Wasting Time?

[mysterygirrl77]

I've liked this guy for awhile (about 1 year) and theres a lot of confusing details but I won't get into them (if you want them ask). Anywho, I'm an adult wuss and recently decided to let him know how I felt in a letter. I said I didn't expect him to feel the same or to respond. I also asked him to keep it to himself. I just didn't want him mocking the letter and me to others (not that I think he would but I was covering all my bases). Well a friend who really should have just butt out (and also didn't know all that was in the letter) inquired about the letter. He said "Oh I definitely don't have a problem with her, Please tell her that. We're just not allowed to have contact with clients outside the daycare. It's policy". I don't doubt there's a such policy because my job has the same, but if a person is really interested in another person would a policy matter? If he had no interest wouldn't he just say so, or was his response just to spare my feelings? By the end of this week I will no longer be associated with the daycare because my sister is taking her son out. I'm not sure if he has interest or not and if there's a chance of something happening. His response was odd.

[friscodj]

Hi mystery-

 

Well, there are two levels to this the way I see it:

 

1) Does he know you're leaving the daycare situation in a week? Let him know, then wait out the week and then ask him (not in a letter and not being so negative). We can all speculate on what his response might mean and such a response was relayed through a third party at that.

 

Wait the week, then see what's going on, just between you and he, leave everyone else out of it.

 

2) I get the feeling you are being very negative here and exhibiting signs of restrictively low self-esteem. You call yourself a "wuss", waited a year to do anything about this, told him you don't expect him to feel the same way, and don't want him mocking your letter? I just get the feeling you aren't thinking as highly of yourself as you should...

 

Why not approach him in person, chat it up, and just go out and enjoy yourselves? You hardly know this guy on any sort of intimate level and you are pouring your heart out to him. Plus, you're being really negative here, in telling him you are not expecting reception of feelings or even a response!. I can see these traits manifesting themselves in negative ways in a relationship down the line for you.

 

So let's figure that out. What are those details you left out? Perhaps they might shed more light on this situation. And why do you think you are not loving yourself and seeing yourself as the treasure that you are?

[Cassie]

Hi Mystergirrl -

 

You've all ready written and delivered the letter, correct?

 

Try laying low for the next week or so to see what develops. If he's interested and emotionally available, he will pursue after you're no longer considered his client. Since he's aware of your intentions at this point, you've pushed the ball squarely in his court.

 

If there is no response, don't be too disheartened. It actually took a lot of courage and guts to pour your heart out like that. As Friscodj mentioned, I might examine the way you chose to present yourself. Do you suffer from low self-esteem?

 

As for the policy question; if I had genuine interest in someone, policy wouldn't take a high priority. There would be a way to work around it. To me, rules are meant to be broken.

[mysterygirrl77]

Over the past year there were things he would say or do that at the time I took negatively, but my friend suggested I started looking at them in a more positive way. Once she gave me her take on them, I started to think that she was right and maybe he did have interest in me. He would compliment what a good sister I was for helping out my sister with my nephew. I would see him looking at me more than I was used to. He grabbed my arm and said if I don't see you later enjoy your day tomorrow. There's more but we'd be here for awhile. But there were alot of times he wouldn't talk to me but would talk to all the other parents. Or he would talk to be but about stupid things like the weather or vomitting (don't ask) and just go on about it as if I could actually comment extensively. On the phone there would just be awkward pauses, he'd repeat himself, or just stutter like he had nothing to say but didn't want to be rude. Yet on the phone with my sister, he had no problem. He'd ask her about her job, and etc. All this points to he doesn't like me very much - not even on a professional level. But when others like my sister and my friends say they think he does, it messes with my head. I just get more confused.When I was younger I didn't have trouble approaching or interacting with guys. Most of my friends were guys. I was with my kids' (I have 2) father for 9 years and we finally split almost 2 years ago. For the most part I still don't have a problem with guys....except this one. I can't talk around him. When I do it's so soft I can't even hear me. I feel like an idiot especially because I'm a grown woman. I do have issues with my appearance - I've got a little weight on me. Plus I have kids and he doesn't so I seriously can't imagine why he would be interested in this. I actually stopped going to the daycare 2nd week of March which is when I gave him the letter. My sisters been the one going in since then. She told him that Friday is her sons last day and that he would not be returning. I'd hate to think there is a chance and be terribly dissappointed when nothing comes of this; but I also hate being so negative.

[Cassie]

Hi Mysterygirrl -

 

You two talk on the phone? Does he call you, or vice versa?

 

This is so much easier said than done, but try not to have any expectations. That way you won't be setting yourself up for any type of disappointment.

 

The more I think about it, the more gutsy your move was. You should be proud that you had the nerve to honestly write to him how you felt. Regardless if it blossoms into something more meaningful or not, that really did take courage.

 

If he doesn't repond, he's simply not worth your time anymore.

 

You mention feeling insecure about your appearance. Unfortunately it's very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone else if the relationship with yourself is suffering.

 

Is it because of your appearance that you feel perhaps he might not respond positively?

[mysterygirrl77]

It was daycare related. We never just talked on the phone for no reason. My appearance is a big part of why I have difficulty talking to him or even being in front of him. In my mind I think he's picking me apart. I actually start getting nervous the longer I'm in front of him. I actually caught myself walking away from him once while he was talking to me. I noticed because I noticed him continuously walking towards him. I'm sure I came accross as rude to him sometimes. Although I know I'm a good person and everything, I can't imagine why he would be interested in someone like myself when he could have anyone. Not only my appearance but I also have two children. Sometime I just feel like I don't have a lot of points in my corner. He used to be my younger sons teacher. He just seems to be more friendly with the other parents. He always seems to have stuff to talk about with them. Even if I tried to be more confident, I don't know what to do with what he gives me. Some topics just can't be elaborated on. I feel like he's groping for things to say just to be polite. As far as what he said to my friend about the letter, I don't what to make of it. I'm not sure if it was a response, an excuse to not respond, or a cop out.

[Cassie]

I wouldn't obsess too much over the comment. At this point, he knows clearly how you feel. If he's interested, he will do the decent thing and ask you out. Anything less, quite frankly, isn't worth your time. And if he's going to reject you based on your children, would you really want to maintain a relationship with someone like that?

 

And Mysterygirrl, as Friscodj pointed out earlier, you're a beautiful person. You need to start believing that!

[mysterygirrl77]

I totally agree with you about a relationship with someone who rejects me because I have kids. I've really been trying not to obsess over any of this for the simple fact of not getting my hopes up about something that may not turn out the way I would like. But everyone keeps bringing it up. I know their just trying to be helpful and supportive, but I think I need to tell them to stop for awhile. Thanx for helping out. I usually hate to post things like this because a lot of the responses are not very helpful and can be sometimes insulting but you guys were very helpful. Thanx again.