BF thinks i'm carrying a burden

[Siriana]

Do you have intention to leave him?

 

Thats the only thing you should think about (not loudly infront of him - he might beat you)

[SherriLi]

Do you have any plans of leaving him?

 

I want to talk to someone first about my part in the "abuse" first. I want to do all that i can do. If i don't do anything but run and leave him, i'll end up thinking to myself "you could have done your part!" "You could have improved YOURSELF"

 

then i'd end up regretting leaving him and probably take him back.... Or it would be ALOT more painful and would take alot longer to get over him...

 

So, if this councilling doesn't work, then yes we will for sure break up. He's just as sick of fighting as i am. Either he'll leave me or i'll leave him.

[CarnelianButterfly]

He needs to see the councilor, not you. If he's beaten you -ever- then you should be gone.

 

He's made you think you have a problem with anger, you don't!

 

You getting counseling won't change HIM, he's the problem.

[SherriLi]

He needs to see the councilor, not you. If he's beaten you -ever- then you should be gone.

 

He's made you think you have a problem with anger, you don't!

 

You getting counseling won't change HIM, he's the problem.

 

Thanks CB, your words really make sense, and they have made me feel better. But.... I still can't help but feel like i'm part of our problems, I slapped him too, i supposedly grabbed his throat..... But i know intoxicated or not, i NEVER EVER would have done that if he wouldn't stand over the door and push me onto the bed when i'd try to get out. Or block the front door and not let me out...

 

I think i may go see this Pastor anyway. I'll just tell him what's been going on. Every word from the beginning... Who know's what'll happen right? I've really got nothing to lose.

 

Do you think it's possible that the pastor would tell my bf or his mom about what we talked about? Not that it matters, because everything that i say will be the truth. I just would like privacy is all.

[Siriana]

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[SherriLi]

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Thanks for the links. It's funny when i read the abuse ones because, the jealousy and insecurity are traits of me also.

 

But... I think have a reason to be jealous. he cheated on me with his ex, and left me for her in the beginning.

 

I remember one time when he first contacted her to be her "friend" While he was talking to her in the living room, i was sitting in the kitchen listening and playing solitaire.... shaking like a leaf, because he sounded so f*cking eager and he had a tone in his voice that i never heard from him before.

 

There were two jackets on the back of my chair, when i got up to get a drink my chair fell over... well after he got off the phone with her. He started yelling at me for slaming cards and knocking the chair over on purpose.....

 

He.... was mad at me... I hate thinking about that night. It made me sooo angry. I think that's when i stopped crying and started yelling.

 

The way that when i'd get upset about him talking to her, he'd be furious because i was doubting him, he'd always threaten to leave me because i doubted his love... all the while, it was because he was betraying me by speaking to the woman that he cheated with and left me for... How could he not see that? Until now? How could he not see my pain???

 

Thanks for letting me rant..