Anamarie89

So the you know what hit the fan and my parents found out that I'd been having sex. With my boyfriend. Who is 18. The punishment is that I can't see him for three months and can't have sex for a year and a half. And this is so hard because before we'd spend all this time together, as much as possible, but then he moved to college and I haven't seen him for three weeks. Which felt like an eternity until now. So I'm asking myself, do I really love this guy, enough to be with him and not have sex for the next year and a half? We've been having sex for five months out of the one year we were dating and it evolved into a big part of our relationship. Do I love him? Can I love him if we can't have sex? Can I live without him for three months? Three months isn't that long, I tell myself. Just three months, nothing. But at the same time, it's eternity. But as I sit here crying and I'm asking myself if its worth it. If I am strong enough and if I'm way less mature than I think I am. What if in a year and a half, we've changed so much and are no longer in love? It's so hard to look to the future when I don't know what I'm seeing. I feel like I'm now obligated to marry him, but what if he's not the one? I'm really kicking myself for making the decision to have sex in the first place. I'm so stupid, I'm the stupidest person ever. I ruined my life and I know it. I hate myself and I hate that I thought I was mature. I hate that I thought I knew everything. Guys... I don't have anyone to talk to. I need some comfort and I would appreciate anything especially personal stories because I don't want to be alone. I don't know who I am or why I'm here or if I can deal anymore or if it's worth it. Please...

Hahaha I didn't even have that problem until this year, and until this year I would have been soo jealous of you... But I always use the "You make such a good friend, why would I want to ruin that?" (And more recently, "I have a boyfriend".) I have to say that you shouldn't have given him your phone number in the first place, that's leading the poor guy on. Anyway, all I would have wanted to say has been said, but basically... it's more cruel to let him think you'll go out with him then to tell him up front that you aren't interested.

It sounds to ME like he likes you, and it sounds to me like you know that he is! So why are you hesitating? I say you call him up and ask him to the movies! The connotation is obvious (date) and if he only wants to be friends... well, he's a nice guy so he won't be cruel. And if he only wants to be friends, you haven't lost anything because you weren't going to be together anyway! Good luck and let me know how it turns out (If you ask him to the movie and he asks who else is coming, then he's probably not really interested in the one and one date thing... yet. Give the name of a good friend who'll tag along for support and you'lll be set.)

Hey! I have no clue if you are attractive or not, but remember that attractive is subjective! (I myself find most of the "popular" guys to be repellant and I like guys in glasses, but i don't represent all girls). Greasy, unkempt hair and ill-fitting clothes are 90% of the time un-attractive, but then again I can't speak for all girls! The best advice I can give is to smile and loosen up. Stop struggling to find a topic of conversation and just talk about whatever comes to mind... and then if you do/say something silly, just smile and say, "Haha, I'm such an idiot." You'll know you've won when she smiles back and says, "No you're not." Since she's in lots of your classes, the BEST conversations can start from, "That test was killer, wasn't it!" Just remember to relax and respond as it comes. It's a good step that you recognized that your other friends are immature... sometimes you have to move on and grow up before your friends. Nothing turns off a smart girl more than immaturity. That doesn't mean you have to ignore them... you just have to make sure that you aren't like them. Good luck!

It isn't your responsibilty to "fix" him. He's your boyfriend, and you care about him, but that's doesn't mean that he is your responsibility. The paranoia is a side-effect from the pot, so it's not just him. A little bit of something you need to tell yourself: You CAN cope without him, you shouldn't need to depend on him to feel good. You don't NEED to be a with a person who makes you feel like crap. (Regardless of how he treats you when you're alone). Maybe, if you really want to help him, you have to get your message accross nice and clear. Talk to him about how his smoking bothers you (he probably won't seem to listen, but you'd be surprised) and then tell him that if he doesn't tone it down, you'll break up with him no matter how much you love him. If he doesn't tone it down at your very polite request... then he doesn't love you as much as you love him, and how painful is that? Anyway, I agree with the other posters in that he needs to see a counsellor and the relationship (the way that it is) is toxic. Good luck!

Okay, this is kind of embarrassing for all parties involved, and I'm really just unsure what to do and how I should feel about it. The thing is that I was giving my boyfriend handjobs and he really liked that (well yeah), but all those times, he had already been erect which made it fun for me. (I'm blushing as I type this so sorry if my words are kind of blunt). But then one time I tried to and he really just wasn't, which sucked and since then I haven't given him one. Then I told myself that if he did get an erection, well, a good one, then I would do it for him (because he asks me all time in puppy eyes, good gosh), but he hasn't, so I haven't, and I haven't told him why. I don't know if I should tell him why (because I mean, it's not like he can do anything about it, right?) or not, or if there's anything else I can do to stop the cycle. It's kind of pissing me off and ruining my attraction to him big time. I mean, I still love him and all when we're not in a sexual situation, but when we are, then it doesn't seem worth it, somehow. Is he just like not attracted to me or... I don't know, I'm confused and it sucks, so can anybody like say anything what you think? Any comments are appreciated because i'm just a scared (virgin) little girl who doesn't know anything.

