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I need some advice(we do a lot of talking online, a bit by phone...met once)

Richie Rocks

By Richie Rocks
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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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Ok, i'm 20, the girl is 18

 

Let's see...i've had this girl on my myspace for about a year...she messaged me about 2 weeks ago asking what's up. I replied and didn't talk again. About a week ago I asked her what was up...she replied and so did I. we went on a long time and found out we had a lot in common.

 

She had always thought I lived 60+ miles from her, actuallity I live about 10 minutes from her so that's good.

 

I need help to find out whether she's as interested in me as I am into her.

 

we clicked right from the start, but i don't know if it's a friendship click or something more...

 

we've talked to each other about how we both would hate to be lonely when we're older...our views on cheaters...honesty etc.

 

She's a good Christian girl who is waiting for marriage before sex and she's probably not a flirty girl so it's hard to pick up on some things she says. Plus, a lot of what we've said has been online.

 

i've talked to her on the phone a few times, first call went on over an hour..which is nice.

 

we were planning to go to a movie(it would be me, her, and 5 of her friends) but it all fell apart at the end and it was just me and her(i didn't mind that at all, but i was sorry her friends couldn't go)

 

we saw blades of glory(great movie btw) and both had a nice time. we were laughing constantly at the movie and making sarcastic remarks at each other.

 

i noticed on the way back that she was staring at me quite a bit..which was fine as i did it to her lol

 

she has a very busy life and it's hard to talk to her much...i'd definitely take that for a person i love...but of course it's way too early to know about that.

 

i just need some help on what to say online, how to pick up emotion, what the movie meant if anything and so on. we do have other things planned in the next few weeks to do...

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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Things we both like to do:

 

movies

listen to music

exercise

get groceries(never together yet though)

drive around

she wants me to go to church with her( i think it will be great)

chat on phone

basketball maybe

 

we both have an interest in animals(mainly dogs) but i don't know if i can go on that or not.

 

we're the kind of people that wouldn't mind going into wal-mart and goofing around for hours.

 

I think she has the most beautiful eyes...is there any way i can tell her? or should that be something i hold off until i'm sure we have something more going on?

 

she's not a big dater...she's only dated one guy...i don't know if she'd be interested in it or not...i don't want her for sex or anything...i want her because she has a great personality and i'd love to be with her many years down the line.

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TheRedQueen Mentor

TheRedQueen

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You guys live 10 minutes from each other, so there is no reason why the internet should serve as your primary means of communication.

 

If it's ever going to work between you guys, guess what, you must be compatible in the domain of "real life".

 

She's a dynamic person, and you'll be able to better assess who she really is in the 3D, real-time constructs of everyday life.

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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You guys live 10 minutes from each other, so there is no reason why the internet should serve as your primary means of communication.

 

If it's ever going to work between you guys, guess what, you must be compatible in the domain of "real life".

 

She's a dynamic person, and you'll be able to better assess this in 3D.

 

Thank you so much, we've only been talking(phone, text messages) for about a week. I met her Friday for the movie and that was it.

 

How should I go about meeting her more often?

 

maybe i'll post back in a few months thanking you for changing my life for the better!

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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btw...her prom is this Saturday. It would be very strange for me to go(different highschool, i'm 20... etc)...should I feel any jealousy or anything if she dances with another guy?

 

I don't think i'd mind...i want her to have a fun time and she's spent a lot of time finding her dress and everything.

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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It's only been a week?!?!?!?

 

I think you're investing too much into this, too early.

 

I say chill out, don't get your hopes up or set your expectations too high, and let time reveal whether or not this girl is worth pursuing.

 

well...we've sent a few messages over the last 6 months, but that was very infrequently, 1-2 a month or so.

 

The past 2 weeks have been when the messaging has been more frequent.

 

Thing is..i've met her parents, i've talked to her sister, i know so much about her...she said she has never told anyone else some of the things she's told me...and i've done the same.

