Men and women sexual expectations?

[fredthebread]

well then tell us females what you guys like! my bf always tells me to talk dirty while we are having sex and i never know what to say to be honest. i mean i can say the mundane things like oh yeah you are so big and oh yeah that feels good but what else?

 

Well err this may give you a chuckle, but an ex girlfriend of mine used to shout 'oh make me pregnant', fxxk me etc. Despite the fact I had no desire to have kids, this really turned me on. I think it had something to do with male potency or something. I would check with your boyfriend before trying this one though He might get a bit of a shock!. lol

[kmartin85]

Well err this may give you a chuckle, but an ex girlfriend of mine used to shout 'oh make me pregnant', fxxk me etc. Despite the fact I had no desire to have kids, this really turned me on. I think it had something to do with male potency or something. I would check with your boyfriend before trying this one though He might get a bit of a shock!. lol

 

hahaha..i actually might try this..thanks for the advice..its def away from the norm and not boring!! haha he would probably like that, he likes for me to say weird things to begin with and he likes to say them as well..read the thread i started about him and his porn issues! it will give you insight as to what i deal with..hahah

[fredthebread]

To answer my own thread:

My expectations of sex in a relationship are:

I would like to have sex as often as is practical (every day would be plenty). I think the sexual intimacy should continue despite the other up and downs in the relationship. I think this stabilises the relationship and lets each other know that we still care a lot for each other despite hurtful words etc. I understand my partner may have different beliefs about sex, some people think it is sacred, others think its like going out for a burger. I am willing to discuss this with my partner and work on any concerns she has, so that we are both comfortable with the situation and both sexually satisfied. I do not think sex should ever be used as a weapon or a tool for manipulation

[fredthebread]

Does anyone know any adult movies that are not degrading to women and that gets women turned on? I have heard of wicked entertainment is there anyone else out there? I would like to clarify I am not addicted to porn and only watch it when single, but my girlfriend and I were discussing sexual posibilities and thought we might try watching it together. But most porn is degrading to women and appeals to the more basic elements of the male mind (hence the addictive quality I think), and neither of us would be comfortable with this. So I just wanted some movies of couples having sex in a healthy way without the manipulation of most porn. I have tried sex education video but the dialogue etc ruins it. Also we have tried watching other couples home videos on link removed. These are pretty arousing but the quality is pretty poor and there are not that many good ones. I did find one instructional video that had a 'movie mode' and this was pretty good. The guy spent ages pleasing the woman and only spent about 5 min getting satisfaction, the woman just lay there moaning, which kind of put pressure on me lol (but this was fine). So any other sources? Again, I don't want movies of people doing twisted degrading stuff just the usual stuff couples do on a quid pro quo basis. Will I have to start up my own production company?

Some interesting suggestions here link removed

Or does anyone think this is a mistake and a bad road to go down?

[Deviant_Kate]

What I am really looking for hear is how to get her to want it as much and as often as I do.

 

If anyone ever figures that one out, they could publish a book about it, sell it for even just a buck apiece, and make MILLIONS.

[fredthebread]

If anyone ever figures that one out, they could publish a book about it, sell it for even just a buck apiece, and make MILLIONS.

 

Why do you think I am asking so many questions!!! lol But seriously, I do think it is an attainable goal if we can figure out just where the two sexualities. Personally, I blame evolution. In prehistoric days, it was mans job to go around spreading his genes as widely as possible, but women because the had to live a lot longer with the results of this gene spreading, were designed to be more selective and less impulsive about sex and sexual partners so their sexual brain works differently to mens. But we are not animals anymore and I don't think this is an insurmountable problem. I have gone out with women who wanted it every day and I have gone out with women who wanted it once a month, but both could change and so could I so I am just trying to understand exactly how the female sexual brain works and compare it to my own and my male friends and see if I can figure out a solution to this age old delemma, which I think is fundamentally based on misunderstanding and bad communication caused by our differences. Unfortunately, I am but a poor fool and not a genius so don't hold your breath for my buck book.

