sven86 Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 What's the point of trying to find a girlfriend? No woman wants me. I am considered boring, not-attractive, broke. Basically I have nothing to offer to women. And please spare me with the "you'll find somebody" crap, there is no women out there for me, period. I'm especially directing it at your women out there who loves saying that.. And don't tell me to go to the gym. I tried it and I don't like it. And don't tell me to get confidence without telling me how to. And don't tell me everything will be fine, because it isn't. And don't tell me to be positive, because it hasn't helped. Link to comment
SA_Guy99 Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 You've answered all the questions yourself. You don't want to have success. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Forget about women for a second. Who do you want to be? In what ways are you not meeting your own standards? Link to comment
PaleSeptember Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 If you even want to have a good girlfriend, you'll definitely never get one with this point of view and attitude. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that. It's very unattractive. Link to comment
cazmoore Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 You're right. With how you think, what is the point? With your attitude, you definitely won't string in any ladies. Insecurity is a horrible trait. How you think, and your negative attitude is your choice. We all make choices. Yours is to be miserable, negative,. No-one can come on here and tell you what to do. My best friend feels the same way. She sits alone in her apartment, ordering pizza after pizza, eating herself into obesity, feeling sorry for her self. "I'll never meet a guy". Yeah, she's right. She won't. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 With your attitude would you want yourself? You have to understand women can sense that. Negativity breeds negativity my friend. Link to comment
PaleSeptember Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Sven86, I do know where you're coming from. And I could say I was like cazmoore's friend for several years, and sometimes slip back into that behavior. But you know what? It took a while, but I decided I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself anymore and would empower myself instead, and that was a start. For the first time it clicked in my brain, I'm responsible for myself. The decision that I had to start being responsible for myself is what got me going. I'm nowhere where I want to be yet, but that's ok, I'm moving instead of forever standing still. Link to comment
easyguy Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 What's the point of trying to find a girlfriend? No woman wants me. I am considered boring, not-attractive, broke. Basically I have nothing to offer to women. And please spare me with the "you'll find somebody" crap, there is no women out there for me, period. I'm especially directing it at your women out there who loves saying that.. And don't tell me to go to the gym. I tried it and I don't like it. And don't tell me to get confidence without telling me how to. And don't tell me everything will be fine, because it isn't. And don't tell me to be positive, because it hasn't helped. I'm sorry that you are suffering. The most important thing is to not give up or become jaded. People who become jaded about relationships will never learn from their habits with relating to themselves , and their perception of relationships. If you want something to offer , you have to actually live. The more that excites you in life - women aside - the more you will have to offer towards friendships , relationships , partnerships , what have you. If , for some reason , you feel your life has become mundane , it's your responsibility to replenish it. No one will do it for you , unfortunately. It is part of growing up , emotionally and spiritually. So , gyms don't get you hyped. Don't put yourself into a controlled fitness environment if fitness is not important to you. In fact , don't try to meet women in places that aren't important to you. Don't go to bookstores if you don't like reading , because most people who browse through books at bookstores actually enjoy reading and probably enjoy meeting people who share that interest. You know what you have to do in order to be happy. Looks and image are not everything. A negative attitude is an extremely unattractive characteristic to radiate , an can make a physically attractive person unattractive. Yet , it can make a physically unattractive person attractive. If physical attraction is an issue for you , change some things about yourself in order to feel better. Try a different hairstyle , perhaps. Get some new clothes. Break out of the same old same old routine and establish new habits. There's not much that anyone can help you with if you live with a defeatist mentality. Rejection is a fact of life. You will be rejected far more times than you will be accepted. Without that acceptance of that reality , your spirits will be sabotaged and you will close yourself off from the world. Always , always return to your own sense of independence. Not just for your own sake , but for the sake of anyone who might walk into relationship territory with you. If it is shyness that is hindering you from participating to the degree that you desire , then you have to practice being social. Don't take huge strides. Take baby steps. If you go out to eat or get coffee every now and then , invite a friend along so you can socialize. If you are at a store or any public place , say "Hey , how are you doing?" with a smile to an employee. It's unrealistic to break out and exhibit unshy behavior in a short amount of time. Becoming less shy is the process of understanding your strengths and weaknesses , practicing being social , and accepting