 

And, i'll take your advice to heart, i'll try not to think about her much...but it's all I think about lol. any tips to get her out of my head?

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TheRedQueen Mentor

TheRedQueen

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How are things going in your life right now? Are you generally happy, and satisfied, or are you bored, and, or depressed? If the latter is more true for you right now, this girl more likely than not is probably serving as some sort of distraction.

 

I say try staying focused on yourself.

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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How are things going in your life right now? Are you generally happy, and satisfied, or are you bored, and, or depressed? If the latter is more true for you right now, this girl more likely than not is probably serving as some sort of distraction.

 

I say try staying focused on yourself.

 

The latter, you hit the nail on the head there.

 

How can I lead my own life but still work on hanging out with her? I know relationships take time and I don't expect anything to happen quickly. We do have a lot in common and have a lot of fun.

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TheRedQueen Mentor

TheRedQueen

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In the past I've attempted to ignore a void within myself by occupying my time thinking and obsessing over a lover.

 

I'd put more time, energy, thought and action into improving them and their lives instead of mine, and needless to say this was never what you'd call a "healthy foundation" for any kind of real, viable relationship.

 

Before you can securely invest in another, you must first and foremost invest in yourself, who you are as a person, and what you want out of life.

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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Yeah, just ask her to dinner or something. Say, "I'd like to take you to dinner on Saturday at such and such a restaurant." See what she says, then can it. Don't message her after that and see how it goes. Move it from the imaginary into reality.

 

damn

 

saturday is her prom and she'll be busy.

 

saturday is the only day i know i'm off from work...she's busy a lot with track and school.

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finewhine Proficient

finewhine

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Prom! Oh, to be in high school. Did you ask her out already? How'd it go?

 

I guess my general point is this: you should ask her on a date. You obviously like her. Based on her reaction to her asking you out, you can figure out what to do next (whether to keep it on a friendly level or move it along to something romantic).

 

Here's what you DON'T want to do: freak out. Like, the more you stress over it, the weirder and more awkward it will be. So, if you already tried asking her out, do it again and see what happens. Try for the next weekend.

 

It's awfully cute how big your crush is. Keep pluggin', dude.

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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Prom! Oh, to be in high school. Did you ask her out already? How'd it go?

 

I guess my general point is this: you should ask her on a date. You obviously like her. Based on her reaction to her asking you out, you can figure out what to do next (whether to keep it on a friendly level or move it along to something romantic).

 

Here's what you DON'T want to do: freak out. Like, the more you stress over it, the weirder and more awkward it will be. So, if you already tried asking her out, do it again and see what happens. Try for the next weekend.

 

It's awfully cute how big your crush is. Keep pluggin', dude.

 

No I haven't asked her out yet,i was told not to message/talk to her for a day or two and wait for her to say something first. tomorrow, if nothing is said, i'll give her my new number and ask her to do something with me.

 

does that sound ok?

 

lol, no way, it's not cute. just trying to see if we have a future together or not.

 

hey, my job has awkward days worked. the only thing i know is that i have every saturday off and that i will always work 3:45 to 12:15(she's in bed then, and during the day she's in school/busy) how can i set up a date with a job like that? i hope we can do things other than just saturdays, you know?

 

thanks for the reply.

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Raincheck Explorer

Raincheck

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No I haven't asked her out yet,i was told not to message/talk to her for a day or two and wait for her to say something first. tomorrow, if nothing is said, i'll give her my new number and ask her to do something with me.

 

does that sound ok?

 

lol, no way, it's not cute. just trying to see if we have a future together or not.

 

hey, my job has awkward days worked. the only thing i know is that i have every saturday off and that i will always work 3:45 to 12:15(she's in bed then, and during the day she's in school/busy) how can i set up a date with a job like that? i hope we can do things other than just saturdays, you know?

 

thanks for the reply.

 

A future together?

