We broke up, I have a new gf, but I still get sad...

[bostonbrokenheart]

Hello everyone - I'd first like to say how wonderful I think this site is as it's nice to see the internet being used for things like these (support). I have a sad story that millions share but, of course, I can't help but feel like I'm going through it worse than anyone. Basically, I dated a girl for three years that, when we first got together, agreed that we were "meant to be" and "soul mates". I would tell my friends that I would marry this girl after the first night of meeting her. Well, I broke up with a girl (after 2 years) to be with this girl (Jess) and I was ready. However, the first 6 months were anything but pleasant; we would fight, I didn't really know why, and it just got ugly. We did our best to work it out and eventually moved in with each other. We dated for another year and she started saying that she couldn't be herself anymore due to all the fighting. So, she moved out and we broke up - she moved about 5 streets away. During this time, I was HURTING bad. I started dating a girl whom I was always interested in but my heart just wasn't there. One month of not talking to Jess, we randomly ran into each other and the sparks were just amazing. I knew, right there, that I was way too much in love with Jess to give up. A few days later, I convinced her to give it a try and we were off. During this time, she moved even closer - less than 20 yards away!!! Brutal. But, before we could live together again, we needed to find out if we could make it. So, this time, it was different, I didn't care about those little things anymore and basically gave her all the freedom in the world. So much so, that I started losing effort in the relationship and foudn myself not caring about things anymore. Well, she noticed - we had a talk a month ago and agreed that we were worlds apart in the relationship. One major problem, we painfully loved each other even though we knew sucked as partners (did I mention she lives 2 doors down?)

 

Anyway (sorry for the rambling.. havent let this out before), I immediately got together with the new girl again (Ally) and to be honest was the happiest guy in the world. I finally moved on from a relationship that dragged and was with the girl I thought about for months. 3 weeks later, I ran into Jess again and my whole world spun around.. I couldn't stop thinking about her and was DIEING to talk to her again.

 

What do I do? I know Jess and I were a bad couple but I am still madly in love with her (i think). I'm starting to realize all those things that drove her mad was purely my fault - do I tell her this? Or, do I give this girl who I think is perfect for me a chance? I can't tell Ally that I need time b/c I already screwed with her before... and there is NO way I will let her go unless it meant Jess and I heal and get back together... so confused .

 

At night, I sleep with Allyson but all I think about is Jess.. it really sucks.

[socal]

it sounds like you jump from relationship to relationship without letting your wounds heal in between. Now you're saying you won't give up this girl (ally) unless there's another to hop to (regardless if it's jess or not). i think you need time to yourself without any girls and the answer of who or what type of partner will make you happy will come... it could possibly be none of the above ladies.

[CynicalGuitarist]

I agree with socal. If I can be alone for 19 years and still be alive today, I'm pretty sure you can take a few months if you work at it.

[gokings]

give yourself more time without dating anyone just go out !and dont get attached to any girl in this moment you need to heal first .

[bostonbrokenheart]

yah you guys are probably right. i already got the new girl, ally, telling me she loves me and like i said earlier am still thinking of the ex.

 

only time heals wounds.. right?

 

thanks for your feedback.. much appreciated.

[p_fred]

Forget about Jess, stay with the girl that told your she loves you.. Allyson

 

Think about your feelings for her.. you said you became the happiest guy in the world with her.

 

Lets say you might still love Jess, that's ok.. you can do that.. but does she love you? 99% chance she hasn't changed and if you got back together after a short time you would have your bad relationship all over again.. and end up breaking Allyson's heart who will probably never talk to you again.

 

You may only have those feelings for Jess because you feel that you want to fix something that is broken?

 

My vote would be work on your relationship with Allyson and if it doesn't work out then you can think about if you want to try with Jess again. Don't try to play both sides of the field because that's just plain cruel & dishonest to Allyson.

[bear12]

well, maybe you've already done this, but my main concern here is that unless you're completely honest with allyson about your feelings for your ex, i think you might end up really hurting her. being in love with someone who's in love with someone else (and thus, at least in some sense emotionally unavailable) is not very fun. it seems like she's falling for you really fast and maybe planning a future/thinking you're more committed to her than you really are. that's not to say that i think you should go after jess- you need to decide what's right for you whether it's staying with allyson, spending time alone, or trying to make things work with jess, but i really think allyson needs to be in the loop or else she's likely heading for heartbreak, and you wouldn't want to make someone feel the pain you went through, would you?