She could be busy with homework, or just not comfortable enough with you to spend extended alone time with you. Either way, if you really live that close together, I don't see anything wrong with asking to walk her home (long as you're keeping it casual for a little while), getting in some nice conversation on the way...

Apparently some other girl that goes to another school asked my boyfriend to the Winter Formal. MY BOYFRIEND. Key word: BOYFRIEND. For almost three months. She obviously has a crush on him and wants him as her date, in all that implies. And so that you know just as much as I do: "i just agreed to go to this girls winter ball dance at her school i dont really want to go, but since im a nice guy, i said yes BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD..... she calls me up all the time and talks to me online ALLLL the time and every time she does its nothing but annoying annoying annoying small talk that really makes me want to kill myself yeah so her name is brittany and she has always had a mad crush on me (actually, first my younger brother, and then me) and now im going to her dance with her. this certainly goes WITHOUT SAYING, but obviously there is nothing going on between us and im just going with her to be nice and friendly. i still love you and all that good stuff." Don't you think he should have told her that he has a girlfriend? Don't you think it a bit odd that he's agreeing to go to a dance with this girl that he claims to hate, when you consider that he doesn't even really like dances or dancing? And the dance is a formal, there will be slow dancing and the like... I think that going to a dance with someone who is NOT his girlfriend (but who obviously wants to be) isn't just "being nice", it could be "cheating", and he's only telling me to alleviate some of his guilt. Opinions, please?

My boyfriend (who I've been going out with for a little over one week) came over last night and we fooled around, hooked up and such in the movie room. It was really fun, but I think we might have gone a little too far for my comfort. Second base, isn't that bad I know, but the scary thing to me is how it's making me feel. The thing is that I was the instigator, because I really did want to go further with him (even though we haven't been going out all that long), kind of giving in to my hormonal desires, and now I feel really... dirty. Dirty for pushing him like that (of course he went along readily, he IS a guy after all) and dirty for where he touched me. And now I have the feeling that our relationship has gone from being normal and comfortable to overly sexual. And he also said something that kind of disturbed me: that all his girlfriends were the ones that were pushing to go further, which completely defies the sterotype, no? But of course, I was guilty of the same thing, so where did the stereotype come from? Do guys just underestimate how horny girls are? And... this is the first time I've gone past kissing, and while it was fun... I don't know how to feel about it. I'm fifteen, one month away from being 15 1/2, and my boyfriend is one month away from being 18. I don't know what to think, I'd just like some thoughts from you all... I feel so confused and worthless.

First, evaluate your own feelings. If you don't want to break up with her (regardless of how you feel about her, if you think that staying together would be a good thing for you to do), then don't read on. If you truly DO want to break up with her, then you have to be true to yourself and not let yourself stay in a relationship that you don't feel fully comfortable in. Then, if you think that she will truly become suicidal if you break up with her for real, then try and get her to open up to someone who can help her. A school counselor, for example, would definitely be the best (I don't know how old you are and if you're still in school). Don't feel obligated to stay with her in a relationship that you don't feel comfortable in. Good luck, keep us posted.

Thanks!

My boyfriend is 17 (almost eighteen) and I'm 15 (almost 15 and a half) and he wants to take me to a rated R movie. (That I also want to see). Do any of you happen to know the rules? I mean, he's 17, so he's allowed to see the movie, is he allowed to be my accompanying "adult", and do you think we'll have any problems getting tickets? If we do, we'll just go to Shark Tale, but I would like to know if anyone knows what the official rules are for this type of situation. If, hypothetically, I went with my parents, I'd be allowed to go, right? (That isn't an option, I'm just trying to clarify the rules.) Thanks!

Ok, this is totally embarrassing... I mean, I've been having these dreams (at least three that i can think of) that were totally, 100% focused on sex. Me and a guy who goes to my church, me and a guy that doesn't even exist, me and an orgy of camp counselors... it's getting really annoying, really stupid, really crazy, and just pissing the heck out of me. Not that I don't like the dreams and all... in a perverted way... but they just aren't normal! For one, I am a virgin and thereforeeee the dreams gotta be totally unrealistic, and two, I'm a girl, not some horny adolescent male. Any thoughts? I'm dying here. I'm almost afraid to go to sleep.

This is crazy... it's almost like exactly my situation, only you're the guy. I'd see how she feels first (after she breaks up with her boyfriend, of course), and if she says that she doesn't want to go out with you, then don't push it. You don't want to make too big of a deal out of it and ruin a perfectly good friendship.