[fredthebread]

Here is a response I got from a woman elsewhere:

 

- Make love to our minds, not just our bodies.

- A woman's greatest sexual organ is her mind, so boys, even if you're not attractive, but know how to get into a woman's mind - knows what turns her on mentally, you're basically there without even touching her. Once you're in her mind, you just have to look at her and talk with your eyes and she's gone LOL

- Touching the sexual organ should be the last place to touch during foreplay. Foreplay includes voice and tone, how you talk to her, not just the usual touch. Touch also plays a part, and to be honest, not many knows how to touch well. A sensuous person knows just the right pressure when it comes to touch.

- Sensuality goes a long way.

- Passion is very important. You can be very good technically and make a girl orgasm everytime, but without passion, a girl might as well just play with herself!

- It takes a skillful lover to manipulate a woman into orgasm without her focussing on it.

- You can be good at sex, but to be a good lover is another thing altogether. I find that men who are good lovers are those that naturally love women. It's amazing how many 'players' out there actually do not like women deep inside.

- Being really into your partner during foreplay and sex. A girl can sense when you're mentally focussed on her. Your body could be doing the moves and doing the right thing, but mentally, you're not there.

- Communicate with your eyes during sex.

- Confidence.

- Make a girl feel wanted, not used.

 

Then there's the usual:

- Being able to talk about your sexual preferences with your partner.

- Can be soulful or playful.

- Quickies or one that goes on for hours.

- Being able to experiment together.

- Feeling safe and knowing that you can explore within the safety of your relationship with your partner.

 

And she also pointed out the porn idea was going against what I said about making sure she felt she was the special one, if the porn stars were turning me on in front of her, so good point, back to the drawing board!

I have to say, when I think of all this my brain hurts. Any tips for how to do it in ten easy steps for us guys?

[boomvang]

What are men's/women's sexual expectations of each other in a long term relationship?

I am a male so I am primarily interested in the female perspective, but I was hoping to start a discussion.

 

Hey, I started a thread like this a month or so ago. Good luck with it - I got everything from good candid discussion to called a pig. I see you're around 30. I'm close to 50. I find that, at least for me, age hasn't diminished my appetite. I'd have sex twice a day if it was up to me, 7 days a week, 365 days a dadgum year. So far, I've actually known several women who went along with it, including my ex-wife. My problem is, the woman I really WANT to have sex with twice a day won't go for it. Bottom line here is, everyone is different. I don't think you can say there is any such thing as a standard set of expectations for sex in a relationship. I am less than totally satisfied with the sexual part of my relationship with my love, but there are other aspects of our life together that offset it, so to speak. Unfortunately there weren't with my ex-wife and that's why she's my ex-wife.

[boomvang]

well then tell us females what you guys like! my bf always tells me to talk dirty while we are having sex and i never know what to say to be honest. i mean i can say the mundane things like oh yeah you are so big and oh yeah that feels good but what else?

 

I love to be given some instructions. Last night was perhaps as erotic and satisfying a romantic session as I have ever been in. Yes it was. Hang on while re-collect my thoughts a second... Okay, what was different? She talked more. She said "I think it's time this nightgown came off." That was very encouraging. But then she said "sit up - sit just like this - you don't have to do anything" and POW you could have hung your entire wardrobe on my schmeckle using wire hangers. Leading into it? Yes, lots. I massaged her feet and legs for a long time, maybe an hour, and we talked, and we watched a movie that she liked. Matter of fact, we made love while still watching the movie. I won't tell you what movie because it's stupid, but another one that set a great mood for her was "Under the Tuscan Sun." I did for her what I knew she loves, and she sure returned the favor.

[boomvang]

Oh, Fred? This is gonna sound nuts... Once, early in the relationship with my love, while in bed, I read the entire book of Song of Solomon to her. That's right, in the Bible. It drove her wild. It's about time for a second reading...

 

As for porn - this is a tough one to approach, but porn definitely turns women on too, in the right setting. Like you said, it can't be degrading. My ex-wife was raised in a strict fundamental religious household and was a 24-year-old virgin when we married. A few months after getting married we watched porn in a hotel. She went NUTS for it, I have never seen a woman so horny, and from then on she would rent porn movies on her own for us.

