressing how I feel about this situation to him. He continually puts blame on me. When really, I'm doing what I think is best for both people.

I want to move on from him, I really do, but he tends to pull me back in after not talking to me for a long time. I'm standing by my decision, but, what do I do if he does try to contact me again? I haven't heard from him since Monday, but I know him, and I know he's going to try and contact me again. I'm pretty broken up by this. And if he doesn't care about me (as it seems), why would he still try and talk to me? It makes no sense. And it is draining me. Any sort of help would be nice, any insight at all. Thank you guys.

Did you at least have a decent talk with him about what he wants? Seems to me he was doing exactly what you said: withdrawing. Good for you that you put an end to things (I admire your decision, really!). I have little explanation for your ex to act the way he does, other than his ego is bruised and he would like to get back at you for it. You can ask him what it is that he wants and if he doesnt want the relationship any longer then to leave you alone.

I have a few times, because this has been going on for a while now. He told me he wanted to be with me, and didn't want me out of his life, so I stayed around but saw no improvement still which is why I decided to end it. I currently have no idea what he wants, considering his actions speak louder than his words. I want to ask him what to do, but he's so hostile. He has an attitude all the time, he constantly puts me down. For these reasons, I haven't and will not contact him unless he contacts me. I think he needs time to think about what he really wants, and if he cannot change the things I want changed, then I can't keep dealing with it. The unfortunate part here is I still have some of his things, and he's supposed to pick them up (he still hasn't stated when he's doing that either). It seems like he enjoys toying with my emotions, almost sociopathic behavior. He is going through a lot, which could explain why he acts the way he does but I really can't stick around for it anymore. I don't know what to do, I feel like a punching bag.