I think that at 13, this is a common trap that people get pulled into. He liked me, he likes her, I like him, I like another him, he likes someone else, wait, what? My best advice is to just go with the flow, so to speak. Right now it doesn't look as if anyone has really distinct emotions (not even you) and you don't know anything for sure. But it is possible for guys to switch the person they like, or to like more than one person. The "liking" is just the first step, the second one is the actually going out, and thats where the you-can-only-like-person comes in. If you really like this guy and want to go out with him, go ahead and ask him out, no harm done! If you don't want to take the initiative (because you don't like him that much) then just see where it goes. Goodluck!

My best guy friend fell in love with me (see previous posts). I just talked to him a couple seconds ago and told him how I feel... that I lub him as a friend, nothing more. Then he said, and I quote, "I can't help the way I feel." Then he went on to say something about still being friends, that he knows how I feel because one of his friends loves him too and they are still friends... But I'm not the sort of person who can deal with the tension that this is going to cause. I don't know if I'll ever be able to be comfortable around him again, and that hurts. Because he's a great friend, if a little odd, ugly, off the wall and non-dateable. Any thoughts, or do I just need to ride this out?

Well, they might just be being honest... no offense or anything. It is a plausible reason, but probably not the ONLY reason. It might be because she just doesn't want to go out with you for another reason too.

Whoa... she GRABBED YOUR HAND?? And you still have DOUBTS? You are one strange child. Try to be a little more confident. Confidence is hard, I know, it needs to be cultivated, but it's important. And worth it. And, heh, she's going to a different HS next year? That's actually sort of awesome, because if you do something rash on the last day of school, then it won't carry over. Unlike me, I did something rash on the last day of eighth grade and it still haunts me everytime I see him... Send her a note, if you need to. You've talked to her online, so you're probably more comfortable with the written word vs verbal anyway.

Socially, yes there is. Wow, I'm cruel, I know. But at this age (I'm fifteen), looks are definitely a deciding factor. (30% looks, 60% personality, 10% social status, is how I'd, personally, rank it.) But there are girls who are less shallow than I am. They might not be the most beautiful girls in the world, but they're the smart ones, and they're the ones that are worth dating, forget the rest. Bottom Line: Looks DO matter, but if you have a good personality, then you'll find someone who's truly worth your time.

I just talked to my guy friend, and he told me that over the past week he's fallen in love with me. That's AWFUL, because I really loved having him as a friend, but how can I continue to be his friend if I'm afraid that everything I do will make him fall more in love with me? The best way would be to stop all contact with him, right? Wean him off of me, so to speak? But I can't do that, I love talking to him! Just NOT in that way! I've told him how I feel, but he has a tendency to still obsess over people even when they don't share the feeling. (He used to be "head over heels in love" with one of my good friends. His words, not mine.) How can I get him to stop liking me without being cruel? Is it possible for us to stay friends or will that just make him keep thinking of the "us" that will never be?

It's different for different people! We can't tell you what's going to turn on your girlfriend anymore than we can tell you her favorite food. However, as for any physical contact, you just have to trust the moment and not be too shy or too aggressive. Make sure that what you're doing is she wants, and you should be fine. Practice makes perfect, after all.

Lol yes, that'd be great! I remember our eighth grade trip to Disneyland... it was awesome. Ask her to hang out with you, yeah, but only if she'd feel confortable around your group of people. (If you have friends in common, I mean). If she hangs out in a completely different group, then I wouldn't. She probably would rather hang out with her own group than a bunch of people she hardly knows. Good luck!

How old are you? I'ma guess 12, 13? (The reason I ask is that, even though I can't see you or hear you, your typing style and the situation sounds like that. J/W) The question that you really have to ask yourself is... do you want to go out with him? Are you willing to risk your friendship for something that might only last a couple weeks or a month, tops? If the answer is yes, ask him out. Yay! He'll probably say yes, I'd love to go out with you, you darling darling girl! (Or he might just say "Ya"). Good luck, and keep us posted as to what you end up doing!

I think that it IS possible to love more than one person equally, (you can have more than one good regular friend, right? And you love them, right?) but as she (whoever she is) gets to know them better and better as time goes on, she'll usually start to lean more to one side. Does that make sense? I think it's totally possible to love more than one person and honestly LOVE both of them. Just because she loves someone other than you doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.

Ok... I always pride myself on trying to give the most realistic advice that I can with the limited knowledge that I have. In my personal experience, it works better to get very comfortable around each other before going into "going out". The summer is coming up, which would be a good oppurtunity to ask her to the beach or waterpark (or local pool or to the movies)... with a couple other mutual friends. Repeat above action, gradually decreasing the number of other friends around... But that's just what I'd do. Immediate action? Don't ask her out. (At least not yet). She might say yes, which'll make you happy, of course, but there's a chance that it won't be a very comfortable relationship. Which won't be fun. But also, there is a pretty good chance that she'll say no, because you don't talk all that often. Good luck, and keep us posted! If you ask her out, she says yes, and you end up getting married, I'll send you a card.