[fredthebread]

I read the entire book of Song of Solomon to her. That's right, in the Bible. It drove her wild. It's about time for a second reading...

 

Now thats what I call a buildup, I think we need a new definition of foreplay lol

[amtjrtcet]

My b/f have been together about a yr. I expect "it" just about everytime I see him.

 

We only see eachother on Tuesday nights (that's right, I'm getting some tonight! ) and Saturday day and night. We live about 40 mins apart and both work 2 jobs, and I'm in school.

 

But when I get to see him, I want it, at least once if not twice.

 

I think a good healthy sexual relationship is important-amoungst other things.

[EmotionalCreature]

As often as possible when time/mood dictates is ideal.

 

Unfortunately, it slacks off when you're married so enjoy it while you can and keep her happy in all ways, not just sexually..... Lots of flowers for the heck of it. helping w/ housework etc. makes them really happy.

 

I agree with that, what about other things? What else do you do that's not totally sweet but more of "I care" things that you do to keep relationship healthy and fun?

 

Going to movies, going to dinner, etc are quite repetitive after 7 to 10 years. What other fun do you guys give to your partners, especially female partners?

 

I think I am talking about somewhere along the line of experiencing life together as well.

[EmotionalCreature]

and works me up a lot throughout the day by text message and telling me what he wants to do to me..he also has a great response when i wear lingerie..

 

This is what I've heard from a lot of people, spice it up or making woman feels sexy by text messages, e-mails, etc. But what did he send to you? What's too much and what's not, what's appropriate?

 

I do want to do that too but I haven't done it before and it feels awkward because I am not sure how she'll take it or what I should say.

 

Advise please!

[kmartin85]

This is what I've heard from a lot of people, spice it up or making woman feels sexy by text messages, e-mails, etc. But what did he send to you? What's too much and what's not, what's appropriate?

 

I do want to do that too but I haven't done it before and it feels awkward because I am not sure how she'll take it or what I should say.

 

Advise please!

 

He tells me how he feels about me and how I make him feel in bed..and his favorite things i do to him in bed and so forth..and asks me stuff like what i want him to do to me when he gets home..and he does it

[muchtolearn]

ooh that sounds really hot. i sometimes wish my boyfriend would do that more. don't be nervous because you havent done it before emotionalcreature, i would say that as long as you start out with comments that are more complimentary than vulgar, she shouldnt take it the wrong way. you can always send a text message or email saying that you cant stop thinking about X night or X thing that she did to you....it will make her feel good to know that its still on your mind, and you can see what kind of a response she sends you.

[fredthebread]

Hi folks! Could people please fill in their gender on their profile. I think it is especially important in this thread as otherwise it gets a bit confusing.

Regards,

Fred

[fredthebread]

This is what I've heard from a lot of people, spice it up or making woman feels sexy by text messages, e-mails, etc. But what did he send to you? What's too much and what's not, what's appropriate?

 

I do want to do that too but I haven't done it before and it feels awkward because I am not sure how she'll take it or what I should say.

 

Advise please!

 

I think you have to build up the build up. Start with some subtle stuff and increase gradually (as you know she is comfortable with it and with you) before you hit the really graphic kinky stuff. One thing I say to my girlfriend is "even when you text me you turn me on", which is actually true. She could be texting me about the weather, but I get horny (I guess us guys are obviously a lot easier to work with lol ). But this meant that every time she texted she thought of sex which kind of helps the buildup.

[fredthebread]

Anyone read the new book out by a female psychiatrist called 'the female brain'

[boomvang]

Anyone read the new book out by a female psychiatrist called 'the female brain'

 

Isn't that a contradiction of terms?

 

bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha *cough*

 

sorry, I don't mean it.

[fredthebread]

Anyone read the new book out by a female psychiatrist called 'the female brain'

 

Of course it is also about the male brain, but it is just called the female brain. I have not read it yet, but I will keep youse posted.