 

Brother, you are getting too into this. That is the number one fault guys have and I myself had for many years....getting too attached. By your first post it sounds like you are making this girl your friend...and now you are starting to see her as the only girl in your life when you don't even have close to a romantic relationship going.

 

Relax, let go...ask her out, but better yet...tell her you are doing something (something you enjoy) and ask her if she'd like to come along, it takes pressure off. Keep the conversation light and fun, all that deep talk categorizes you as a friend she can talk to. A relationship should involve those talks...but way later on.

 

Talk to other girls.

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Richie Rocks Newbie

Richie Rocks

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A future together?

 

Brother, you are getting too into this. That is the number one fault guys have and I myself had for many years....getting too attached. By your first post it sounds like you are making this girl your friend...and now you are starting to see her as the only girl in your life when you don't even have close to a romantic relationship going.

 

Relax, let go...ask her out, but better yet...tell her you are doing something (something you enjoy) and ask her if she'd like to come along, it takes pressure off. Keep the conversation light and fun, all that deep talk categorizes you as a friend she can talk to. A relationship should involve those talks...but way later on.

 

Talk to other girls.

 

Thanks bro, so much.

 

I am talking to other girls now and it feels so much easier..less stress..

 

I was definitely putting her and her alone above everyone else.

 

so...how can i get her to see me less in a friendly way and more in a sexual manner?

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Dating Coach Veteran

Dating Coach

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so...how can i get her to see me less in a friendly way and more in a sexual manner?

 

By ceasing to send "friend signals". If all you do are "friend activities" and limited to zero "relationship activities" then you will be seen as a friend. Hanging out is always a friend activity unless you make it clear that you're hanging out for more.

 

One of the most common problems of "Nice Guys" is that they never make it clear to her that they are interested in her romantically. Instead they hang around the girl as "friends" waiting for her to give a sure sign she's interested in him as more than friends before they risk it. This is a bad move and it is why you see all of those confused "Nice Guys" getting friendzoned and complaining that women like "Jerks". Women don't like "Jerks" it's just that those guys aren't playing under the disguise of "just friends". They get to the point.

 

My making it clear that you are interested in more than friends, you do not tell her how you feel about her. Talking about such things is boring, and it reeks of desperation. Instead, make it clear you are interested in more than friend through your ACTIONS. Ask her out on a date. Make sure she knows it's a DATE. You cannot let this in anyway be miscontrued as "a friend activity". Also, flirt, tease, use kino, and MAKE A MOVE. Nothing tells a girl you're interested in her as more than friends like moving in to kiss her. You don't have to tell her you like her as in, "I like you as more than friends" (weak), but moving in for a kiss tells her all of that without you looking like a clueless guy who wears his heart on his sleeve.

 

Good luck!

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Raincheck Explorer

Raincheck

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Thanks bro, so much.

 

I am talking to other girls now and it feels so much easier..less stress..

 

I was definitely putting her and her alone above everyone else.

 

so...how can i get her to see me less in a friendly way and more in a sexual manner?

 

Diggitydog is right on, and I'll add some more.

 

Like I said before, you want to keep things light with this girl. Avoid topics that lead to her past relationships, family problems or serious topics (politics etc) and so forth. The way to keep things light is to joke (but don't overdo it), tease her (again, don't overdo it) and ask her questions that she usually doesn't get. For example, I usually ask girls the following question after putting it in some sort of proper context:

 

Can you dance?

 

It's a question that will lead to endless conversation topics and you can throw in the fact that you love girls who can dance. Yo can then also use her response as a way to gauge her interest. If she tries to give you an answer that aligns with the fact that she can dance or that she likes to dance blah blah...then you can tell she is subconsciously trying to prove herself to you, and you are qualifying her making you more of a catch.

 

And yeah man...I can imagine talking to other girls feels much better. When you do that, you feel like, "hey, if it doesn't work out with this girl, its whatever, I got plenty others to go to" ... its a nice feeling.

 

Best of luck.

 

-RC

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