How do I become part of a social circle?

[emit_remmus]

To start I am naturally introverted but I can become extroverted if I want to, and I don't know how to make close friends. I didn't have any close friends or best friends as a kid because I was always moving. I was a loner at the beginning of high school and towards the end I started to just hang out with everyone but wasn't really that "in" in all the groups' little circle.

 

Now at the beginning of college, I found a few cool people to hang out with but I sort of strayed away from them because they would often ditch me or not invite me to stuff, and I only had one person's number in that group because he seemed to really connect with me.

 

Recently, I met someone cool and started hanging out with him and his friends for a couple nights straight. I don't know if this is the way to make close friends and become part of a group, but I like the group and I'm attracted to a girl in the group.

 

Is it too late to ever join any social circle? How do I become part of the group? Should I start something with the girl I like so soon? How do I become friends with everyone?

[rocio]

It's never too late to make new friends.

You can't be friends with everyone.

You can't just choose to join a group of friends. They have to invite you in some way. You have to become friends with one guy (or girl) who will invite you to hang out with his (her) friends, and then you become friends with the whole group.

Try to find new social activities to get into and talk to people there. But don't be fake. Wait until you find someone you really hit it off with, then ask him (or her) if they know of any fun stuff to do on weekends in the area. See if they invite you along to some activity.

[Honey Pumpkin]

My dad made a new friend last year - he's 89! I often look at how my father has worked throughout his lfe, because he is always making new friends, whereas my mother has never had that knack.

 

I think it's about being open and interested in other people, and also not over-analysing what they think of you. Not reading too much into things - my father tends to take people at face value, and not worry about what they think, if there are hidden motives etc.

 

Sorry, maybe this isn't good advice. But I do look at people who have the knack of warmth and making new friends, and it IS a definite attitude, a willingness to reach out and take a chance, rather than wait to be coaxed.

[Batya33]

On whether it's "too late." I am 40. In the last year I got involved in a whole new social circle. From January until now, in addition to the monthly groups, I have had 13 social plans of all types connected to this group or people I met through this group. What worked for me - and might for you - was that I was friendly, a good listener, offered my help (professionally and personally) if someone seemed to need help, I made many of them laugh (and people remember that) and by saying "yes" to some of the smaller plans, I got invited to some of the larger plans.

 

5 years ago I started doing volunteer work. Through that volunteer work I made a few close friends and several acquaintances.

 

There is no need to be "that" social - but it is definitely possible to find new social circles at any age if you're willing to put in the effort. Definitely find groups that have interests similar to yours.

[emit_remmus]

On hanging out, how much is too much?

[Savetheday]

It's never too late to make new friends. You just have to "step out of the box" a little and start making new friends.

 

I remember a friend i worked with who told me that the only way to get to know people and to improve your circle of friends was to make chit chat! I'm an analyst and have been fortunate to work for a good company that allows me to meet people from all walks of life, from managers on the field to directors of the company. I often go to the breakroom on my own at lunch and make small chit chat with someone on the opposite table. In the past several months I have had more of a social life than I ever did during my teenage years.

 

Improving on and expanding your circle of friends will bring you many job opportunities and improve your social skills. Tonight I get to go out with a bunch of friends to a jazz club. Never been to one before, but there's a first for everything, plus i get to meet their friends too!

 

Just remember "step out of the box" and enjoy

[mintblossom]

lemme see....in early elementary, i had good friends. in later elementary, i got bullied all the time by the most popular girls (who consequently have grown up and already had babies and never graduated college). my "friends" in later elementary were all the rejects. that was a harsh blow because i used to be so well-liked as a little kid. and very suddenly it all changed because i moved. imagine my shock!

 

jr. high - 7th grade...lots of druggies, lowlifes...i didn't fit in there being an overachiever at school and all....i set the curve without trying so.....yeah, people were jealous and they didn't like me anyways cuz i seemed too pure. 8th grade - new school, i was getting real down on myself, people had their friends from 7th....i felt so alone....had a few nerdy "friends".

 

high school - well by this time i had given up, totally withdrawn into myself, focused on achieving, achieving, achieving. hung out with the "nerds" but didn't really like them so i kept to myself mostly. was a pretty unhappy time, boys didn't notice me.....my grades were really good....i was a lost teen with no one and nothing to turn to.

 

college - first bf - total jerk....forced me for sex, dumped me.......i became a depressed mess.....lost literally everyone. (not that they were very worthwhile ppl but at least i was connected to something you know?).....second bf - ABUSER!!!! frick, i was in an abusive situation for the longest time until i hit ROCK BOTTOM. no job, no school, no money, no friends, no acquaintances, jail record for misdemeanors, was losing my family, severly depressed, anxiety, panic attacks, constant abuse from this guy.....i swear i lost everything because of him and i was so good to him too..i had no frickin' anything.

 

got out of that after years and years...then went to this company to work at my first job.....manipulated, lied to, used for sex, and then dumped by this one guy. (his friend set me up too.....his friend who i thought was cool with me had been backstabbing me the whole time).

 

so i am FINALLY at my age, trying to make "real" friends. i have maybe two real friends TOTAL but they are real friends and i have my sis, my brother, my mom (my little family

 

so.....if it's too late.....then im screwed.

[emit_remmus]

My social life is exactly like yours up until college the red. All I've been doing in college is meeting different people, trying new things, but I haven't had a girlfriend yet. So it looks like you really screwed up in college.

[mintblossom]

well, one of the common things that an abuser does is that he tries to isolate you. that is an abuser will cut off her friends/family so that she becomes isolated and completely alone. i had no frickin' acquaintances even, that was how bad it was, no acquaintances at all.

 

if i talked to another girl, he would say "are you a lesbian?" or "you're such a feminist"

 

this isn't about college because any involvement with an abuser ends up like that no matter what your age.

 

along the way i have met many bullies, manipulators, liars, backstabbers, creepy people, shallow people and some really uncool people. can't be around that.