Unmotivated Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Quick summary, this is my first relationship. Me and this girl have been to a movie, a play, and dinner together. There was a small kiss at the end of the dinner date. She had rented two movies that she was going to watch by herself. So last night we went to her place and watched one. We sat together on her couch. I was kind of afraid that my breath was bad so I didn't want to sit too close to her (been having problems with that lately Anyhow, I asked for a glass of water and that kind of helped. Towards the end of the movie I put my arm around her and she responded by scooting over and laying her her on my shoulder. After the movie we just sat and talked for a while--quite a while. I think we were both expecting to kiss at some point but the moment never came. Anyhow, after a while she started yawning and then she asked me to leave because she was falling asleep. I'm leaving to visit my folks for a week in two days, so I want to spend more time with her. I called her today and apologized for staying too late, she reiterated that she was just falling asleep. She was pretty chatty as usual. I asked her if she would want to watch the other movie tomorrow, but she said that she already had some friends that were going to watch it with her. I'm 90% sure that this was her way of saying that she wasn't interested. This is the first time she's declined me asking to spend time with her. Also, at one point on the phone I said that I was going to go find some lunch, and she seemed quick to respond that she had already eaten. I was thinking about asking her to lunch tomorrow (we work at the same place on Fridays) but I get the feeling that she would come up with another excuse not to. Should I: a) Go ahead and ask her to lunch tomorrow b) Skip that idea, but try to visit her briefly right before I leave for home c) Just tell her bye over the phone I don't want to ruin the relationship by smothering her, but I feel like if I don't get some affirmation that she's still interested in spending time with me, I'm going to be going out of my mind wondering about it while I'm at home. Link to comment
anggrace Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I think you should ask her. Atleast that way you'll have a better idea of where she stands and you can know you did your best to pursue it. If she is interested in you, I don't think she would feel you were smothering her by asking. Link to comment
jackknive Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Well, maybe she really does have plans. Give it a few days and ask he if she wants to do something again. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 make a quick day for when you get back if you can't get one in before you leave. you don't have to marry her because you will be gone for a bit. if she makes plans for when you get back then you know she is definitely interested. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I'm curious as to why you felt you had to apologize for staying at her house late. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Perhaps you are over analysing things. This all looks like a fairly normal route to an inevitable conclusion (in a good way) Link to comment
Unmotivated Posted May 3, 2007 Author Share Posted May 3, 2007 Thank you for the replies everybody. The support really means a lot to me right now. I think you should ask her. Atleast that way you'll have a better idea of where she stands and you can know you did your best to pursue it. If she is interested in you, I don't think she would feel you were smothering her by asking. That's probably a good idea, but I'm doing my best to hide all of this relationship anxiety I'm having; I feel like if I discussed it with her it might freak her out a little bit and it would make me come off as even more clingy. Well, maybe she really does have plans. Give it a few days and ask he if she wants to do something again. It's possible, but she's made it fairly clear in the past that she doesn't have many friends and she also mentioned that she had rented the movies to watch by herself. My problem though is that tomorrow is pretty much the last day we would have to do something before I leave. I'm probably going to take off pretty early on saturday. I'm curious as to why you felt you had to apologize for staying at her house late. Well, it was getting pretty late (I had been there for almost 5 hours) and I think she was dropping hints that it was getting late, she was getting tired, and I should probably get going, but I wasn't picking up on them and so after a while she just up and said, "Alright, I'm going to have be a little rude and ask you to leave or else I'm going to fall asleep." I think she kind of felt like as her guest she had to entertain me until I left, but I was just hanging out for hours on end. make a quick day for when you get back if you can't get one in before you leave. you don't have to marry her because you will be gone for a bit. if she makes plans for when you get back then you know she is definitely interested. Alright, I'll see if I can set something up. My problem now is that I don't really know what would be appropriate at this stage in our relationship. I feel like so far its gone quite well, but since I'm so new at dating in general, I don't really know what the next step(s) is. I did mention last night that sometime during the summer we should go hiking together. She didn't particularly sound enthusiastic about it or opposed to it, so *shrug*. Perhaps you are over analysing things. This all looks like a fairly normal route to an inevitable conclusion (in a good way) It's entirely possible, I'm afraid I do often over-analyze. I'm just scared of losing her and I wish I could find some way to find out how interested she is without making a big deal out of it. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 well, some chicks aren't into hiking and fitness. i wish they all were into fitness myself, but you can only ask for so much. anyways, why not go minigolfing or something. just set up a date to do something, you don't have to tell her what it is. Link to comment
Unmotivated Posted May 4, 2007 Author Share Posted May 4, 2007 Well, pretty much what I thought was going to happen happened. I asked her if she wanted to hang out today and she started saying that she had a bunch of things planned and then she said she just wanted to relax. I said that was okay and asked her if she'd want to do something when I got back from visiting the parents and she said she would. She said I could come over tomorrow to tell her bye. It hurts that she needs distance from me, and part of me wonders if she's trying to slowly back out of the relationship. Nevertheless I believe this is enough to get me through the week. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 4, 2007 Share Posted May 4, 2007 it sounds like you barely started seeing each other. so i have no idea why this bothers you so much or you say she is backing out of the relationship. it doesn't sound like you had much exclusivity yet. Link to comment
Unmotivated Posted May 4, 2007 Author Share Posted May 4, 2007 Well, our first "date" was three weeks ago, so I guess we haven't really been seeing each other for very long. This being my first relationship, I really don't know how it's supposed to go, but it feels natural to want to spend a lot time with her. And so when she doesn't seem to want to spend time with me it makes me wonder if she's losing interest. I guess I expected the relationship to go a lot faster than it is. At this point my only option is to assume that she's genuinely interested but at the same time wants time away from me. To me, it doesn't make sense, but I have to live with it, right? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 3 weeks? have you heard from her since then? not sure if this is a relationship. Link to comment
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