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Past Experiences that My GF has talked about.....

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I am not really sure how to bring this up considering i am brodcasting to anyone that can read this website, however; my GF has gone through child abuse experiences at a young age and has had many instances of problems with her real mother abusing her in the past. I dont think it is nessacarry to get into detail, however she seems to always say shes okay with it, however; im not sure if this is a symptom of (maybe its my fault). She occasionly breaks out and talks about it but she seems very upset. She also tells me she bottles it up inside her, and i always try to encourage her to talk about it (am i doing the right thing???). She has been telling me she has been under tremendous stress lately with her Family (Father, Step-mother, 2 brothers, cats, dogs...) And recently her step-mother is having a child, which she was told that she was going to be the "Second Mother" too. After what i have seen, i do realize that she will indeed be a second mother to this new child.


But as a concerned boyfriend i have listened to her problems, but having no real way to relate or help her, other than listening, is there any other way that i can do to help?


Aparently she has gone through councelling earlier in her life, but with no real success of dissapating the dilemmas of her childhood with her real mother.


Thank you for your input in advance,

Concerned BF

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i had a friend who went through the same sort of thing, and i couldn;t relate to it at all. but i was just there for her, told her i cared for her even if no one else does, and that she could always come to me.


also, councilling does help over time. the councillors are trained to know just what to say, but just make sure you are there for her. and don't grill her about it, but when she feels like opening up, encourage it (yes, that is the right thing) because it might not come out that exact way again.


make her feel loved, and if she says she can't go on a date with you because she has to babysit the kid, offer to help. that will mean EVERYTHING even though you don't want to.

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hmmm, (trying to be tactful)

be very VERY VERY careful that you do NOT become her counsellor, I have done this, I spent 3 years with a wonderful but abused girl, I helped her heal I nursed her through the nightmares and went without sex for a very long time, I was her best friend and counsellor...

I thought I was her boyfriend.... but I wasn't I had become everything but...then she got to a point in her healing where she thought she was happy and she left me....because I now remind her of all the bad shit I helped her deal with....


so yeah, in her words "you were my saviour...but now I'm saved I have to move on"


do NOT make my mistake, love her be her boyfriend, be her lover, be her best friend but do NOT become her counsellor...that is NOT your job, there are professionals out there who do it for a living....

direct her to them, take her along, pay for it if you like, make sure she's getting help, but please don't become her counsellor!!!!

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The best thing that you can do for her is to always be there for her. Don't neglect her. People who have been molested, or sexually assaulted are very suicidal, especially women.


If you love her, give her as much advice as you can, at least she'll know that you care.


She will go through emotional rollercoasters, but if you're patient, the ups and downs will die out, and by then, she'll trust you and have enough confidence having known that you are always there for her.


Hang in there.

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  • 2 years later...

Same with me as gettinthroughit ..


Be careful..her problems are not your own..you can't help them! But you can be there for them. They can seek councelling


I too became a therapist of sorts..and in the end, I smothered her before I realized it..and it was too late. I was associated with the pain. So I had to go....I thought I could change her. Big Mistake and I paid dearly for it. For the longest time she was the one for me.


She had a host of issues as well..sexual trauma from teenage years, low self esteem, huge health issues, job issues, family death etc etc...and I tried to help. I should have just been patient and took care of myself.


Don't do the same as I did!


Take care of yourself and support her...but she needs to get out of her rut on her own.

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