Batya33

I think it's fine to ask for ice. That's not high maintenance. I once walked out of a restaurant with my young son because we were regulars there and it was kid friendly (hard to find) my friend brought her sister with her (without asking me) and she was notoriously rude to wait staff -rude -not just high maintenance. I ended up leaving because I didn't want the waiter to see me associated with her and I wanted to be able to come back with my son. She could have ruined my opportunity to go to that establishment. You did no such thing and I agree -if you have to help someone to that extent that person likely shouldn't be applying to that job. When I was 15 or 16 I applied to Dunkin Donuts and I went by myself.

Or he has that silly immature reflex like Darkchoc mentioned -so even if he was with the woman of his dreams he gives into his impulse to check out other women blatantly. We all "notice" our surrounding -I do -cute dogs and cats, cute guys, cute babies - but the difference is if you're going to do more than a momentary scan it better be because you want to share what you saw with who you are with - "Oh I'm sorry to interrupt -look at that dog walking his owner/look at how gorgeous the sun looks - oh that's that dress I was telling you about" - Honestly I get annoyed if that happens too much but at least the interruption is -human -and the person wants to share what he saw with you. (Like when I know my husband is half listening to me, half to whole watching the ball game)

I am with Darkchoc. Nope. And apology is irrelevant. Obviously exceptions - he thought she was someone famous so he did a double take, she looked like a friend of his so he was deciding whether to go over after your conversation was paused, etc. But I'm with Darkchoc -can only go downhill from there.

Oh wow my apologies!! I could have sworn and maybe was removed or someone else. I can't find it now and very sorry for my mistake although I was obviously complimenting that person's insights. I do appreciate Wonderstruck's comments. Thanks for pointing out my mistake in such a direct way.

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Yes and she can do that -from a distance from him. I don't think this is an example of needing to struggle. She has to decide what value she places on honesty about basic facts, her sense of value as a woman (clearly his are questionable as Miss Lolita expressed), her sense of basic respect from another human (again echoing others like Lolita who have posted here). If it is that much of a struggle in this situation I think it's too dangerous for her to get involved with anyone right now. Some people might prefer to date someone with his values if they want leeway to lie in this way and to generalize about men or whoever in the way he has -to say disrespectful things and deceive and betray - the OP doesn't seem like that at all, in the least.

Yes and they keep updating the parenting manual! Wait there is no manual. Yet we get blamed. I like leading by example -I tell my son about my work, about work situations and how I handle them, he sees that I ignore him if I'm on deadline and his um request is not an emergency. He sees that I and my husband mostly like and enjoy what we do and we like making a contribution. But we don't get all lecture-y or didactic about what he should do with his life, for education or work. If he shares stuff we give input but again not heavy handed.

Oh I meant he'd get sick. LOLLL. My sister used to make fun of my dolls -she preferred stuffed animals but tolerated barbies - and also pretended to flush herself down the toilet to scare me.

I was raised to do whatever I liked and with a strong emphasis on educational values like college and beyond. Also a strong emphasis on making a living (my sister at one point in her teenage years wanted to be a "humanitarian"). We regularly discussed how for example I loved to write creatively (still do!) but how hard it is to make a living as a writer. Same with my sister's vocal/acting talents. But we were encouraged to pursue as a hobby, etc. Husband was raised the same. Our parents had tons in common/very similar that way (only mom is still living). I don't talk about what I did after elementary school teaching (what awful pay -so unfair) - on here but for sure for the 15 years I did that full time I socked away the $ and built a significant nest egg which has benefited me and my family indirectly so very much given that doing what I like also included SAHM which I did and liked a lot for over 5 of the 7 years I did so -liked the last 1.5 years too but also was ready to return to my prior career in some capacity which I did. And which I also like. My husband didn't like his first career much and it was very lucrative. So he pursued a different career in his 30s which also is lucrative. For the last 24 years he's liked it very much and makes a really good living. I know many artists of all types including famous artists of all types. I respect art and artists (and I'm including in that writers/actors/visual artists) -I've also worked with many artists. I do see what a tough path it is and how hard it is to persist, to be successful. I have a few friends publishing their first novel in their 40s and 50s but for many years they made a good living doing other things. I wouldn't recommend that a person pursue being an artist without - a trust fund basically -with rare exception - even if they like it. I feel awful saying that but I'm practical minded that way. I also think it's unfair to blame parents for all of it- adults can forge their own path whatever the message was and often the message was far more nuanced/layered than based on hindsight/memory. My son and I -and my husband -talk quite often about college and career plans -I think he's past the "I want to be a youtube star" phase. He's 15.

She's ridiculous. Everyone knows different workplaces do things differently -even teensy things, seemingly picky things. Many years ago there was a boss who wanted all documents stapled with the staple straight not diagonal lol. She's a loose cannon. Is that related to cylinders?? ;-). Ugh I'm sorry you have to deal with this and -as you know -I hope you know -your reaction is normal. Not overly sensitive.

