No word after fourth date. What to do?

Me again. I've been on a few dates with this one guy, and the last one was two weeks ago. I haven't heard from him since. Sure, after our first date, we didn't have another one for over 2 weeks, but at least we talked online during that time, and the next three dates happened in rapid succession. But in the last two weeks we haven't been online at the same time, and I've been incredibly busy and haven't had time for idle chitchat anyway. I know he wasn't here last weekend -- or so he told me on our last date -- so maybe that's the reason why, and I'm wondering if it's worth it to contact him and see if he's up to anything this weekend or during the week.

The last thing I heard from him was a text message that said "Thanks, catch ya later" right after I left his place after our last date (he texted me saying that I forgot something, but it was a hospitality gift, so I told him to keep it, and that was his reponse.) I'm not an experienced dater. Maybe two weeks is normal when two busy people are just getting to know each other. Of course, my gut reaction is that he's not into me -- maybe I went too far on the fourth date? Maybe I just really suck? But I still think I should maybe drop him a line.

I don't want to be clingy and overdramatic. How do I phrase things in order to maximize the chances of a response?

You're fine! Did you sleep with him on the 4th date (please don't answer if that's too personal but it might affect my answer)

We did not have sex, although things got quite intense and many clothing items came off. And we were both perfectly sober, so whatever we did was a conscious decision on our part.

Gotcha. the fourth date often is a time when things fizzle - just do distracting things and if possible try to meet someone else, maybe online who wants to meet in person, to keep your mind off him. ball should be in his court.

IMHO, after 4 dates, 2 weeks of NC means he isn't interested. I've done it, not nice but it's the easy way out. If I'm interested in someone I'll at the very least send an e-mail to say "HI"...

Of course I fully expect Batya to despute my theory...

Yeah, I hate being in these types of situation because you NEVER KNOW what the reason could be, even if it is a strong possibility that the person isn't interested. If the person isn't interested i rather be told then to not have the person contact me again. It just seems more respectful and mature to let someone know that you're not interested then to abruptly cut them off. I think you should move on and not spend your day stressing over someone who obviously isn't stressing over you. It hurts, yes, but that's how it is nowadays!

^

I think mo'Nique just told me I was disrespectful and immature...

My bad, Camper, I'm sure you had your reasons! Sometimes the person is just shy, nervous, scared or what have you. I'm sure you meant well!

^ LoL...no, no, no.... you are absolutely right. A woman did that to me and I ranted on and on about it! Then when I had to tell someone the truth, I chickened out! It's not very nice at all..

I hate to say it but it looks like he isn't interested any longer. Dating is like a catch-22. I know it's cliche but you either sleep with them on the first date and hook them for long term or you don't and you still can't hook them.

My suggestion is don't spend your time chasing down someone who obviously knows your number or how to get a hold of you for future dates. Let him do the chasing and when it comes down to him calling you again, if you still feel like it, go out with him. If not, you would have had the last say.

In the meantime, go out and have fun. He isn't the only man on earth.

^ Not true...

Even though I am just as guilty, if a woman sleeps with me on the first date, I look at it as a BIG RED FLAG!

^ Re-read the last sentence from my first paragraph again paying particularly close attention to the last few words.

Regardless of why the guy stopped calling, it still leaves you thinking that YOU did something. Women get emotionally attached quickly, moreso than men, which leads to the questioning and self-blaming when the guy doesn't call back. In their minds they may feel it was a short hook up and wants to move on with no strings attached, so they don't call. Of course this may not be the case, but it could be a possibility.

^ Re-read the last sentence from my first paragraph again paying particularly close attention to the last few words.

But I was intimating that if a woman doesn't sleep with me on the first date, that will probably hook me (if I like her)

IMHO, after 4 dates, 2 weeks of NC means he isn't interested. I've done it, not nice but it's the easy way out. If I'm interested in someone I'll at the very least send an e-mail to say "HI"...

 

Of course I fully expect Batya to despute my theory...

 

I agree completely - just figured leave the ball in his court and if he's interested- if - he'll call

 

 

Yeah' date=' I hate being in these types of situation because you NEVER KNOW what the reason could be, even if it is a strong possibility that the person isn't interested. If the person isn't interested i rather be told then to not have the person contact me again. It just seems more respectful and mature to let someone know that you're not interested then to abruptly cut them off. I think you should move on and not spend your day stressing over someone who obviously isn't stressing over you. It hurts, yes, but that's how it is nowadays![/quote']

 

If I've gone out with someone four times, yes I kind of expect a call but if it's less there is no way I want to hear the presumptuous "I don't want to see you again because we're not a match" or "I have no time for a relationship [with you]"

 

Silence is sufficient closure and sufficiently polite after the first few dates.

But I was intimating that if a woman doesn't sleep with me on the first date, that will probably hook me (if I like her)

But men are sexual creatures, if they can score on the first date, they are the man. If they can't, they think they are less of a man. But unfortunately, not too many men think the way you do.

That's why you're damned if you do, you're still damned if you don't.

Being a sexual creature does not mean that the man wants to score on the first date. The two are not necessarily linked. some people despite being sexual creatures also consider the long term and whether quick sex might have a negative effect on getting to know each other as people.

BTW Batya, I wasn't being sarcastic about you disputing me...because you usually do, and that's a good thing - keeps me on my toes

Regardless of why the guy stopped calling' date=' it still leaves you thinking that YOU did something. Women get emotionally attached quickly, moreso than men, which leads to the questioning and self-blaming when the guy doesn't call back. In their minds they may feel it was a short hook up and wants to move on with no strings attached, so they don't call. Of course this may not be the case, but it could be a possibility.[/quote']

 

That's very true. Most often times, women don't know when to say goodbye whereas men don't know how to say goodbye. For some men, it's just easier for them to drop off the face of the earth than to have to reject someone. And for that I'd just like women (me including) who have been victims of men disappearing on them to know that it's not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. You don't have to be responsible for his unresponsiveness. He knows how to get a hold of you if he's interested.

I felt more rejected when I received the long psychobabble email about how we weren't connecting but how wonderful I was (after one date).

Being a sexual creature does not mean that the man wants to score on the first date. The two are not necessarily linked. some people despite being sexual creatures also consider the long term and whether quick sex might have a negative effect on getting to know each other as people.

Believe me most men project this "if she sleeps with me on the first date, I lose all respect for her" attitude but if they can, it's to their advantage. If a woman let them sleep with her on the first date, they will not refuse, 99.9% of the time.

But you are right somewhat, despite being a sexual creature, if a man is in it for the long term, he will not initiate or succumb to any sexual advances.

I felt more rejected when I received the long psychobabble email about how we weren't connecting but how wonderful I was (after one date).

You got to give him credit for mustering the nerve though.

I felt more rejected when I received the long psychobabble email about how we weren't connecting but how wonderful I was (after one date).

LoL, I get that one too: "You're a wonderful man and you are going to make some woman very, very happy one day, but I'm just not ready for a relationship right now..."

Of course this would usually come from a woman whose profile said "I am looking for a long term relationship"!!!!

Nope - often I found it arrogant/self-serving - especially since it was by e-mail.