rejection for what it is. Don't be passive. Speak clearly and assertively. Smile. Shyness is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone is shy to some extent , but in order to grow as a person , fears must be arm-wrestled. Sometimes are the weak hand , sometimes you are the strong hand. But if you keep at it , you will build muscle and eventually have dominance over the demons of your mind that interfere with proactively and effortlessly being you. When you are single , you have all these opportunities to nourish and grow as an individual , so that when you do enter a relationship , you come from a place of strength. It's the time to step up. When you are in a relationship , you don't live entirely in your own head. You have someone else to consider. Better capitalize on your opportunities the world gives to you sooner rather than later , expecting something grand to happen later on , next month , next year , what have you. Link to comment
Whatsthepoint1607308354 Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 What's the point of trying to find a girlfriend? No woman wants me. I am considered boring, not-attractive, broke. Basically I have nothing to offer to women. And please spare me with the "you'll find somebody" crap, there is no women out there for me, period. I'm especially directing it at your women out there who loves saying that.. And don't tell me to go to the gym. I tried it and I don't like it. And don't tell me to get confidence without telling me how to. And don't tell me everything will be fine, because it isn't. And don't tell me to be positive, because it hasn't helped. Ok Sven, you hit the nail right on the head. RIGHT NOW you have nothing to offer women. They want money, security, confidence, good looking, hot, slightly bad-boy, a future and so on. So let's not lie you have nothing to offer, RIGHT NOW. "you'll find someone" is crap. Not everyone does, let's be real. You hate sports, got it. I won't tell you to have confidence because you can't fake it. Same is true of happiness, if you are happy you are happy and right now you are NOT happy so don't try to be. You can't be positive when you don't see anything positive in your life. You can't have hope when there is nothing to have hope in. You can't be happy if there is no joy in your life. BUT YOU ARE HERE! YOU WANT HELP. YOU HAVE NOT GIVEN UP, YOU HAVE CRIED OUT FOR HELP. Ok, right now you have nothing they want, but who are you? How are you good? Build on that. OK you are not an athlete, if you are a chess or gamer guy, get into the circles where those are positive traits. The key to success is living in the environment where you thrive. There is a reason fish live in water. Go where you fit in. I am where you are now man. I am bloody miserable. Look at my name, it is the same as your thread. Difference I KNOW I am in the wrong place so I am depressed. You don't apparently know that. So go where your personal strengths lay and build your confidence on that which you do well. There ARE people out there who share your intrests. Meet them. Talk to them and maybe they can introduce you to other people. NOW we are changing your view and attitude and boom! Now there is a reason for hope. You have not given up because you are here calling for help. I hope my advice helps. Link to comment
cant lose Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 I won't tell you to have confidence because you can't fake it. Same is true of happiness, if you are happy you are happy and right now you are NOT happy so don't try to be. I think the majority of your post was wonderful but I'd like to say something about the quoted statements. To the OP, it is in fact possible to fake confidence. If that is the ONLY thing you can do to build it, it WORKS. Trust me, because I've been doing it for quite some time, and I'm nowhere as self-conscious as I was before. Faking it will slowly turn into reality because your brain starts to catch up with it and soon enough, real confidence begins to surface. About the being happy thing, it's actually quite simple to be. We all have problems, I'm sure you know that. But there's ALWAYS something positive in life (unless you're starving to death, which you're not). And it's as simple as DECIDING to be happy. Changing your perspective works like a charm. I used to be VERY negative, but I picked up on it because I started noticing people's reactions to it. How did I change? Simply decided to be positive and see everything differently. It's not hard, you have to believe it. Now onto the real problem, if you work on yourself first, on shaping yourself into a well-rounded person, things like "no woman wants me" start to not even matter anymore. Instead of thinking "aw man, I'm so miserable because no one wants me", think "I'm happy because I don't NEED anyone". That can be achieved! And I believe you can do it! But you've got to believe in yourself first. And then you'll see who all the women will flock to. Link to comment
GernBlanston Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Now onto the real problem, if you work on yourself first, on shaping yourself into a well-rounded person, things like "no woman wants me" start to not even matter anymore. Instead of thinking "aw man, I'm so miserable because no one wants me", think "I'm happy because I don't NEED anyone". That can be achieved! And I believe you can do it! That was well said. OP - you're in pain. You're angry and bitter. On the one hand, that's a fairly natural attitude in his situation - a situation I'm pretty familiar with. On the other, all the anger and bitterness is exacerbating the pain. I think giving up is a perfectly valid option. The idea that there might be a way for you to find love is torturing you and consuming your thoughts. You haven't given up yet. If there's no possibility, then you don't need to focus so much attention on the problem. You don't need to be bitter and angry. It's nobody's fault. There's nobody to be bitter and angry towards. There's nobody to blame - not even yourself. And then you'll see who all the women will flock to. Well, they might. Then again, they might not. It won't matter. You won't need that in your life. Don't see this as some kind of trick to get women to like you after all. Will you still be lonely? Probably. Can you be lonely and happy? I'd like to think cant lose is right. This is what I'm aiming for. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Sometimes there's a hidden message behind why things happen the way in which they do. Perhaps you could be embarking upon something that you wouldn't have even guessed. I'm not suggesting as in a relationship, but as in other areas of your life that could improve. Link to comment
