Is my boyfriend controlling?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months. On the second night of us hanging out (we had never been friends prior to this), he told me that he could see me being his girlfriend, which pretty much meant he wanted us to be boyfriend/girlfriend. He also told me that he sees this as a serious relationship. He treats me really well -- he has cooked me dinner, sent my mom a giftcard for her birthday, took care of me when I was sick, etc. Thoughts about breaking up with him has crossed my mind several times and I've been having dreams of other guys lately.

Please keep in mind that I am in Houston visiting my mom for the Summer and he's back at home. I know that he's been with a lot of girls and he told me that he cheated on one of them and one of them cheated on him.He wouldn't tell me how many sex partners exactly as he was afraid to "ruin his image". He only told me how many serious girlfriends that he's had, which were 3.

Here are several examples of his behavior that I think may be "controlling":

- He asked me how I felt about moving in with him after a month of dating.

- I spoke to him about how he should wear a condom even while I'm on the pill. He refused to, telling me that all his friends he consulted said it was a "dumb" idea (of course, friends will oftentimes be biased) and that he didn't wear a condom at all in the past years and nothing happened.

- He ended up getting cold feet about the whole moving-in issue and didn't want to talk to me on the phone when I wanted to talk about it. Seems like he doesn't like to make compromises.

- I spoke to him about how he was blunt (he's blunt towards everybody) and how that hurts my feelings. I told him that I was sensitive and that I was willing to work on it as long as he was willing to work how he says things towards me and that we needed a middle ground in order for this relationship to work. He told me, "I'm not saying this to be mean but that's really just the way I am. I'm not willing to change because I'm perfectly happy and proud of who I am and you not telling me to change is not going to make me want to change at all."

- Everytime I am texting someone when I'm around him, he asks me who I am texting.

- I'm sure there is more to the list.. I just can't remember right now. I'll post it in the thread if I remember.

Sometimes I feel like I want to give this relationship a chance and see if things.. get better and he treats me well when looking at the relationship as a whole. But at the same time I want to leave because I feel like things are possibly going to get worse later on down the road/isn't going to work out.

So, please tell me, do you think these are signs that my boyfriend is controlling or can be? Can you provide any experiences or signs when a boyfriend/girlfriend is being controlling? Thank you so much.

I don't think he is controlling as much as he's a bad boyfriend with little regard for your feelings.

I feel like that too, however, what confuses is me that he'll sit on the phone with me while I'm crying and try to get me to tell him what's wrong, or when I'm bothered about something and tell him that I want to talk to him he wants to talk about it right away. It's like he cares, but he doesn't really care.

Please explain to him that condoms are not just to prevent pregnancy. If he's been with so many people that he won't tell you how many, I really hope you would not let him have sex with you minus a condom.

Overall, it doesn't sound like that great of a relationship. He seems to have dictated the pace of it- telling you that he sees it as serious, etc., and you just went along with it. You barely knew each other and still don't know each other that well.

Any person who says, I am who I am and will never change, is arrogant and selfish, but they are also telling you the cold, hard truth. Listen to that truth. He's not going to stop hurting your feelings because he's proud of doing it. He's proud of being "honest" and wears it as a badge of honor. This way he can say whatever the heck he wants without worrying about other's people's feelings because honesty should be valued above all else, right? Wrong. All relationships require compromise. You are willing to compromise, he is not.

I would offer this advice, don't do all the compromising. You'll wind up twisting and turning so much to meet his personality that you won't have one of your own any more.

Hi guys, thank you for your insight. I am definitely thinking things through right now.

No, he does not appear to be controlling based on what you posted.

I wouldn't say that he's controlling based on your thread. However, it does sound as though he is not as invested in the relationship as you are.

I would say that he's more selfish than anything else. It's as though he wants things his way all the time, and refuses to budge.

Honestly, you have to ask yourself if this is truly the relationship that you want.

About the whole condom thing, I can understand. He doesn't like wearing condoms because he doesn't feel anything and I don't get wet (or I get dry half-way). The blunt thing still irks me and I don't know if the way I put it just made him be defensive, but I don't think it should have been that way.

About the whole condom thing, I can understand. He doesn't like wearing condoms because he doesn't feel anything and I don't get wet (or I get dry half-way). The blunt thing still irks me and I don't know if the way I put it just made him be defensive, but I don't think it should have been that way.

I understand that you're on the pill, but since he refused to tell you how many partners he's had, why would you agree to have sex with him without protection? You're playing a dangerous game of Russian roulette.

If you're having doubts this early on, I would seriously re-think this relationship.

I honestly don't know why I chose to have unprotected sex with him. Maybe it was because I trusted him and there wasn't anything going on down there with him and I was naive. I don't think it's good that I'm already having doubts either. And my gut feeling is telling me to leave 'cause I'm not happy.