About to move in together and freaking out

[katierose]

I’m about to have a nervous breakdown! I, my boyfriend, and our 4 month-old puppy are moving in together next month. In the meantime, I’ve been living out of a bag in the boyfriend’s teeny-tiny studio apartment for the past 2 months and going back to my own place once a week or so to sleep/ get clean underwear. The past few weeks have been so insane-- my 25th birthday, his first meeting with my parents, vet visits and puppy training, the search for an apartment, daily wrestling matches with the dog when he tries to eat my underwear... all on top of various social obligations and our full-time jobs. Neither one of us makes very much money and finding an affordable, pet-friendly place in an ok neighborhood was not only difficult but has made us both feel like we're just so POOR... anyway I was in charge of apartment-hunting while he took care of the dog, and because he couldn’t go with me, I ended up putting down a $500 deposit to hold an amazing place that had (I thought) everything we were looking for. But when we went to see it again last night, he was upset because the living room is very small, and we ended up having a pretty heated argument. We eventually resolved it and we’re going to take the place (and I’m saving for a flat-panel TV that will maximize the small space as a surprise housewarming gift for him), but I feel terrible. We’re both completely sleep-deprived and on edge, and I’m exhausted from the weeks of living in a different borough than my underwear drawer. Is this going to be ok? Is it normal that we're bickering? I'm completely freaking out.

[daveygravey]

It's such a huge adjustment, I would say it's normal to bicker.

 

And don't worry about feeling poor or that the house isn't good enough. If you truly love each other, it will work.

 

My parents are always moaning about modern-day couples who need save up and have some super-duper fantastic and huge apartment when they first move in. My parents got married in the late 70s and got a dinky little place which was horrible. For a dining table they used the wallpaper desk. Stuff like that. But they had something to work for - to improve the house. Young couples who have everything from day one get bored.

 

I think you're really lucky, I'd love to one day be in your position!

 

I hope it all works out for you.

[redrose85]

Maybe a flat panel tv isn't such a good idea if you're kinda broke. Sorry, that's just my opinion. You guys sound completely normal lol. you're both stressed out, bickering happens

[Scout]

It's such a huge adjustment, I would say it's normal to bicker.

 

And don't worry about feeling poor or that the house isn't good enough. If you truly love each other, it will work.

 

My parents are always moaning about modern-day couples who need save up and have some super-duper fantastic and huge apartment when they first move in. My parents got married in the late 70s and got a dinky little place which was horrible. For a dining table they used the wallpaper desk. Stuff like that. But they had something to work for - to improve the house. Young couples who have everything from day one get bored.

 

I think you're really lucky, I'd love to one day be in your position!

 

I hope it all works out for you.

 

Terrific advice and insight!!

[ghost69]

wait it out for the nice fancy place. it's your first place together. i'd rather have a small place with nice stuff than a huge place and nothing in it but a futon. lol

[fnlyfrei]

I am engaged and we are going to move in together soon after the wedding...we are going to search for a place to live and I KNOW it is going to be stressful..because we are both different people and have different priorities. ( I also think you are awesome for saving up for a cool tv to soothe the situation...) He might just be looking at the living room and not seeing it the way you see it...he will come around...and the best part is that you will be together! Take care of each other !

[Batya33]

Are both of you ok about living together without being engaged or married? Sometimes the bickering is in order to avoid other underlying issues.

[katierose]

Neither one of us minds that bit. We're committed to each other and both want to get married eventually (like maybe next year), but in the meantime I don't have any moral qualms about sharing space with him. It's just so stressful in the meantime. I'm hoping it'll ease up once we've moved and I'm not living out of a bag like a transient anymore.