Happiest26 Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 From what I've learned from this forum is, you're all kids. Suck it up and enjoy life. I'd be so happy with a hug. You'll get to that someday. Enjoy your youth while you can!!! Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted September 6, 2010 Share Posted September 6, 2010 Sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe you haven't met someone yet, because you had to get your life in order in order to meet that special someone? Or maybe God had other plans for you? Bottom line is, love comes at all different times, there is no race. The fool looks in the mirror and says, "I'm getting too old to find love," the wise man looks in the mirror and says, "I'm getting mature enough now to find love." Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 i used to think like the OP. wanna know what's fun? not giving a damn. i'm having 86% more fun and am 79% less depressed. Link to comment
Philos Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 My prospects of finding a girl are shyte now. I still have to live though. I gotta concentrate on living, and then try to find a girl when the opportunity throws itself at me. Link to comment
drained Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 I learned a very important lesson coming out of my two past dysfunctional relationships and unhappily single for several years before that is if you're not ok with you, you are either not going to attract a woman or attract the unhealthy ones. It all comes from within and until you work on that, you will continue to travel down this road. I am just now working on myself with a therapist after breaking up with a pretty mentally unstable woman and I'm starting to find out who I am and see the light at the end of a long tunnel. Best of luck. Link to comment
AuthenticAuthor Posted September 11, 2010 Share Posted September 11, 2010 I'm okay with myself, and still have not found the right one. The truth is that nothing is certain when it comes to relationships, and that no one has a right to them as much as we may desire otherwise. If you're confidant about yourself, you're going to be fine with or without that special someone. if you're hopelessly dependent on being accepted by flawed human beings like yourself, then you're going to get into a world of hurt. Link to comment
generaldiscord Posted September 11, 2010 Share Posted September 11, 2010 Hey, that's a long list of things I'm not supposed to say. But I still have one! If you're willing to settle for any woman, then surely there are some women who will settle for any man. Yeah, she'll be kind of illogical, and she won't truly love you until she's gotten used to you, but that's what you get if you're not willing to put in the effort to self improvement. Hey, at least you get something. Link to comment
Buckofama Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Never let a woman be your means of happiness they will only let you down live for you do what makes you happy being with somebody isn't what it's all cracked up to be I used to be like you obsessed with finding the one and treating her like a queen well I learned real quick life isn't a fairy tale be happy with yourself Link to comment
DeathByPacman Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Uh, I relate to you and stuff. Some of us are just, like, not as good as others. My friend calls us "noose-necks". Because of suicide. I really believe you are what you is, and no amount of work will change you significantly. So, um... My advice is to accept your place. You can keep trying, but always remember the world is unfair. Others will easily get what you most desire, while you struggle your hardest and achieve nothing. So, uh... try not to take things so seriously and stuff. Look on the bright side: at least we get to die someday. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Women want a hot guy with full hair and giant paychecks... They all give lines that its the inside that matters but that's a load of crap. You don't see a successfull man with a fat chick and you don't see a hot woman with a broke fat guy. Its all about looks and money now a days... Its plastered everywhere... Sex sex sex .... Online dating? Forget it... "The paradox of choice" there's always greener grass! Studies show that now a days, women are now the more superficial of the genders.... And they are the ones most likely to cheat and have affairs. Your on the right track buddy. No woman no problems.... Marriages happen overnight.... Divorces even quicker..... Men and women jump in and out of relationships in a matter of minutes.... Only thing a woman can give you that's worth a damn is a wet hole.... And with all the drugs they take now a days for depression, birth control,and anything else they can think of to improve there superficial self images, most can't even get wet now a days without help. Keep your attitude.... Women are stuck up, superficial self untitled lazy tramps that only think of what's best for themselves.... *steps off soapbox* Link to comment
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