It could be as simple as she decided you should focus more on these technical aspects for now and doesn't need to communicate this to a part timer. Are you on commission where you get paid based on revenue your marketing generates? Sounds like no so I wouldn't worry. At most I'd send her a summary email every so often listing the completed tasks and those in progress, and ask if she wants you to shift focus partly or wholly to marketing -and if not you'll continue on with the to do list. And yes be proactive. And if you have a question include either that you've researched the question elsewhere -google etc- and you think it is "X" but want to make sure. Keep questions to a minimum and keep it collected in one email if non-urgent. I've been asked in numerous jobs to take care of tasks that weren't in my job description and/or weren't part of the interview. So? I did them and if I was on deadline for a project I would tell my supervisor "I'm happy to take care of ___. The ____ is due by end of business tomorrow. Can your ____ wait till then or do you want me to have someone else handle the deadline? I've also offered to do stuff outside my job description -either to be helpful and/or to be helpful and learn something new. People like flexibility, adaptibility, stepping up to fill a gap even if it's not typically what you do. With transparency as mentioned - people forget your other projects/deadlines or they might so communicate what you have on your plate already and how you've prioritized if there are deadlines/urgency.

I had the same reaction. It's not his job to reassure you. I ended a short term relationship because of this issue -he was so insecure/needing reassurance, raising "issues" that were manufactured by him - such a good person, attractive -and he apologized and said he was working on it in therapy- so it was better for a week or so then back to the same nonsense. We were not yet exclusive and he kept looking for reasons not to trust me. No thanks.

Agree with Smackie. I dated until I was 39. I dated one man for three months whose ex gf gave birth one month in (yes I knew the situation) -after that I realized it wasn't for me. I went on one date with a man who was a single dad and realized it wasn't for me since he mentioned he'd want me to stay over -if we got serious-with the kids there in his apartment. I had no trouble meeting never married men and men who didn't have kids. My husband and I started dating (again) when we were 38-39. No kids. Never married. As was my ex I dated for 7 years on and off. In my 30s. Maybe because I lived in a major city. Single dads would not have been for me I don't think -make sure it is for you -you are right that she will be in his life as the mother of his child as will the child.

I mean in general the posts in this thread that delve deep into the complexities of interpersonal/romantic relationships - to me it's not that complex when things are working "fine" or better than fine. To me why a person might like to be the knight in shining armor or another be damsel in distress -can be infinite reasons. Can be like that one day not the next. An hour or so ago I would have LOVED to play damsel instead of dealing with this slew of frustration from my teenager while my husband is in a different time zone. And I mean that literally -see-not meaning "he's out of touch" -he's literally out of touch in a meeting in a different time zone while I'm being barraged by teenage style texts and was in a true dilemma about what to do. Wow would have been awesome if my knight were here to swoop in and I wouldn't have cared a bit if he played up the knight part. I muscled through it, I'm a bad a** mom as my child said this morning before he hated my guts an hour ago, temporarily. This mama was in distress and worn out! My husband loves when he can help me open a pickle jar or plunge a toilet and you know what -I let him play up that whole swooping in knight part -whatever floats his boat. If it were all the time -um nope. But I also don't query him or myself internally -hmmmmm I wonder where that comes from? Did he mean it? Did he do that for his ego? Is it compensating for being really short???? No. Cause I love him to pieces and I let him be him - quirks and all - and if he's too proud of the open pickle jar when I'm the only one who eats them or unclogging the toilet -go for it. He'd clog the toilet with unmentionables if I started talking about why he does the knight thing at times or why I love being rescued sometimes. Other men and women would love to have those sorts of Relationship Talks each time they took on a certain gendered role. That's not how we roll. More power to those that do.

Same. Also -this is just me - over my years of working since the 1980s (7 year hiatus for SAHM, 7 years full time student where I worked part time on and off) - I do things the way my boss likes them done -and I mean down to nitty gritty - including way of communicating, time of communicating, format of projects/documents whatever. Sometimes I have made suggestions while keeping my role in mind. Sometimes I've been asked for suggestions. I've been part time for 7.5 years and sometimes it's more than part time. Recently I offered my (strong!) opinion about a strategy and path we should take. I didn't offer it strongly -I mean I felt strongly. I was told yes go for it. I went for it. It was successful but the whole time through the vetting process - two levels of review at least -I was ready to defer to my bosses if they changed their minds. Their way was not wrong just not how I thought would be most effective. I went out on a limb but also I've been there 7 years, worked with these bosses 7 years, worked with my coworker since he started two years ago. I know I wouldn't have done this as a newbie (and likely wouldn't have known enough to give that input) You as an employee are charged with reading the room, working within the structures and when you build up rapport and goodwill and they see what you can do then in most workplaces you can start to suggest -in an appropriate way -how things can improve and be made more effective. But depends on what -the cornerstone of a business? No. Typically not, not ever. But other stuff -yes - but if you are coming at this from this perspective of hypercriticism and likening it to past abuse - it's never going to come across as wanting to improve the bottom line (especially in the business world). It will come through in your tone/vibe -or at least very risky that way. No one is forcing you to work here but either deal with it or leave -this rampage of criticism is you trying to justify what simply is none of your business IMO.