Boyfriend with girl friend?

[FallingTooFast]

I've been going out with him for 6 months. He was new to the school and new to my state.

At the beginning of the schoolyear, he asked me out 10 days into school.

He told me recently that he had thought another girl was pretty and had thought about asking her out too.

That's not a problem. He chose me, and I love him.

But he and this girl are now best friends.

And I'm a VERY jealous person.

We don't see eachother for 3 periods at the end of the day, and 2 of those he has with her.

When I see him at the end of the day he always talks about "Well, soandso did this and it was soooo funny" and things like that.

I've asked him to stop, and he knows how much it hurts me, I feel like I'm inadequate.

He's also told me if I were to have a guy friend as close to me as she is to him, he wouldn't be able to love me. But then he doesn't understand why I can't stand that he has a girl thats a friend.

It's really hard to be happy with him, knowing that he has possibly more fun with another girl.

Ex: We were at a pep-rally, and music was playing and we were all being silly, and I did some old disco moves, and he sorta giggled. And then he turned around to the other side of him, and she did the same thing, then he burst out laughing.

 

I know he loves me, and I know he won't leave me, but is it right for him to have this close of a female friend.

 

And on top of all this, I don't hear anything about any of his guy friends, and he has more female friends that guy friends, we've counted. 15 female friends and only 9 male.

It's just so hard to me.

Please put your input in.

Thankyou.

[jedifairy]

Having friends of the opposite sex is never easy. My best friend of 7 years is a guy, but he is also my ex. Most guys I went out with had a problem with it at first but they soon accepted it after they realised any sexual attraction that was there had gone.

Just because they have a close friendship it dosent mean anything will happen, but of course these things do happen. You are right to be a little concerened about it but I wouldnt let it affect you as much as it seems to. You will just drive him away and then you would have lost him and the only memories you have of this relationship will be you getting nuts about this girl. If it were me I would just try to enjoy the relationship, get as involved as you can with there friendship but also keep a little watchful eye on the situation. The expression keep your friends close and your enermies closer springs to mind. Not saying at all that she is your enermy but you are rivals in this guys affections.

 

I was a little concerned that he said he wouldnt love you if your best friend was a guy...?? this guy's double standards are laughable. At the end of the day you both need to trust each other then it wont matter who else comes along.

[FallingTooFast]

Well, a difference between our two situations is that you and that guy had been friends for 7 years. He has only known her since he has known me.

I would completely understand if they had known eachother since they were kids.

 

And yes, his double standards amuse me as well. But what am I going to do about it?

[candycoating]

well this is a touch situation but I think maybe ask him to spend more time with you then her? you know since he has the hots for her he might get mixed emotions about her and maybe fall for her. I would ask him to please listen and tell him exactly how you feel. If he dosent respect your feeling then hes just not worth it..dont cut there friendship completely

off/

[jedifairy]

fair point on the 7 years thing, but we were very close very fast. You cant argue with a connection. But just because they are boy/girl it dosent mean it is a sexual connection like he has with you.

 

If someone had said to me that in a nut shell he can have female friends and i'd have to be cool with it but I cant have male friends I would tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. But I understand you love him and want to stay with him.

 

I think the bottom line here is he is not going to stop being friends with her no matter what you say. So my question is can you live with that? and can you live with the fact that you cant have any male friends or he will walk?

[FallingTooFast]

Candy Coating-

I'm not asking for his relationship with her to be completely cut off

He does hang out with me more than her, We spend almost every day with eachother, but when he's with her he seems very happy.

 

Jedifairy-

It's not the sexual connection that we have that holds us though, it's our romantic, I just don't want their friendship to become romantic.

[ghost69]

have you sat him down and explained how it really makes you feel like you have said here? that's what you need to do. if it bothers him a lot when you tell him all of this, move on.

[FallingTooFast]

Yes, I've explained to him many times, and tried to reverse the conflict to see how it would have made him feel, but he just doesn't get it.

He's brought up talking to her, and I feel that I've talked to him enough, and if he hasn't convinced me by now, I don't see how talking to her would make things all that better. I just wish that I could put it behind me, But it seems everytime I'm just about over it, he brings it up again, even after I've asked him not to.

[ghost69]

new boyfriend perhaps?

[FallingTooFast]

definitely not. You have no idea how in love I am with him. I don't think I even understand how much in love I am with him.

 

But I think I figured out the problem. I think that i have a problem with him having female friends because I want to be everything he needs, and If he needs contact with others, I don't understand why it can't be with guys.

[altosinger314]

(Sorry if anyone's already said what I'm about to say!)

 

Every situation is different, but at least you told him how you feel. I think he should have at least heard you out and try to cut down time hanging out with this girl. The thing that would really annoy me is that he was attracted to her the same time he met you, and you're a really secure person for not being too bothered by that.

 

But your guy hanging out with any girl, especially this girl--a girl that he didn't have a friendship with before he met you...it's a bit sketchy.

 

Also, the fact that he "doesn't get it"?

 

Final thought...I'd be completely ballistic if I was in the same situation and he told ME to talk to HER. It's not your problem, girl. It's his.

 

I think you and this boy should move on. He's just too into her to be innocent.

[FallingTooFast]

I don't think that you don't have a point there, but I mean this girl has a boyfriend. She seems to love him, and im sure that he loves her.

 

But even with that, they've become such good friends, that i fear going around her. Because I'm afraid to see his reaction with her, I'm always afraid that she makes him feel happier than I do. Because I see both the good and the bad times with me, i only see the good times with her, thats all he talks about.

 

Im just trying to get him to understand.

And now there's all the other girls that he finds close that are a problem, just as i get over this one.