Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34
  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Age
    45
    Posts
    189
    Gender
    Female

    how to tell a child his father isnt his father

    How do you begin to tell a child that the father he always thought was his, isn't. Just recently I notified his real father that he is a father. Kind of long story but look for my other post it will give you more of a idea on whats going on. No my husband who has raised my child along with our other 2 has no idea that the son he has raised isnt his either. its under finding love and soulmates. Anyone ever face this, the boy is 12 yrs old.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    8,320
    Gender
    Male
    Oh God...that is an enormous issue and I really do not think that anyone on these forums will have the qualifications to give you the correct advice (especially sight unseen) and you really need the correct advice.

    The best thing I think anyone can tell you is to consult long and hard with a child phsychiatrist and a counselling professional. you have 2 things to handle here, your sons welfare and your husbands. This is not something to step into lightly.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member AwdreeHpburn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tiffany's
    Age
    41
    Posts
    4,440
    Gender
    Female
    I suggest a family counselor. They'll help you thru this together.
    What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Age
    45
    Posts
    189
    Gender
    Female
    believe me i know. It has been a hard decision to even tell my friend that we created a child 13 yrs ago. Dont get me wrong. I told him i was pregnant when i found out. But he assumed it was my husbands since he withdrew and i was on the pill. I never corrected him. It has gotten harder and harder as time has gone by because my son looks so much like his father its scarry. If he had black curly hair he would be his fathers double. I have no clue how my husband never figured it out either. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the child doesn't look like him.

    So you know my friend lives over 200 miles away so its not like he has seen our child much. We talked alot on the phone but other then that. It's been 10 yrs since we saw each other in person. People ask me how im so certain that hes not my husbands without a paternity test. All i can say is, to put their pictures next to each other. You would think my son was his father as a child.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    kitteh ville
    Age
    38
    Posts
    12,785
    Gender
    Female
    Are you planning to tell your husband that this boy isn't his biological son?

    It seems that telling the biological father now after your husband has been raising this child as his own with no knowledge that he is not his biological son, is incredibly selfish and has the potential to destroy your family.

    What do you plan to do?
    Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :) AND a beautiful baby boy born 6-14-11. :)

    Baby # 2 forever missed lost 6-3-10.

    "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
    ~author unknown

    "Victory is sweetest when you have known defeat"
    ~ Malcolm Forbes

  7. #6

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Age
    45
    Posts
    189
    Gender
    Female
    I do plan to tell my husband but what makes it complicated is he has been physically violent in the past. I am absolutely terrified of what he would do when he finds out.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    8,320
    Gender
    Male
    It seems that telling the biological father now after your husband has been raising this child as his own with no knowledge that he is not his biological son, is incredibly selfish and has the potential to destroy your family.
    Yes I agree to an extent. I think you have to get your priorities right here. This is not about your ex at the moment, after all trhat has happened he is incidental to the issue and in fact any hint that you have concerns about his role and feelings may increase the impact on your husband and son.

    This is about your husband and son. Concentrate on that issue. Not your ex.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    8,320
    Gender
    Male
    I do plan to tell my husband but what makes it complicated is he has been physically violent in the past. I am absolutely terrified of what he would do when he finds out.
    You seriously need to get some professional assistance and advice.
    Last edited by melrich; 04-19-2006 at 07:22 PM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member AwdreeHpburn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Tiffany's
    Age
    41
    Posts
    4,440
    Gender
    Female
    Go to a family counselor, all of you together. Or maybe you should remove yourself and your son from the threat of violence and seek help.
    What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    kitteh ville
    Age
    38
    Posts
    12,785
    Gender
    Female
    This gets more and more complicated the more you reveal.

    How has he been abusive? Does he harm you or the children?

    Do you feel unsafe in your home with him?
    Mama to a beautiful baby girl born 6-25-09. :) AND a beautiful baby boy born 6-14-11. :)

    Baby # 2 forever missed lost 6-3-10.

    "An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
    Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
    ~author unknown

    "Victory is sweetest when you have known defeat"
    ~ Malcolm Forbes

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Related Articles & Books
by Margarita Nahapetyan
For the new generation of children social networking websites such as Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are among the most common activities and, in ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Adult men who had their parents divorced before they turned 18 are at a significantly higher risk of suffering a stroke when compared to men whose ...
by David B. Van Heemst
Based on the latest research and his personal experience as the father of five daughters, author David B. Van Heemst details what a father must do in ...
 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Expert Advice

Online
Call
$1.95/minute
Parenting is one of the best adventures to learn about ourselves, grow and heal while shaping the present and future of another unique human being.
Online
Chat
$3.49/minute
Having questions or difficulties with your child? Working with your own kids can be tough, and an outside professional perspective can ensure you are doing the right thing.
Online
Chat
$1.75/minute
As a parent myself I know what it feels like to have your heart walking around outside of your body. The struggles, joys, fears and all the other emotions involved.
Online
CallChat
$2.67/minute
I led weekly parenting groups for 10 years. I know I can help you regain control of your household.
Online
Call
$2.65/minute
Parenting is perhaps the most important job anyone can have. And yet, there is no real training! If you would like help or advice regarding effective parenting, I am here.